To let my dd miss school on sports day?

[veralera]

She's 10. She really finds pe very difficult, she takes after me and just isn't particularly good at sports, isn't a fast runner etc etc.

She does however play for a girls football team. But being completely honest - she's by far the weakest player. She enjoys it though and I am unbelievably proud of her for sticking at it. I can guarantee that wouldn't of been me at that age.

She's had a tough couple of days, sports day is on Friday. Firstly, her football team played in a tournament on Saturday and she scored an own goal. She also passed the ball to the wrong player causing them to score on the opposite team. She was absolutely mortified and the girls on her team were (understandably to an extent) not the kindest to her.

Yesterday she had sports day practice. She came out of school very emotional because she came last in every race. She begged me to let her have sports day off school.

Now I won't lie, I do let my dc stay at home every now and then. If they seem a bit stressed, tired, run down, overwhelmed with school work etc. this doesn't happen often, it's not a regular thing but I have done it in the past and used it to spend quality one on one time with my dc.

I remember what it's like on sports day. I used to do the same thing to my mum every year and beg for the day off. I know exactly how my dd is feeling and I feel for her so much. Her confidence has really been knocked over the past couple of days.

What would you do?

Just to add - the last time she was off school was in January when she had covid. She hasn't had a day off since.

My gut is telling me to let her stay at home but equally I don't want to have this every year. And I don't want her to think she can always get out of things she doesn't want to do.

I've spent last night filling her with praise, telling her I am so proud of her regardless of sports day or anything else and making sure she's well aware of the many many positive and amazing qualities she has.

I just feel bad for her - I hate sports day even now! It's not always fun for kids or parents for that matter!

[BlackandBlueBird]

I’m really torn on this. Yes, it’s important to be able to say no to things. But there will always be things in life that are not optional that we can’t say no to, so it’s also important to teach our DC that some things are not much fun but we can go out and do them and get through them and breathe a big sigh of relief afterwards.

Two things:

1. I agree that you really need to learn more about what sports day is like at this school. DD8 just had her sports day, there was no recognition at all for who had won anything - they did lots of fun races and everyone got the same sort of sticker coming over the line. I have no idea who came first or last in anything except for DD because I was watching her.
2. I wasn’t a sporty child. I was awful at sports day! I remember one obstacle race where, similar to a PP’s child, everyone else had finished and I was still going, and the teacher came along and ran beside me. That’s about the only race I really remember from sports day and I remember it positively. I was really embarrassed but all the adults heaped so much praise on me for finishing. I got such a huge cheer when I eventually got over the line!

All that said the football experience sounds awful. But if the sports day is inclusive and fun, like many (most?!) are nowadays, it might actually make her feel better not worse.

[BarryStir]

I would have given anything to avoid having to do sports day when I was in secondary school, it was an awful experience, and I never gained anything positive from it. All it did was make me self conscious, put my self esteem on the floor, and opened me up to yet more bullying. I’d let her stay home, OP.

[Quincythequince]

But maybe she won’t come last this year, for whatever reason.

Has she always come last, all the time. Never once placed above last place?

I’m just not keen on kids being allowed to sit out something because they just don’t want to do it.

You will get this time and time again if you give in now, just prepare yourself for that.

[Eastie77Returns]

My DC’s school Sports Day is a fun day with low key team games. I can’t remember where any of my DC placed in events they participated in. It sounds like it’s very competitive in some schools and a lot of unnecessary drama which is a shame.

OP, I’d keep your DD at home if it’s really going to distress her.

[Brefugee]

I wouldn't let her stay off. It is ok not to be good at sport. But it is not ok to teach our children just not to do things they find difficult. And it isn't teaching any sort of resiliancy.

It is ok to know when to quit things, but at age 10 you still need to learn that.

[drpet49]

“I wouldn't let her stay off. It is ok not to be good at sport. But it is not ok to teach our children just not to do things they find difficult. And it isn't teaching any sort of resiliancy.

It is ok to know when to quit things, but at age 10 you still need to learn that.“

^I agree with this.

[Quincythequince]

They are pure exhibitionism at best, and a ritual of abject humiliation at worst

This is simply not true.
And as a nation our exercise is at an all time low. We should all being doing more and it starts young.

[LuckyAmy1986]

I'd let her skip it

[Illegallyblonder]

I’d let her skip it. I’ve let my dd do the same.

[carefullycourageous]

@Quincythequince

They are pure exhibitionism at best, and a ritual of abject humiliation at worst

This is simply not true.
And as a nation our exercise is at an all time low. We should all being doing more and it starts young.

PE in school and sports day is a big part of why so many people hate sport. PE curriculum is awfully out of date and very offputting.

In short PE in school is shit.

I take my kids for loads of exercise, they were always very fit, they do sport outside of school - school PE is part of the problem, sadly not part of the solution.

PE teachers need to completely rethink, but sadly too many of them are fully indoctrinated in the old ways.

[jamapop]

I’d keep her off if you can.

Our school has a mandatory running race. The first year my oldest found it so traumatic (not so much coming last but the whole school standing there and watching them come last) that they are now given free choice whether to do it. If the school hadn’t agreed to this change I’d have kept them off.

[CoralPaperweight]

I didn't think schools did sports day like this any more? Focus in DS school was very much on participating and having fun and the kids were in teams for events. If you let DD stay off you need to tell school the way they are organising sports day is impacting your DD self-esteem and could they do things differently?

[sassyduck]

Let her stay home. Have a lovely day together.

[WouldBeGood]

Let her take the day off. It’s horrible for DCs who are rubbish at it. I always let dd stay off

[WouldBeGood]

Being in teams is even worse if you’re rubbish at the activity

[jamapop]

@carefullycourageous

PE in school and sports day is a big part of why so many people hate sport. PE curriculum is awfully out of date and very offputting.

In short PE in school is shit.

I take my kids for loads of exercise, they were always very fit, they do sport outside of school - school PE is part of the problem, sadly not part of the solution.

PE teachers need to completely rethink, but sadly too many of them are fully indoctrinated in the old ways.

I agree with this.

And it’s so different to being bottom of the class in English or Maths. In those subjects you don’t have crowds of parents and teachers watching you fail. I’m not sure the humiliation part of PE / Sports Day does anything for resilience. All it did was set me against sport. It took a long time for me to even enter a gym I was so against the idea of exercise / sports and saw it all as just embarrassment.

[User3568975431146]

Absolutely. It's a horrible day if it's not your thing, let her have the day off.

[Greenhippoblue]

I wouldn't let her take the day off but would try and see if there's any non-competitive way for her to participate in the day. Otherwise, I'd be trying to play it down and take the heat off, remind her to cheer on the children who aren't winning the other races etc.

[veralera]

@WouldBeGood

Being in teams is even worse if you’re rubbish at the activity

Absolutely. She said yesterday they practiced the relay race and the her team lost because she just couldn't keep up with the others. It just adds to that awful feeling of failure.

[liveforsummer]

@WouldBeGood

Being in teams is even worse if you’re rubbish at the activity

Not on the way our school does it as they are just simple games they take turns at with no win or lose option. It's such a mish mash in a crowd that even if there was then it would he impossible to identify a slower one

[withacherryonthetop]

I’d keep her off. She hates sports, knows she isn’t good at it and doesn’t want this confirmed in front of a crowd of children and parents. I would most definitely keep her off. I haven’t read the full thread but if she’s only year 5 I’d do the same again next year. Sports day in my high school was always optional.

[AndiPandi70]

In a similar position and have decided to let my DS (12) miss his final sports day at his primary school after stressing over it in previous years.
They do an odd thing at his school as they are split into 4 teams across the school and its the team with the most wins who all get a medal or certificate. It is meant to encourage teamwork and give less athletic kids a chnace but doesn't really work. This really winds DS up as it means kids who mess about all day can still win. He's ASD and to him this doesn't make sense and he would perhaps cope better with traditional sports day where the people who are better at sport win.
My thoughts are this is meant to be fun but he gets stressed, worked up and comes home in a foul mood. I've never kept him off before but he's missing 4 days over last few weeks (leavers assembly, 2 trips and sports day) as not worth the distress and damage to his mental health.

[MidwichCuckoo]

I would in your position.

[StaunchMomma]

I do this sometimes. My DS is at a school with a massive focus on sports and he's terrible at all of them. He's really intelligent but that's not praised there. The sporty kids will openly mock him for being a slow runner etc & it's tolerated but if he had anything to say about them having less spellings or doing poorly in tests he'd be in massive trouble.

It's a really shit, skewed system.

Take her out for the day and cheer her up, OP. It sounds like a bit of Mum time might be just what she needs.

[OhMammaMia]

Let her take the day off