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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fuming at this guy in the supermarket

502 replies

Speckledhen2022 · 13/06/2022 18:42

I was in the supermarket this evening and I went to pick up a bottle of fabric conditioner. It was from a good brand and very cheap on offer. A big bottle for a cheap price. It was also the last one of that particular fragrance on the shelf. As I reached out to take it from the shelf, I had almost got it when a guy came by the side of me and grabbed it. He then went over to a girl who I presume was his girlfriend and gave it to her. Presumably, she has asked him to get it for her. I was absolutely fuming. I picked my jaw up off the floor said 'You fucking cunt' and walked off.

AIBU for saying that?

OP posts:
Jakeyachey · 14/06/2022 21:50

Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 21:21

I am angry and upset because they are vile to me but treat other girls so nicely. Obviously these other girls must have something that I don't have

Show quote history

What do you think that is?

decentchap · 14/06/2022 22:10

Amazing responses from women - I wouldn't have used your wording but silently grabbed his arm and taken back the product.
I bet 90% of those who think its unreasonable would give up the last parking spot willingly to anyone who dived in before them.
Its the principle not the product.

FlissyPaps · 14/06/2022 22:19

decentchap · 14/06/2022 22:10

Amazing responses from women - I wouldn't have used your wording but silently grabbed his arm and taken back the product.
I bet 90% of those who think its unreasonable would give up the last parking spot willingly to anyone who dived in before them.
Its the principle not the product.

If someone dived into the last parking spot before you, what can you do? Crash into it? Tow it out? Ask the driver nicely for it back?

I can guarantee calling them a “fucking cunt” would not help the situation, or make them inclined to move their car and let you park there.

It’s Sod’s law. If someone gets something before you do (even if they see you going for it) and get it first, then that’s life. Yes it can be courteous to let someone else have something even though you also want it, but it doesn’t mean we have to.

Our society needs to get a grip and drop the entitlement.

LezzaTheBean · 14/06/2022 22:27

I thought your behaviour was vile, but I now actually feel sad, having read everything you've said. I think what the 'other girls' probably have is higher self esteem - nothing more than that. Loads and loads of women are fat and wear glasses and uncool clothes, but still love and are loved, because they don't have this horrible voice in their head making them feel like crap. I would say it's this inner voice that's the problem, not men as a generality. Because you have such a low opinion of yourself, you have attracted some men who have treated you badly. They are shits, but they're not typical of men as a whole. Most men are really, really nice - as are most women, in real life. Most people - men and women - are just okay, decent people, trying to go about their business without shitting on anyone else. Fabric softener man wasn't grabbing the last bottle because he knew you wanted it and he wanted to hurt you. He wasn't grabbing it because he looked at you and didn't like what he saw. He grabbed it because he was in a hurry and wasn't thinking about anything much at all.

I really do think you should try to get counselling. I think you can self-refer via IAPT - I know the waiting lists are hideous, but it would be a start (assuming you can't afford private, as most people can't).

Rather than feeling justified in calling this man a fucking cunt to his face, perhaps you could take it as a signal that you need to do something to help yourself?

SmartCarDriver · 14/06/2022 22:34

decentchap · 14/06/2022 22:10

Amazing responses from women - I wouldn't have used your wording but silently grabbed his arm and taken back the product.
I bet 90% of those who think its unreasonable would give up the last parking spot willingly to anyone who dived in before them.
Its the principle not the product.

Amazing response from a woman that's not bothered to read even the OPs posts!

I'll stick up for women when they're in the right, but not when they're not.

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 11:36

Jakeyachey · 14/06/2022 21:50

What do you think that is?

Show quote history

I don't know. I never get asked on dates. I have tried online dating but it was just awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 11:39

LezzaTheBean · 14/06/2022 22:27

I thought your behaviour was vile, but I now actually feel sad, having read everything you've said. I think what the 'other girls' probably have is higher self esteem - nothing more than that. Loads and loads of women are fat and wear glasses and uncool clothes, but still love and are loved, because they don't have this horrible voice in their head making them feel like crap. I would say it's this inner voice that's the problem, not men as a generality. Because you have such a low opinion of yourself, you have attracted some men who have treated you badly. They are shits, but they're not typical of men as a whole. Most men are really, really nice - as are most women, in real life. Most people - men and women - are just okay, decent people, trying to go about their business without shitting on anyone else. Fabric softener man wasn't grabbing the last bottle because he knew you wanted it and he wanted to hurt you. He wasn't grabbing it because he looked at you and didn't like what he saw. He grabbed it because he was in a hurry and wasn't thinking about anything much at all.

I really do think you should try to get counselling. I think you can self-refer via IAPT - I know the waiting lists are hideous, but it would be a start (assuming you can't afford private, as most people can't).

Rather than feeling justified in calling this man a fucking cunt to his face, perhaps you could take it as a signal that you need to do something to help yourself?

@LezzaTheBean You say that most men are nice. Well they are not nice to me. And counselling will not magically make men stop treating me badly for no reason.

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 15/06/2022 11:41

I think you might find it could help …

beastlyslumber · 15/06/2022 12:31

counselling will not magically make men stop treating me badly for no reason

I bet it will improve their behaviour by at least 50%.

Purplefoxes · 15/06/2022 13:46

Personally I find there is a marked difference in the way men treat me if I am wearing make up and have made an effort with my hair versus not. If I'm not most men will let a door hit me in the face whereas if I am they'll actively hold it open. I don't think counselling will improve that haha. Perhaps it's a sign of age and becoming invisible.

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 14:49

Purplefoxes · 15/06/2022 13:46

Personally I find there is a marked difference in the way men treat me if I am wearing make up and have made an effort with my hair versus not. If I'm not most men will let a door hit me in the face whereas if I am they'll actively hold it open. I don't think counselling will improve that haha. Perhaps it's a sign of age and becoming invisible.

I am still quite young (early twenties), now slim, wear contacts lenses, wear nice clothes, generally make an effort. Men are still vile to me, so I don't really think appearance makes a difference

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 15/06/2022 14:52

Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 14:49

I am still quite young (early twenties), now slim, wear contacts lenses, wear nice clothes, generally make an effort. Men are still vile to me, so I don't really think appearance makes a difference

Show quote history

Well then maybe it wasn't your appearance.

Huelva94 · 15/06/2022 14:58

He was very rude, obviously saw what you were going to pick just at that moment... saw there was just the one left and... I bet he felt good about himself and the girlfriend /wife would have told him so with a smile... Unfortunately this is how the World is all about .. Me, myself and I... As one of the TV's advert ends with :"Because I am worth it"...

girlmom21 · 15/06/2022 14:59

I am still quite young (early twenties), now slim, wear contacts lenses, wear nice clothes, generally make an effort. Men are still vile to me, so I don't really think appearance makes a difference

If it's not your appearance it's your personality. I'm sorry OP, and I'm not normally a NAMALT kind of person but they're not.

Marvellousmadness · 15/06/2022 15:01

😱get a grip would ya.

HELLITHURT · 15/06/2022 15:06

Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 14:49

I am still quite young (early twenties), now slim, wear contacts lenses, wear nice clothes, generally make an effort. Men are still vile to me, so I don't really think appearance makes a difference

Show quote history

Early twenties and you feel you can't have the children you've always wanted? That may be the issue, you sound totally desperate and full on!

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 15:13

HELLITHURT · 15/06/2022 15:06

Early twenties and you feel you can't have the children you've always wanted? That may be the issue, you sound totally desperate and full on!

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I will never be able to get married or have children because men are always vile to me totally unprovoked. They always have been.

OP posts:
Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 15:14

ReneBumsWombats · 15/06/2022 14:52

Well then maybe it wasn't your appearance.

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The guys are school always bullied me for me appearance. Now I am not sure why they are still vile to me.

OP posts:
User2145738790 · 15/06/2022 15:16

This has taken a bizarre turn.

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 15:16

girlmom21 · 15/06/2022 14:59

I am still quite young (early twenties), now slim, wear contacts lenses, wear nice clothes, generally make an effort. Men are still vile to me, so I don't really think appearance makes a difference

If it's not your appearance it's your personality. I'm sorry OP, and I'm not normally a NAMALT kind of person but they're not.

They are vile to me for no reason. I never do anything to them. They are just rude to me totally unprovoked. Yet other girls get the flowers and holidays. For the people saying I sound bitter, well they would also be bitter if they had been treated like I have been all my life

OP posts:
HELLITHURT · 15/06/2022 15:24

Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 15:16

They are vile to me for no reason. I never do anything to them. They are just rude to me totally unprovoked. Yet other girls get the flowers and holidays. For the people saying I sound bitter, well they would also be bitter if they had been treated like I have been all my life

Show quote history

You never do anything to them part from call them fucking cunts, because they have a girlfriend and take a bottle of fabric conditioner.

Get help

Chaoslatte · 15/06/2022 15:30

OP I really do think you need some CBT. It’s extremely unlikely that all men are just horrible to you for no reason. It sounds like there are probably a few things at play here:


  • your low self esteem, which means you are taking random things as a personal insult when they really are not (like the fabric conditioner incident) and also giving out kick-me vibes

  • some men genuinely have been horrible to you, and you are being defensive/prickly towards all men now which causes a vicious cycle of unpleasant interactions

  • your desperation for male attention/love and strange fixation on certain trappings which are probably putting men off

I think CBT could help you improve your self esteem, stop you feeling so hopeless and change your attitude towards men so that you can have more positive interactions with them.
By the way, a man has never paid for me to go on holiday. In fact as I am the breadwinner I effectively pay for DP to go on holiday!

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 15:32

HELLITHURT · 15/06/2022 15:24

You never do anything to them part from call them fucking cunts, because they have a girlfriend and take a bottle of fabric conditioner.

Get help

Show quote history

In the past men have bullied/mocked me for no reason. I never did anything to them. Guys would call me names, tell me to get out the way, push in front of me, shout at me for no fucking reason. I am not taking it anymore. Supermarket guy was rude to me so he got called that.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/06/2022 15:46

For the people saying I sound bitter, well they would also be bitter if they had been treated like I have been all my life

You say all your life but you're early 20s so you're mostly talking about boys being mean, unless you have some childhood trauma.

Boys picking on you for wearing glasses are not the same as men wanting the last fabric conditioner. That's not somebody being nasty or cruel to you. You don't get to call someone a cunt for being faster than you.

If you assume every man is the enemy this won't get better.

HELLITHURT · 15/06/2022 15:48

Speckledhen2022 · 15/06/2022 15:32

In the past men have bullied/mocked me for no reason. I never did anything to them. Guys would call me names, tell me to get out the way, push in front of me, shout at me for no fucking reason. I am not taking it anymore. Supermarket guy was rude to me so he got called that.

Show quote history

Ok, you called him for that? Do you think he gave a shit? Whereas you are upset and bitter, your are not helping yourself.