Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fuming at this guy in the supermarket

502 replies

Speckledhen2022 · 13/06/2022 18:42

I was in the supermarket this evening and I went to pick up a bottle of fabric conditioner. It was from a good brand and very cheap on offer. A big bottle for a cheap price. It was also the last one of that particular fragrance on the shelf. As I reached out to take it from the shelf, I had almost got it when a guy came by the side of me and grabbed it. He then went over to a girl who I presume was his girlfriend and gave it to her. Presumably, she has asked him to get it for her. I was absolutely fuming. I picked my jaw up off the floor said 'You fucking cunt' and walked off.

AIBU for saying that?

OP posts:
HELLITHURT · 14/06/2022 12:46

Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 12:42

So how I help myself then? I can't exactly stop men being vile to me/mocking me/laughing at me for no reason, can I?

Show quote history

I have already said get counselling, it may help your self esteem, etc. But calling a random man in the supermarket a fucking cunt is not the way forward.

Supposing the man and his girlfriend had gone back at you, called you a stupid bitch for being so rude, both laughed at you for such a reaction? How would that have made you feel? Because, you will come across people that will do that if you call them fucking cunts. I don't think that situation would be helpful to you at all.

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 12:46

HELLITHURT · 14/06/2022 12:42

Ok, you may have had that, but I still say calling a man a fucking cunt and assuming he was trying to mock you to impress his girlfriend, is just such a reach.

Maybe he was rude, but come on, it's nothing to do with his girlfriend, if she hadn't been with him, would you have been ok then? Because, its all nasty about the "darling girlfriend"? Would you not have called him a cunt then? Or would you have decided that he was stil la fucking cunt, because he was probably going to take it home to his darling girlfriend and present it as "I snatched this from the hands of another woman for you my darling"?

Show quote history

I would have also been annoyed and thought he was rude if his girlfriend wasn't with him. But yes, I felt more annoyed that he snatched it and then gave it to her. He was rude to me to give her what she wanted. Probably that's why I felt so annoyed and called him that.

OP posts:
DontBlameMe79 · 14/06/2022 12:47

OP I think your approach was a bit harsh but acceptable. As earlier posters have said if genders were reversed it would be unacceptable and probably viewed as a verbal assault, however for a woman to do it is less of an issue. Others will not agree but my view is that it is different depending on whether it is a man or a woman making the statement you made. Cue the “we’re all the same” outrage, but don’t listen to it.

Blossomtoes · 14/06/2022 12:48

He wasn’t rude to you. You were spectacularly rude to him.

HELLITHURT · 14/06/2022 12:48

DontBlameMe79 · 14/06/2022 12:47

OP I think your approach was a bit harsh but acceptable. As earlier posters have said if genders were reversed it would be unacceptable and probably viewed as a verbal assault, however for a woman to do it is less of an issue. Others will not agree but my view is that it is different depending on whether it is a man or a woman making the statement you made. Cue the “we’re all the same” outrage, but don’t listen to it.

OP claims she thinks men and women are equal....

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 12:49

HELLITHURT · 14/06/2022 12:46

I have already said get counselling, it may help your self esteem, etc. But calling a random man in the supermarket a fucking cunt is not the way forward.

Supposing the man and his girlfriend had gone back at you, called you a stupid bitch for being so rude, both laughed at you for such a reaction? How would that have made you feel? Because, you will come across people that will do that if you call them fucking cunts. I don't think that situation would be helpful to you at all.

Show quote history

No, I don't think it will help my self esteem.

Believe me, men and their girlfriends have said much worse than that to me.

OP posts:
DontBlameMe79 · 14/06/2022 12:57

HELLITHURT · 14/06/2022 12:48

OP claims she thinks men and women are equal....

Show quote history

Yes, I’m putting her straight on the basics. Hopefully will make it clearer for her.

Soooonotoverit · 14/06/2022 13:05

Based on your posts, you have a lot of pent up anger from previous mistreatment from people in general and FabConGuy got the brunt of it.

This was disproportionate and you need to find a middle ground. It’s ok to be cross but not ok to go the extreme unjustifiably.

beastlyslumber · 14/06/2022 13:06

You don't seem to get that you were not the victim in this situation, but the aggressor. Yes, he may have been inconsiderate (or just didn't realise?) but you were verbally abusive.

I don't think it's the same as if a man had said that to you. But I do think it's pretty bad - for you. What does that sort of behaviour do for how you feel? It seems like it's just making you feel frightened, defensive, and like a perpetual victim.

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 13:21

Soooonotoverit · 14/06/2022 13:05

Based on your posts, you have a lot of pent up anger from previous mistreatment from people in general and FabConGuy got the brunt of it.

This was disproportionate and you need to find a middle ground. It’s ok to be cross but not ok to go the extreme unjustifiably.

Well wouldn't you have pent up anger if men had been vile to you your entire life?
They are vile to me, but nice to their darling girlfriends

OP posts:
Chaoslatte · 14/06/2022 13:25

He really wasn’t vile to you. He took a product off a shelf that he was just as entitled to as you were. It’s not like he shoved you to the ground and wrestled it from your hands. Have you considered therapy?

Frazzledmummy123 · 14/06/2022 13:27

Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 13:21

Well wouldn't you have pent up anger if men had been vile to you your entire life?
They are vile to me, but nice to their darling girlfriends

Show quote history

All this 'darling girlfriends' stuff is starting to indicate that the guy stealing the washing up liquid isn't the real issue here, and more to do with some unresolved issues you have with men in general? Almost every post you've added on this thread cries out bitterness, I think you need to stop for a minute and look at how you are coming across.

purplephazersettostun · 14/06/2022 13:28

I'd have probably "congratulations wanker" rather than cunt, but you were totally in the right!

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 13:29

Chaoslatte · 14/06/2022 13:25

He really wasn’t vile to you. He took a product off a shelf that he was just as entitled to as you were. It’s not like he shoved you to the ground and wrestled it from your hands. Have you considered therapy?

No, because therapy isn't going reverse years of men being vile to me, now is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 13:31

purplephazersettostun · 14/06/2022 13:28

I'd have probably "congratulations wanker" rather than cunt, but you were totally in the right!

thanks

OP posts:
Soooonotoverit · 14/06/2022 13:33

You really, really need to stop pushing your anger on those trying to give you advice.

You don’t know what others have been through. 😉 You will find life much easier when you acknowledge, accept, deal with, move on productively, appreciate the good in people and not automatically see the negative in absolutely every word that people say, even when it’s positive and said with good intentions.

Your guard is up for a reason and you know this.

Good luck. Don’t end up lonely and even more bitter and resentful than you already are.

MissStarry · 14/06/2022 13:33

It really sounds like you have a lot of historical trauma/experience to work through; I’d suggest rather than allowing this to cloud your judgment about what constitutes rude/bullying behaviour you try and move forward with a clean slate and not allow past experiences to turn you into a swearing fishwife in public over an act that is not ideal, but totally normal and in no way personal attack on you. They just wanted it, same as you. He was faster.

Was it amazing etiquette on his part? No.
Is this an unusual situation? No.
Was it aimed at you or an attack on your personality or character? No.

A good phrase is “best revenge is a life well lived”, when I’ve felt angry, bitter and generally bad about various things that have happened to me I try and live by this, and focus on positive things and develop my self-esteem by improving areas of my life that made me feel like that, and taking the high ground and being as successful as possible so that when things like this happen, it’s a minor event and seeing as you got an alternative product- in real terms it’s irrelevant.

It wasn’t a personal act against you in any way. Try and separate where people are actually attacking you or acts genuinely focused on you and save the vitriol for those individuals rather than kicking off under this kind of situation.

Otherwise you’ll be effing and jeffing throughout life at many random strangers who are (in their mind), doing pretty basic and innocuous acts and that’s not good joojoo. All the best op x

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 13:36

Frazzledmummy123 · 14/06/2022 13:27

All this 'darling girlfriends' stuff is starting to indicate that the guy stealing the washing up liquid isn't the real issue here, and more to do with some unresolved issues you have with men in general? Almost every post you've added on this thread cries out bitterness, I think you need to stop for a minute and look at how you are coming across.

Show quote history

Well wouldn't you be bitter if you were always bullied and mocked and other girl gets asked on dates, treated well, got a nice boyfriend, got taken on holiday etc. ?

OP posts:
SmartCarDriver · 14/06/2022 13:38

You've not really come on here to ask "AIBU", because anyone that says you are, you argue with and say how justified you are as men and their darling girlfriends have historically been vile to you.

So what did you come on for? Was it too vent your anger at how you've been treated previously? In which case a counsellor is much better at assisting you with this.

If you think calling the man a fucking cunt is going to make men and their darling girlfriends treat you better in the long term, you're wrong.

You're very rarely going to get a 100% YANBU.

MissStarry · 14/06/2022 13:39

Being bitter isn’t going to help though?

girlmom21 · 14/06/2022 13:46

Well wouldn't you be bitter if you were always bullied and mocked and other girl gets asked on dates, treated well, got a nice boyfriend, got taken on holiday etc. ?

Is that their fault?

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 13:47

SmartCarDriver · 14/06/2022 13:38

You've not really come on here to ask "AIBU", because anyone that says you are, you argue with and say how justified you are as men and their darling girlfriends have historically been vile to you.

So what did you come on for? Was it too vent your anger at how you've been treated previously? In which case a counsellor is much better at assisting you with this.

If you think calling the man a fucking cunt is going to make men and their darling girlfriends treat you better in the long term, you're wrong.

You're very rarely going to get a 100% YANBU.

Well men have always been vile to me and I don't anything I do is going to change that. Yeah, perhaps I did come to vent about that.

OP posts:
StridTheKiller · 14/06/2022 13:49

You sound pleasant OP.

Original poster
Speckledhen2022 · 14/06/2022 13:50

girlmom21 · 14/06/2022 13:46

Well wouldn't you be bitter if you were always bullied and mocked and other girl gets asked on dates, treated well, got a nice boyfriend, got taken on holiday etc. ?

Is that their fault?

Did I say it was? It is not fucking fair that I never got that

OP posts:
Jakeyachey · 14/06/2022 13:53

This has kind of taken a very big turn.

op. I’m sorry you’ve been mistreated your whole life. I don’t think the answer is to call men in super markets fucking cunts for minor etiquette misdemeanours.

you clearly have some very significant mental health issues surrounding men in general and women who have a male partner. I honestly think you need to get some help to work your way through that.