To not have made my son share

[Noshare]

At a soft play type place today and my son was playing with something, another little girl kept coming up and trying to take it off him (both about 2.5). I kept politely saying 'sorry sweetheart he's playing with this one' and giving her something else which she'd take away and play with for a bit and then come back.

My son can get a bit fixated on certain things so he was playing with this for about 15 mins.

Anyway, the little girls mum came up and asked my son if he would share it now and let her have a turn and I said 'hes playing with this at the moment but as soon as he's finished she can have a go with it'. She scoffed and said don't I teach my children to share. I replied that our definition of sharing obviously differs.

They were like blocks in different shapes but she wanted the specific block my son had even though she'd piled up the others which were practically the same if that makes sense?

If he was on a swing or something and it was the only one then I'd of course tell him to let someone else have a turn now after a certain time but I don't think sharing means just giving someone what they ask for when they ask for it if that makes sense? There were plenty of other things practically the same as this item her daughter could play with.

Was I being unreasonable and failing to teach my son to share by not making him just hand over what he was playing with the moment he was asked?!

By your logic; it’s also not fair to “hog” something for 15 minutes in a communal soft play!

I sometimes think with these questions/posts, you had to be there to get the full picture.

People reading newspapers in Costa tend not to be 2.

It's part of a toddler's job description to be selfish, and it's part of the adults around to teach them that selfishness isn't really the best way.

The quantity of toys in the OP is irrelevant. As is the hypothesis that the other child wouldn't have given one of them to the OP's son.

The only takeaway from this is that one child has had it reinforced that his innate and natural (at that age) selfishness is fine.

Is it hogging if there are 20 more or the same thing? As I've said if it was a one off item id have made him share.

Exactly @HeleenaHandcart too often on threads I see that some posters seem to think if you/your child are asked for/to do something then you need to do it or you're TERRIBLE! Remembering recent post about a mnetter being told they were awful and cruel for not moving tables in a cafe when demanded of.

It's part of a toddler's job description to be selfish, and it's part of the adults around to teach them that selfishness isn't really the best way.

And it's not selfish to pile up all of an item so no one else can use them?

If she really did have all the other blocks, what the mum said about not teaching him to share makes no sense whatsoever. Are you sure it's right? 🤔

Yes that's exactly why I said I think our definitions differ.

Well obviously the child wanted to collect all the blocks as part of her game.

Thing is when you are out and about and the toys don't belong to you other children are also going to want to play with them . Sometimes they need to learn that they can't have everything they want

The fact the child was going round taking all the stuff of everyone, certainly didn't sound like that scenario in your first post.

The other mum should have just said ‘is there any chance my child could have that block your son has for a few minutes as she wants the ‘full set’.
Instead she framed it as ‘your son isn’t sharing’.

I’d have been fine with the first request, not the second.

Sometimes they need to learn that they can't have everything they want

Ironic.

And this is why my child was always told that they can try to eg build a tower that includes every block but in a public space if someone else is using a block /several blocks then that game might just not be possible. I wouldn’t have indulged her either OP. Taking turns on a swing is one thing, expecting to have a turn of having the entire collection of a couple of dozen soft play shapes simply isn’t reasonable however long you wait. One of my kids liked lining up vehicles - I’d have been ridiculed for suggesting he should have a turn at having all six ride on toys so he could line them up!

At a soft play type place today and my son was playing with something, another little girl kept coming up and trying to take it off him (both about 2.5). I kept politely saying 'sorry sweetheart he's playing with this one' and giving her something else which she'd take away and play with for a bit and then come back.

So she'd take the offered toy and play for a bit, then go round taking the blocks off other children? Complete change of situation. OP.

So one thing I didn't mention in my OP and said 3 posts and a matter of minutes into the thread and I've got more drips than a leaky tap... Okay.

Their age is irrelevant - the other child needs to learn that if someone is using/playing with something they have no right to take it away from them. I would expect exactly the same if my toddler. By insisting they 'share' you're teaching them entitlement.

My 2.5 year old loves to gather. I don't see a problem with it as long as she passes them on when other children want to play with them, which she generally does after a chat. If other children are gathering, she enjoys helping them gather. If she wants to take something off another child and they don't want to we stop her, but tbh honest I'd be a bit peeved of another child was hogging a block for 15 minutes too.

Maybe your child will also go through a gathering phase and you'll feel differently then? Maybe you won't and you'll find it perfectly acceptable as your child isn't really 'playing' anyway?

Soft play is always tricky, we haven't been for a while because it's always a headache dealing with other parents and their children.

Yanbu. Why should her kid have say 19 blocks and wants the 1 your kid has to complete her 'set'. At that age if your toddler had been playing with your empty coffee cup her kid would have probably wanted to have that too!

"You did the right thing sticking up for your son, good for you. He had one block, she had 20, his feelings are as valid as anyone else’s."

^^This. The woman was very rude in her comment to you.

But wasn't the point of her game to gather all of them?

Yes, but that game isn't appropriate in a setting with communal toys. I would have thought that was obvious. It's not her fault obviously, she's 2, but the parent should have explained to her that she couldn't play that way there and moved her on to something else.

@Noshare your first post said she was taking the offered toy, playing with them but then coming back to lay with the toy your child was hogging. Strange you didn't mention she was actually commandeering all the blocks.

Might be the most PFB post I've seen all year 🙄

I can see your PoV OP, I would happily have done the same!

Yanbu.
Unless it is a personal toy from home otherwise they take turns.

Likewise in the park.