To ask if you could go back and undo having children would you?

[josil]

Genuinely, would you really undo it (not just some days are tough but overall I wouldn't undo it) I want opinions from those that have for a while felt like they wouldn't do it all over again.

Appreciate many threads on this but am keen to hear not just if you would undo it but if you would, why?

Currently reading 'regretting motherhood' by Orna Donath which has been thought provoking

You mean do I wish my children weren’t here?
of course I bloody don’t.

No I wouldn't undo it. I can see why some mothers/fathers would, especially if their child is challenging etc. Its hard enough as it is.

Not ANOTHER one of these. 🙄 SO tedious and always end up in a bunfight. Why not just go read the other 50 threads (on this same subject,) that have been posted this year? 😐

It’s hard. I’m what people would probably consider quite a “selfish mother”

My world doesn’t revolve around my kids, I find things way way more fun without them and I actively looks forward to when they’re grown and moved out so me and my husband can get back to all the fun things we like to do!

But at the same time, the endless joy they bring, watching them grow and learn and become little functioning people, the way they make me laugh, the cuddles. It’s all just so worthwhile and really makes me whole.

They have made me a better person, made me actively want to be a better person and made me fall so much more in love with my husband by seeing what an awesome dad he is.

I think if I could go back, a small part of me wouldn’t want to have children, but a bigger part of me definitely would.

@PurpleButterflyWings if you don't want to read it you can scroll past!

No, I’m 6 months in and so far it’s the best thing I’ve ever done

I don't regret having DD as such, I regret having DD when I did and with who I did.

If she had a better father (I'm basically a lone parent bar a few hours EOWend) and I was slightly older when I had her things might have been easier for us.

But overall I love her, miss her when she's at school and wouldn't change her for the world.

No I wouldn’t.
But I wish I knew that I would give up my career to bring them up, give up my pelvic floor for them, restrict what I actually wanted to do for them, only for them to walk away and me need to virtually beg for the tiniest bit of their time. It’s heartbreaking how they walk away.
Saying that you’ve done well to bring up independent adults is no good when you desperately miss them.

@KangarooKenny sorry to hear that. How often do you see/speak to them?

Yes, without a doubt

No. Best thing I’ve ever done

@R00K can I ask why?

One is at Uni so I see them three times a year on the holidays. I’ve asked to go down for a meal etc, but they say no.
The other never contacts me, but will reply if I message them.
Honestly, it breaks my heart. I used to see my parents most weeks after I’d left home.

You said in your first post you know there are many threads on this, and then you start another? Why? Makes no sense. They ALWAYS end up full of discord and vitriol - often against children and mothers, Makes me wonder what peoples motives are for starting these threads over and over tbh.

I'm going against the grain and saying I think given the option again I probably wouldn't have them. They are awesome human beings but I really worry for their future and what global events they may grow up to witness: the events of the global climate crisis and the subsequent fall out, the ever growing issues politically, unstable food security etc. It just doesn't look like a world I would like them to inherit.

@KangarooKenny so sorry to hear that

No i wouldn't undo having my kids. Even just reading your thread topic made me balk at the idea. Mine are little and can be hard work but I'm at the stage that they are basically always with me and keeping them near is instinctive and comforting.

I can't imagine how painful it would be to never see them when they grow up.

There are definitely days I would be tempted to say yes.

My ex husband walked out when the kids were one and two weeks old and I've done it alone since then.

Life would be a lot easier in so many ways.

But my life would be far worse without my kids in it.

I dont regret ny children. I regret who I had them with though.

I'd change that.

God no I definitely wouldn't undo mine

I genuinely enjoy being with them. I like playing lego or games with them, love love love days at the beach with them.

My life is richer and fuller with them in it.

I love motherhood. My only regret is that we aren't having any more for practical reasons. If those reasons were solved (age, money, support from family etc) then I would have more. I can't imagine regretting having them. One of the best things I ever did.

Never in a million years do I regret having kids.

Yes because it absolutely fucked up my mental health and I dont think I'll ever be genuinely happy again and this is not a new thing,my kids are 16 and10.

No way. Obviously I don't enjoy every minute and I love the very rare opportunities we have to leave them with someone else for a day or two, but the overall balance is so far positive I don't even have to think about it for a second. Sounds cheesy but they actually are the light of my life.