It’s not about MH trumping the childrens needs, it is fear of the impact it will have on them. The children remains the priority so on top of MH, you have the guilt that you are causing unknown damage to them.
my mother has MH issues and it destroyed our lives, albeit there was far more abuse and neglect that my children did not experience. I spent years believing I would not/could not have children so patterns didn’t repeat. After 10 years of therapy and with a supportive partner, I believed I could parent well. My children have safety nets that I didn’t - good friends, a safe second parent, were spoken to in child friendly terms but not kept in the dark and encouraged to talk about there feelings.
they did not know that I was suicidal and it was only the knowledge of the damage to them that stopped me. Or that I had hallucinations of the children approaching me with knives, telling me to kill Myself because they didn’t want me.
MH is not self indulgent and nor can you decide to control it at will. Do you really think I want to feel as I do? I fought to stay out of hospital for them.
I don’t wish They weren’t here. I do wish I’d never had them so they didn’t have to have me as their mum. I wish I’d known how Much I’d be triggered by having children. It magnified my mother’s neglect and abuse to an unbearable extent that played out in nightmares and hallucinations.
but my children are safe, happy and cared for. They go to school and have friends, our lives revolve around theres. I hope and pray it is enough.