To ask if you could go back and undo having children would you?

[josil]

Genuinely, would you really undo it (not just some days are tough but overall I wouldn't undo it) I want opinions from those that have for a while felt like they wouldn't do it all over again.

Appreciate many threads on this but am keen to hear not just if you would undo it but if you would, why?

I love my kids and wouldn't now be without them, but if I knew then what I know now I may have decided not to have any. I'm going through the difficult teenage years!

Never! I do sometimes wonder what will be left of me when DS grows up, but even if he walks away and never looks back it would be worth it all for the memory of sitting with him on my knee just looking out the window and saying "dog" whenever a dog went past.

phew, quite a few different opinions on here. I don't regret it for a minute and would have done it earlier if I'd known how much I'd love it and how much it would bring out the best in me. However I didn't really want children beforehand (just left it to chance because I thought I might as well). I wonder whether maybe having no particular expectations has made the difficult parts more bearable/expected? Also being in a decent financial position has helped a lot.

God no, I don't regret it! My daughters are grown up now and after some rocky years (each!) they are such good friends to me, we have a lot of lovely times together, and THEY actually do stuff for ME now 😀 Ok sometimes when they were going through their worst phases I admit I didn't see this coming :) but in general when you have a child you are bolstering your family/support system from underneath, even if it takes some time to come good.

No and it’s also been harder than I could possibly have imagined. The love and richness they give my life is incomparable.

A bit shocked at the amount of parents who think their Mh is more important than another person's existence (Well not that shocked tbf, aibu is quite self indulgent!)

No I wouldn’t undo it. If I’d known in advance what it would really be like I probably wouldn’t have had them tbh, because I’m basically quite lazy, but that would have been a shame. They are bloody hard work (one with sn especially) but bring a huge extra dimension and lots of love.

As a pp said however, in my next life I’m sticking to pets! I love my DC hugely but am also aware of all the things that haven’t been possible due to having DC. In my next life I’d like those options. Or maybe in my next life I’d like to be a man, since they seem to be able to have DC but keep more of their own life intact <looking at you DH>

Definitely. Kids are not for me. Mine are adults now, dreading them having their own and having to be a grandmother.
I don't not love my kids nor have I ever not loved or liked them, my own are different. I don't like kids in general apart from mine and really I'm not cut out to be a parent. I was a shit one.
I now have dogs and I am much more comfortable having them than having kids. I should have stuck to that and secretly hope my kids do the same.

Absolutely, 100% not.
My DC has made life so much richer and more vibrant.

I love my children (now teens) more than anything else. I would die for them without hesitation. I am also on anti anxiety medication because of them. Love makes one vulnerable. My fear of them dying consumed me (not without cause: we have had a series of serious health issues).

My friend once said she only wished she had stopped at one, so that if anything happened to him she could kill herself. I know what she means.

I don't think my life would be richer without kids...but maybe if I had never wanted kids I would have been happier in that I would have been less vulnerable.

I don't enjoy motherhood. There are so many more exciting/rewarding things in life to do that do not involve Lego.

And I never stopped mourning my stretch mark and scar free body that was gone overnight at 27.

I'd choose a great life without kids vs great life with kids. Those choices no one can offer though, so I'd stick with my "better the devil I know" life if forced to choose. I have one child.

Part of me would like to see a Sliding Doors version of my life, as I was just shy of 22 when I had my eldest DC.

Mostly due to said bloody child asking me “What would you be doing if you hadn’t had me/siblings?”.

Which I think was sparked by me
graduating from University due to the Pandemic grinding my degree to a halt (no lab time = no skills signed off + me going part time as there was zero chance of being able to study whilst “homeschooling”).

We did spend a fun few hours coming up with possible scenarios.

Note: I’m in my late 30s now so this isn’t a small child asking!

No.

And I say that as the most non-maternal person in the world.

I am tired of this narrative that all parents secretly regret having kids. FGS.

No regrets. My son is 25 and my daughter is 23. Yes there were tough bits, of course. Awful bits, on occasion - I mean what mother hasn't had a moment where they've thought 'what the actual FUCK' 😂But that's normal
Isn't it. That's part of it. It's a big leap to go from that to regret. Lots of things in life (most things) have good and bad.

You know, it just doesn't even occur to me to think of life without them or wish them away. This is my life, they are in it, they may (possible, I don't know, i don't consider it) have restricted me in some ways but also they have brought so much into my life. So no, don't regret having them. That seems to me to be as madly impossible as regretting existing myself

Although no I would still choose to have my children and I will say you've never felt love like it until you have your own children. I would literally die for mine no questions asked.
However, before I had children I never understood why someone would choose not to have children. Now that I have children I have a new found respect for those that have decided not to it's a lot of hard work, a lot of worry and stress and a huge expense. Yet the love for me makes it all worthwhile

Yes, however I am a lone parent and this is I life I would never have chosen so yes I would undo it if I could (doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids just wouldn’t have kids if I could have my time again)

A life*

I have 3 daughters and I love them dearly.
However if I had a shot at another life, I wouldn't choose motherhood again.
I am divorced and get every second weekend off. Those weekends feel like how my life was supposed to be.

Yeah, God forbid a woman should think of herself.
Now where's that stick to beat myself with ...

What an utterly dickish thing to say! You really can't understand why?

I wouldn't wish my children themselves away. It's not about them.

But I would not have had them. I only agreed to kids because DH promise it would be equal. I wouldn't be what we'd seen - a woman doing all the work while man flits about freely. Well, I do EVERYTHING. It's 10:30am & he's still asleep after spending all night working on a personal hobby. He is never home, his hobby comes first. Comes & goes as pleases, never suggests we do anything & housework isn't a 'priority'. I also sit through almost daily kids' dance, sport or ASD DS's therapies after school. DH whines he has to one a fortnight temporarily.

Worse, everyone thinks he's just the most awesome guy & I'm sour, because he does everything for everyone else as soon as they ask & I'm just dull because I can't go anywhere. I haven't left our town in a year - he's been all over for work/hobby. If I do go, it's so much work to prep/ catch up after I get back it's not worth it.

Without kids I would have still had the freedom to live, travel and have choices.

Got 4, don't regret any of them, love them unconditionally, there's been moments in difficult times where they have tested my patience. Have told all 4, don't have 4 !

My ultimate answer would be yes.

The last seven years have been horrible and mental health truly can affect the type of mother that you are and a lot of mental health struggles are completely out of one’s control. For this reason and knowing that my child deserves a better life I would not choose motherhood. I remember when DC was three and googling people who regret motherhood and wondering this just can’t be me. I had luckily realised this after having one child so I’m counting down the days and grateful that I didn’t bring any further children into the world. I wish that these types of conversations were had more openly and frequently because it would cause a lot of people to rethink the idea of motherhood and all the what if’s that could drastically alter your ability to be the mum that you thought you’d be.

I guarantee my mum probably regrets having her children as over the years she really had no interest in being a mum. I truly wonder why the hell she had children if she had no interest in emotionally developing and pouring into the children that she chose to birth.

I deeply regretted DD for several months after she was born, following to logically knowing that while I didn’t want her to exist, I didn’t want her to be hurt, so if I couldn’t exist like this, then I would have to be the one to go. Definitely some PND in there! After a while I did love her but wouldn’t have a child if I could do it again and then at some point in the first year or two, I moved to deciding I WOULD do it again.

shes 3 now and I think I would do it again, but I am also a “selfish mum,” I don’t really think I am but I do believe my needs matter.