Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed by these 'learning by experiences parents'

182 replies

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 21:07

Name changed for safety.

Feeling thoroughly pissed off with the 'perfect' parents I've crossed paths with today .

First encounter. I'm cycling to work this morning and need to get a move on. Come to the cattle grid type thing on the cycle path and child on bike is blocking the crossing. Parent has already crossed and is patiently encouraging the child to follow. Child is having non of it .Parent is aware of queue behind but Freddie's 'learning experience' and need for Freddie to make the crossing on his own in his own time (for as long as that may take ) is more important , at the expense of others , no sense of urgency or consideration for queue behind which is building up.

Second encounter lunch time in Greggs queuing for a sandwich . Queue is massive and does not seem to be going down. Reason - parent with small child at the front and child wants to pay . Parent patiently explaining to child about contactless and how that works, and then child drops the card and everyone waits while child is encouraged by parent to find and pick up the card (under the counter ). Parent laughs ' never mind Freddie you try it again ,you can do it' and turns and smiles at the queuers as if we should all be impressed. Staff at Greggs look around awkwardly .

FFS pick up the child and the bike and remove them from the cycle path so others can pass!!!!!

Take the card off the child and pay for the sandwich without delay and get out of the way!!!!!

Thank you

OP posts:
EcoCustard · 10/06/2022 21:24

YANBU. I am all for let kids have learning experiences but if there is a queue step aside and try again or leave it until less people are around.

HumunaHey · 10/06/2022 21:31

I didn't vote because yabu to a small extent. The most capable and independent teens/young adults probably had parents like the ones you describe BUT there is a time and a place.

Reminds me of the local park by me. There's an open field, a lovely playground and a skate park filled with steep steel ramps. Parents with their toddlers seem to flock there with their little scooters and balance bikes, while the poor older kids who it's meant for have to do gymnastics to avoid someones precious little 4yo scooting around the bottom of the ramps 🙄. I often explain to my 3yo very loudly why he can't go on the ramps.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 10/06/2022 21:39

I couldn't agree more with you OP, in fact I've just been talking to a friend discussing what changed in history that we've got to the point where kids are made to feel they're more important than adults. I know I'm ancient, but when I was little there was an expression, 'little kids should be seen and not heard', and quite honestly, although it very often led to boredom while the adults talked, we knew better than to kick off and embarrass our parents. Now though, little Johny on his bike gets to rule the roost, how DID this come about? Not wanting to hi-jack your post, but I'd love to know other's thoughts on this.

MotherWol · 10/06/2022 21:41

That must have held you up for at most, a minute or two? It sounds more like you have problems with impatience for other people (children or adults) than anything else.

UrsulaPandress · 10/06/2022 21:44

My piss would be well and truly boiled.

Fuck off out of my way.

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 21:45

You make a good point '@HumunaHey
I have teen who is far from self sufficient and maybe that's because I have always been very conscious of others.

I agree with you little ones should not be on the skate park. Why are some parents so wrapped up in their own children's experiences that they can't see the impact on others. Especially other older children who have less outdoor recreational opportunities open to them.

OP posts:
decayingmatter · 10/06/2022 21:45

MotherWol · 10/06/2022 21:41

That must have held you up for at most, a minute or two? It sounds more like you have problems with impatience for other people (children or adults) than anything else.

If everyone parented like the sort of indulgent, socially unaware parents described nobody would ever get anything done. They can teach their children this sort of shit in situations that don't involve putting everyone in their vicinity out.

Labpictures · 10/06/2022 21:45

MotherWol · 10/06/2022 21:41

That must have held you up for at most, a minute or two? It sounds more like you have problems with impatience for other people (children or adults) than anything else.

This. Ffs children have been stuck in doors with bloody home schooling for two years let them learn to cycle or use the machine

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 21:54

Yes@Speakuptomakeyourselfheard its like world is child led. The child must be allowed to decide and must not be rushed . Maybe its a generational thing 😁

@MotherWol I'm not sure how long it held me up but it felt like ages . Admittedly I was getting impatient.

OP posts:
ofwarren · 10/06/2022 21:55

Labpictures · 10/06/2022 21:45

This. Ffs children have been stuck in doors with bloody home schooling for two years let them learn to cycle or use the machine

The kids weren't off school for 2 years Confused

5128gap · 10/06/2022 21:56

HumunaHey · 10/06/2022 21:31

I didn't vote because yabu to a small extent. The most capable and independent teens/young adults probably had parents like the ones you describe BUT there is a time and a place.

Reminds me of the local park by me. There's an open field, a lovely playground and a skate park filled with steep steel ramps. Parents with their toddlers seem to flock there with their little scooters and balance bikes, while the poor older kids who it's meant for have to do gymnastics to avoid someones precious little 4yo scooting around the bottom of the ramps 🙄. I often explain to my 3yo very loudly why he can't go on the ramps.

Mmm. And some of the most inconsiderate and self absorbed teens and adults probably had patents like that too. There's a time and a place to learn self sufficiency and independence, and a time and a place to learn that other people need to be considered, and the world doesn't revolve around you. I think in the OPs scenarios it was more appropriate to teach the second.

FruitToast · 10/06/2022 22:01

Tbf I do lots of encouraging, learning by experience stuff espescially for DD as she is petrified of everything and we basically have to force her to try new things. However, there is a time and a place for it. I certainly wouldn't be doing it on the school run or when it is clearly impacting people's lunch break. Partly because on the school run and my lunch break, I'd be fuming too. There are just times and places you can't do that type of thing.

Crocsandshocks · 10/06/2022 22:02

You sound extremely impatient so Yabu.

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 22:03

It's the way the parents in both situations were gazing around, and under no circumstances would their child be rushed . I am laughing now that the day is over and I'm sat with my second glass of wine but this morning especially I was fuming at the entitlement

OP posts:
WoolyMammoth55 · 10/06/2022 22:06

@HumunaHey I'm sorry but I really disagree that this indulgent approach fosters resilience. It only fosters entitlement and lack of awareness of the needs or feelings of others.

Unfortunately I have a friend, someone I was very close to at school and have stayed in touch with and am fond of, who has parented her son in the exact way described. Everything he attempted was always reason to inconvenience everyone around them while she went into raptures over his every (extremely moderate) achievement.

He is a really bad-tempered, shrill, solitary, tantrum-y kid and she has always talked about his huge heart and what a gem he is and how glorious it is to be privileged to watch him grow.

Once when he had a cold, aged about 5, he sneezed a huge mess of green snot all over his upper lip and chin, and then put his tongue out and licked it up and swallowed it all. I was almost vomiting in horror - and she smiled and explained that he loved to clean his face that way after a sneeze, and she was sure it was great for his microbiome...

He started school in reception but they felt the school didn't appreciate his uniqueness and brilliance, and withdrew him after 2 terms for "home schooling".

As he gets older he gets nastier and nastier and she gets more and more deluded. We see them much less now.

This type of parenting does the child no favours at all.

bakewellbride · 10/06/2022 22:10

Yanbu op. I only do shit like that when it's quiet! If there are people waiting mummy does it and we crack on.

GreenRainbowSun · 10/06/2022 22:11

You just sound impatient to me.

I might feel the same too if I was in a hurry but I would think I was being unreasonable.

ToooOldForThis · 10/06/2022 22:16

I think there is definitely just a shift in people thinking about other people less these days, whether kids are involved or not. I seem to have had one of these days where I've encountered every rude person on the planet...not giving way properly when driving, no acknowledgement when I've given way, people at work just expecting things will revolve round them...I know I've just had a bad day but it seems more and more common.

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 22:17

Exactly@bakewellbride I think the child on the bike this morning would have been happy for Mummy to step in as they were under pressure from the queue behind them. But Mummy was adamant that there was no rush, child could take as long as they needed, until they felt ready to do it themselves .
Seriously I was not in the mood 😬

OP posts:
grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 22:24

@GreenRainbowSun I admit again that I was impatient.
With hindsight I'm feeling a bit 'was I unreasonable ?' Possibly.
But then no . What were these parents thinking? there's a time and place for children to learn new skills and confidence building, and its not on my way to work or lunch break

OP posts:
SniffletheDinosaur · 10/06/2022 22:26

Beats me how these parents cannot comprehend how ultimately what they’re actually teaching their child is how to be selfish.

TwentyOneTwentyTwo · 10/06/2022 22:32

A cyclist complaining about a queue building up 🤣 pot kettle. I know I'm going to get told off but come on, too easy.

redredredredlorry · 10/06/2022 22:36

Oh god speaking of covid, I remember going to Tesco at the time the aisles were all one way. It was stressful enough with everyone trying to social distance and just get in and out as quick as possible but there was one aisle completely blocked by a woman encouraging her very small child (2 years old max) to walk. She was walking behind him, holding his hands as he walked with the unsteadiness of a toddler that was still learning to walk. Not the time or the place.

Tandora · 10/06/2022 22:36

MotherWol · 10/06/2022 21:41

That must have held you up for at most, a minute or two? It sounds more like you have problems with impatience for other people (children or adults) than anything else.

This

ivykaty44 · 10/06/2022 22:36

Just ask how long it’s going to take

say it’s really nice your teaching you child to learn to ride a bike you probably didn’t expect the audience but could you give us an indication of how long this will take?

said in a neutral voice

Swipe left for the next trending thread