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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed by these 'learning by experiences parents'

182 replies

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 21:07

Name changed for safety.

Feeling thoroughly pissed off with the 'perfect' parents I've crossed paths with today .

First encounter. I'm cycling to work this morning and need to get a move on. Come to the cattle grid type thing on the cycle path and child on bike is blocking the crossing. Parent has already crossed and is patiently encouraging the child to follow. Child is having non of it .Parent is aware of queue behind but Freddie's 'learning experience' and need for Freddie to make the crossing on his own in his own time (for as long as that may take ) is more important , at the expense of others , no sense of urgency or consideration for queue behind which is building up.

Second encounter lunch time in Greggs queuing for a sandwich . Queue is massive and does not seem to be going down. Reason - parent with small child at the front and child wants to pay . Parent patiently explaining to child about contactless and how that works, and then child drops the card and everyone waits while child is encouraged by parent to find and pick up the card (under the counter ). Parent laughs ' never mind Freddie you try it again ,you can do it' and turns and smiles at the queuers as if we should all be impressed. Staff at Greggs look around awkwardly .

FFS pick up the child and the bike and remove them from the cycle path so others can pass!!!!!

Take the card off the child and pay for the sandwich without delay and get out of the way!!!!!

Thank you

OP posts:
Vikinga · 11/06/2022 00:25

I agree ( as a parent of 4) teach them in your own time

antelopevalley · 11/06/2022 00:28

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 23:28

@FuncaMunca that's a really good point which has made me think. I've often been behind elderly people at the check out or ATM and it does not bother me whatsoever . So what is it about he parents and children I've encountered today ?

Elderly people being slow can not help this and have no alternative. It is totally different.

SemperIdem · 11/06/2022 00:32

@Iamconfuzzled

That post was meant to quote a specific poster who stated they enjoy irritating others, a fail on my part.

Your post suggests we probably parent in similar sort of way.

SemperIdem · 11/06/2022 00:37

@gillyff

I have less tolerance when a child is holding up a queue, not towards the child, but the adult they’re with allowing it. The odds on me saying anything about it are zero because I know it isn’t the child’s fault and I’d hate to upset a child. I will quietly think to myself that the adult is an inconsiderate arse though.

I can confirm for you that adults who lack in spatial and social awareness (rucksacks and all) are not London centric, we all suffer them.

Valeriekat · 11/06/2022 07:48

WindyKnickers · 10/06/2022 22:40

People (including children) have to learn by experience. Nothing frustrates me more than pathetic incompetence. Obviously there's a time a place but overall I'm happy to slow my day down a bit so a learner driver doesn't get flustered or the new employee in the cafe can work the till or the coffee machine. Patience is a virtue after all!

Hardly the same thing though is it.

DisgruntledPelican · 11/06/2022 07:50

HumunaHey · 10/06/2022 21:31

I didn't vote because yabu to a small extent. The most capable and independent teens/young adults probably had parents like the ones you describe BUT there is a time and a place.

Reminds me of the local park by me. There's an open field, a lovely playground and a skate park filled with steep steel ramps. Parents with their toddlers seem to flock there with their little scooters and balance bikes, while the poor older kids who it's meant for have to do gymnastics to avoid someones precious little 4yo scooting around the bottom of the ramps 🙄. I often explain to my 3yo very loudly why he can't go on the ramps.

This! I’m more than happy to let DS scoot or run around the pump track and skate park at 8am when no one’s there. I wouldn’t dream of pitching up when it’s busy with older ones.

gillyff · 11/06/2022 08:00

I can confirm for you that adults who lack in spatial and social awareness (rucksacks and all) are not London centric, we all suffer them.

The point was on the tube during rush hour in central London you are in an unnaturally close proximity to them & can't really escape.

Ragwort · 11/06/2022 08:10

YANBU ... of course there is a time and place for learning independent skills but children (& others) need to be considerate of other people. I work in retail and this is a pet peeve, parents slowly explaining that if they spend X out of their pocket money they will only have Y left... do they really want to buy this thing or should they save for something else; or painstakingly counting out their 10ps of pocket money whilst a queue is building up ... of course I have to smile indulgently and say nothing. Grin

cigarettesNalcohol · 11/06/2022 08:10

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 21:07

Name changed for safety.

Feeling thoroughly pissed off with the 'perfect' parents I've crossed paths with today .

First encounter. I'm cycling to work this morning and need to get a move on. Come to the cattle grid type thing on the cycle path and child on bike is blocking the crossing. Parent has already crossed and is patiently encouraging the child to follow. Child is having non of it .Parent is aware of queue behind but Freddie's 'learning experience' and need for Freddie to make the crossing on his own in his own time (for as long as that may take ) is more important , at the expense of others , no sense of urgency or consideration for queue behind which is building up.

Second encounter lunch time in Greggs queuing for a sandwich . Queue is massive and does not seem to be going down. Reason - parent with small child at the front and child wants to pay . Parent patiently explaining to child about contactless and how that works, and then child drops the card and everyone waits while child is encouraged by parent to find and pick up the card (under the counter ). Parent laughs ' never mind Freddie you try it again ,you can do it' and turns and smiles at the queuers as if we should all be impressed. Staff at Greggs look around awkwardly .

FFS pick up the child and the bike and remove them from the cycle path so others can pass!!!!!

Take the card off the child and pay for the sandwich without delay and get out of the way!!!!!

Thank you

YABU and YANBU.

Would you have this attitude towards an elderly person on a mobility scooter or Zimmer frame ? Or a disabled person ? Would you act so impatiently too ? Yes it's annoying (it's probably VERY frustrating for the parents even more so!). Yes there's definitely a time and place and perhaps the long queue at Gregg's isn't the right place (maybe a self checkout till instead where no one is waiting behind). But just remember, everyone - and yes that includes young children/toddlers/Freddie on his fucking bike - deserves respect.

cigarettesNalcohol · 11/06/2022 08:12

Ragwort · 11/06/2022 08:10

YANBU ... of course there is a time and place for learning independent skills but children (& others) need to be considerate of other people. I work in retail and this is a pet peeve, parents slowly explaining that if they spend X out of their pocket money they will only have Y left... do they really want to buy this thing or should they save for something else; or painstakingly counting out their 10ps of pocket money whilst a queue is building up ... of course I have to smile indulgently and say nothing. Grin

How else are they going to learn about money and spending ? Confused
It's this kind of nasty impatience towards others that creates problems down the mine. In 10 years you'll be saying "this young adult has zero financial skills/responsibility. Why didn't the parent teach them about money ?!"

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 11/06/2022 08:13

I’m feeling really proud of myself for having learnt to use a contactless card, not to mention the internet, all by myself - because they didn’t exist when I was a child. Anyway, who;s to say the current contactless system will exist when todays toddlers are adults? It might be as useless a skill as the one I learnt as a toddler - to use a phone with an actual dial you had to put your finger in

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 11/06/2022 08:15

I work in retail & we’re not supposed to let little kids do the contactless payments ( loads do though!)

5128gap · 11/06/2022 08:20

I never once allowed my DC to hold up a queue counting out money or fiddling with a card machine. Yet somehow they are fully financially literate. There are plenty of alternative ways to teach these skills that don't involve inconveniencing other people if you just give it some thought and effort. Teaching them at a time convenient to you (aka you're in the shop and it keeps your DC happy so minimum effort on your part) regardless of others is lazy and inconsiderate.

Ponoka7 · 11/06/2022 08:28

"But I have different feelings when it come to the parents and kids today"

I think that you are looking at every situation with bias. Everyone with children has been there, adults who tut and huff and puff the minute they see a child, even if the child is behaving. It's always been the behaviour of adults that I'd rather not be around. Usually entitled, sexist, or drunk men (on planes, in queues etc). When I've been on planes any children's behaviour has been understandable, unlike a lot of the adults.
As for the poster who did the 'children must be seen and not heard' we gave children voices to stop abuse. That's why we started listening to children. We started listening to women around the same time. Because we all have our place in society.

5foot5 · 11/06/2022 08:28

YouCouldBeAnAirHostessInThe60s · 10/06/2022 23:14

How is it performance parenting? When/where/how else are you supposed to teach them stuff?

The "when" is the relevant bit in your question. When there isn't a massive queue building up because you have chosen to do this at possibly the busiest time of day.

3amAndImStillAwake · 11/06/2022 08:28

I thought you were going to say the parent was having the child count out all the coins to pay at greggs. Even with dropping the card (which could happen to an adult) contactless could not have taken that long. DD is 3 and it's not something I do or would ever do in a shop with a queue, but you must be exaggerating how long this took.

I agree about the cycling one and would have moved DD out of the way.

gillyff · 11/06/2022 08:31

Would you have this attitude towards an elderly person on a mobility scooter or Zimmer frame ? Or a disabled person ? Would you act so impatiently too ?

Unfortunately lots of people do, just a growing intolerance in general to others whilst completely overlooking ones own flaws of course!

gillyff · 11/06/2022 08:32

As for the poster who did the 'children must be seen and not heard' we gave children voices to stop abuse

They probably think this was a mistake, unbelievable!

5128gap · 11/06/2022 08:33

gillyff · 10/06/2022 23:33

there's a time and place for children to learn new skills and confidence building, and its not on my way to work or lunch break

When is the time?

Well, there are quieter times of the day than early morning and lunch hour for a start.
But if the child is still at such an early stage of their learning they're causing significant inconvenience, a bit more practise at home would be helpful and sime advance planning on the part of the parent. For example, there is no need to be counting out money at the counter. This can be done with the child before joining the queue. Similarly they should be encouraged to decide what they are buying in advance.
There are also some things that are better off introduced at a later stage when the child is more dextrous. A toddler using a card machine is age inappropriate.

gillyff · 11/06/2022 08:39

For example, there is no need to be counting out money at the counter

But this isn't in the OP

Similarly they should be encouraged to decide what they are buying in advance.

This also didn't happen in the OP. But I agree with you, I come across tons of adults who don't do this.

Ponoka7 · 11/06/2022 08:40

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows
"I work in retail & we’re not supposed to let little kids do the contactless payments"

That's in your shop, not retail in general.
The poster who thinks that she will lose her job if the child taps the parent's card and there's alcohol is also incorrect.

Bloodyhelldog · 11/06/2022 08:41

I struggle to believe these experiences took as long or were as dramatic as you make out.

I mean, my daughter started tapping my card to pay at about 20 months. She's not a genius, it's just not rocket science. I say "tap there", she taps, we carry on. It takes, on our least efficient day, one second longer.

I just don't really understand people like you. You're queuing in Greggs. You're not that busy.

Flatandhappy · 11/06/2022 08:41

I don’t mind waiting a bit if it takes a child a little longer to do something but performance parents looking around with that “oh isn’t he just so adorable” look make me want to stab something 😁

gillyff · 11/06/2022 08:42

I just don't really understand people like you. You're queuing in Greggs. You're not that busy.

🤣

crossstitchingnana · 11/06/2022 09:00

It's about balance. I used to encourage my children to do stuff on their own, like use self-serve tills. But, if mega busy then I would do it and explain why. They need to build confidence and resilience but understand that others are important too.

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