to be annoyed by these 'learning by experiences parents'

[grumpydotcom]

Name changed for safety.

Feeling thoroughly pissed off with the 'perfect' parents I've crossed paths with today .

First encounter. I'm cycling to work this morning and need to get a move on. Come to the cattle grid type thing on the cycle path and child on bike is blocking the crossing. Parent has already crossed and is patiently encouraging the child to follow. Child is having non of it .Parent is aware of queue behind but Freddie's 'learning experience' and need for Freddie to make the crossing on his own in his own time (for as long as that may take ) is more important , at the expense of others , no sense of urgency or consideration for queue behind which is building up.

Second encounter lunch time in Greggs queuing for a sandwich . Queue is massive and does not seem to be going down. Reason - parent with small child at the front and child wants to pay . Parent patiently explaining to child about contactless and how that works, and then child drops the card and everyone waits while child is encouraged by parent to find and pick up the card (under the counter ). Parent laughs ' never mind Freddie you try it again ,you can do it' and turns and smiles at the queuers as if we should all be impressed. Staff at Greggs look around awkwardly .

FFS pick up the child and the bike and remove them from the cycle path so others can pass!!!!!

Take the card off the child and pay for the sandwich without delay and get out of the way!!!!!

Thank you

YANBU. The child is learning to be self-centered and inconsiderate. Given the current PM and generally horrific standards in public life, maybe the values of independence and putting oneself first are championed a tad too much, when living peaceably with others could be a bit higher on the agenda in private and public life.

Would you have this attitude towards an elderly person on a mobility scooter or Zimmer frame ? Or a disabled person ? Would you act so impatiently too ? Yes it's annoying (it's probably VERY frustrating for the parents even more so!). Yes there's definitely a time and place and perhaps the long queue at Gregg's isn't the right place (maybe a self checkout till instead where no one is waiting behind). But just remember, everyone - and yes that includes young children/toddlers/Freddie on his fucking bike - deserves respect.

The elderly or disabled person cannot help how long it takes them to do something. The parents can absolutely help that they're doing nothing to help the child.

That's in your shop, not retail in general.
The poster who thinks that she will lose her job if the child taps the parent's card and there's alcohol is also incorrect.

Wait, so in one sentence you acknowledge that shops have individual policies and then in the next you say I'm incorrect about the policies in the shop where I worked?

I struggle to believe these experiences took as long or were as dramatic as you make out

I guess you had to be there 😖

P.S I wasn't mad at little Freddie btw just the parents I thought were BU.

Also elderly, disabled, mobility scooter is different as previous poster commented they no choice.

Self checkout with toddler taking the lead is a good idea as there are multiple so less impact on other shoppers.

I’d have added to the child’s learning experience by telling him to stop getting in the way of people who are trying to get to work, and have cheerfully told the mum I was glad I’d been able to contribute to his “learning from experience “ experience by showing him that some people need to not be held up because he’s not doing as he’s told!

Ffs children have been stuck in doors with bloody home schooling for two years let them learn to cycle or use the machine

Children were not, generally, homeschooled for 2 years, nor where they stick inside for that long either.

Children could quite easily have been learning to cycle even during the lockdowns as exercise and being outdoors was pretty much always allowed, unless positive themselves. Indeed many if the children I teach did learn to cycle, and much more, during that time - it was a regular type of post in our school's learning platform with the infant school age children.

Unless a child was incredibly vulnerable then no, they haven't had two years of staying indoors off school.

Ponoka7 we don’t sell alcohol but have many other age related products & can only sell to whatever age pops up on the till screen. So an underage child wouldn’t be allowed to do the contactless in that scenario.

Big talking the imaginary conversation you'd have with people not behaving as you'd like is such a uniquely Mumsnet thing.

And they would all applaud around the cattle grid so as I commanded Freddie to move whilst his mother sobbed, chastened, a changed woman.

Totally agree with this.

Kids can learn about money & spending by role playing at home with parents, not by holding up the queue in public.

The elderly or disabled person cannot help how long it takes them to do something.

All my elderly relatives insist on paying cash & counting out change rather than breaking notes, they are quite capable of tapping a card just prefer cash.

There's a time and a place.

Empty shop and no queue, fine.

Empty pavement/road/path, fine.

Holding up a queue or stopping people passing through? Nope. Absolute self absorbed selfish bellends.

Empty shop and no queue, fine

Empty pavement/road/path, fine

Some of us live in inner London, the above doesn't really happen unless it's Christmas when the non Londoners tend to head home. It's so peaceful & parking is a dream for a few days, bliss!

Slightly off topic but working in retail you do get to learn that a huge amount of people do not have what I would call a common sense approach to parenting.

For example - involve the child by all means but limit the choices.

I see so many parents saying "what shall we buy for granny?" The child points at something, the parent says no darling, not that, the kid points at something else, is told no again, goes into meltdown, won't be placated, has to be calmed and/or removed from shop.

Most effective way of doing this that I can see is to offer a choice of two, allow the kid to pick and then go through with the fucking purchase. Only offer a choice of two things you are ultimately happy with. You have total control and the child is happy that he/she has made an independent choice.

It is absolutely not necessary for children to be paying by contactless. Generations of people who grew up without it picked up the concept in seconds as adults. It's not 'learning', it's actually treating money as if it's fun and a 'game' which I would worry means that making the link between work/earning/responsibility much more tenuous.

Yes I am fun at parties.

It's interesting to hear from posters who work in retail from their perspective. How do you keep your customer service smile on in these situations ?

I'm quite old too, 53, was raised in the 70s/80s and brought my DC up in the 90s/00s, and am often struck by this too.
I don't advocate a return to 70s parenting when generally I think children were insufficiently considered, and lots of common parenting practices were simply wrong, but I do think its swung too far in the other direction of late, if MN is a barometer at least.
I think a lot of it started with my generation of parents. Keen not to replicate the often draconian parenting we experienced ourselves, we adopted more child centres approaches, and I think its spiralled from there.

I've perfected my dead eye which I sometimes stare at the child with, completely unsmiling. It often settles children who are playing up as it makes them a little self conscious. That or a well placed " Don't touch that, sweetie!" which can work wonders in reigning children in. It makes some parents bristle, but fuck 'em, frankly. I don't want a load of my delicate stock ( flowers) pulled apart by little fingers while parents smile on indulgently.

@LadyOfTheCanyon - completely agree

I've had the parents do more than bristle when I've had to say (in my most child friendly voice) to not run in the shop, not climb on things, not open boxes, not leave stock all over the floor. I really don't mind if you let your child have a little play with our toys while choosing, I DO mind when half the toys are all over the floor, unopened items are opened and items with multiple parts end up with bits missing and have to be binned. Our toy section is not a babysitter! I'm not allowed to say those things though.

You've got a point about consideration for others, but I often find that those who bleat on demanding consideration don't tend to show it to others. For example, many cyclists round here will hold up huge queues of traffic for ages or ring their bells angrily at tiny children to move over on footpaths and then get cross that an 18 month old toddling along doesn't understand to jump out of their way. So consideration goes both ways, and cyclists ime are both victims and perpetrators of a lack of consideration.

I do also find that people are particularly intolerant towards children. My DC has been able to help with the shopping from around age 2, when he would stand next to our buggy and put things in the basket underneath. That was actually faster than me doing it as he didn't need to bend down and I could just pass him things (and also kept him occupied and not running off!). Now he scans the shopping through while I pack it and he's actually faster than me at doing it. And yet we still get cross looks from some people. Not all children are incapable and should be chivvied out the way to let adults get on with it. If properly trained, children can make themselves useful from a young age rather than being sidelined.

If you use cash, you can't keep breaking notes. You would end up with piles and piles of coins. You have to use these sometimes.
Paying by cash really doesn't take much longer than by card. And in my grand case it takes longer by card.

I agree with this. The idea of thinking of others seems to be slowly disappearing.

Indulgent totally absorbed parenting doesn’t produce independence it’s produces indulgent self absorbed children who most likely won’t grow out of it

learning can be done in many different ways and you adapt to the time and place - that is how life is

It's space. Out there in public. You're the sort to tut at older people who struggle to retrieve a card, children learning something new and anyone who doesn't move at YOUR speed. If you don't like being around other people the off you fuck to your own space. It's a normal day to day experience to accommodate others. Grow up.

Agree with you. All for learning experiences but not at the inconvenience of others