Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed by these 'learning by experiences parents'

182 replies

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 21:07

Name changed for safety.

Feeling thoroughly pissed off with the 'perfect' parents I've crossed paths with today .

First encounter. I'm cycling to work this morning and need to get a move on. Come to the cattle grid type thing on the cycle path and child on bike is blocking the crossing. Parent has already crossed and is patiently encouraging the child to follow. Child is having non of it .Parent is aware of queue behind but Freddie's 'learning experience' and need for Freddie to make the crossing on his own in his own time (for as long as that may take ) is more important , at the expense of others , no sense of urgency or consideration for queue behind which is building up.

Second encounter lunch time in Greggs queuing for a sandwich . Queue is massive and does not seem to be going down. Reason - parent with small child at the front and child wants to pay . Parent patiently explaining to child about contactless and how that works, and then child drops the card and everyone waits while child is encouraged by parent to find and pick up the card (under the counter ). Parent laughs ' never mind Freddie you try it again ,you can do it' and turns and smiles at the queuers as if we should all be impressed. Staff at Greggs look around awkwardly .

FFS pick up the child and the bike and remove them from the cycle path so others can pass!!!!!

Take the card off the child and pay for the sandwich without delay and get out of the way!!!!!

Thank you

OP posts:
antelopevalley · 10/06/2022 23:16

@Loopyloopy I think it is the total opposite. Kids come first and anyone objecting is seen as anti kids.

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 23:19

@Loopyloopy I'm not sure but it seemed like ages. I wasn't at the front but I could see the child had the purse. So presumably they were going from the beginning i.e get the purse out, try to extract the card from the card holder slot in the purse, inspect the card from all angles, drop the card on the floor and loose it under the counter , rinse and repeat . But not to worry the rest of us have got all the time in the world at 1pm in Greggs on Friday 😂

OP posts:
goldfinchonthelawn · 10/06/2022 23:20

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 10/06/2022 21:39

I couldn't agree more with you OP, in fact I've just been talking to a friend discussing what changed in history that we've got to the point where kids are made to feel they're more important than adults. I know I'm ancient, but when I was little there was an expression, 'little kids should be seen and not heard', and quite honestly, although it very often led to boredom while the adults talked, we knew better than to kick off and embarrass our parents. Now though, little Johny on his bike gets to rule the roost, how DID this come about? Not wanting to hi-jack your post, but I'd love to know other's thoughts on this.

I wonder if it's because a lot of people are having children later. So they have achieved a lot of self fulfilment in life through career, travel, experiences etc already and have the patience. Being a parent is the next big thing to devote their whole attention to, rather than something that just happens while you muddle through your twenties. I am pretty sure I was awful in the way OP just described. Never intentionally, but I really did think the sun shone out of DC's backsides and that the world would too. On reflection, that was not the best parenting!

FuncaMunca · 10/06/2022 23:21

It's hardly something to get worked up about and your resentment about it makes you sound really miserable. I spend a lot of time patiently waiting behind slow, fumbling adults at the checkout and other places. It's called living in society...

Tigofigo · 10/06/2022 23:24

Conflicted by this.

One one hand, I understand why you'd feel frustrated if you're in a rush and I've felt the same in the past.

On the other, I feel like we live in a very rushed, fast paced society and it would be a better and happier place if we all slowed down to a child's pace and lived more in the present.

Children are rushed along against their will so often (well mine are anyway 😂) that it's nice for adults to meet their pace sometimes instead. I also think a slower paced world might suit a lot of differently wired people of all ages.

BorisJohnsonatemyhampster · 10/06/2022 23:24

Hallelujah OP. There is a time and a place for teaching kids shit and it’s not at the front of a queue of people on their way to work or lunch. It’s indulgent performative parenting.

I actually remember an episode of Sex in the City featuring this topic. I think some parent was teaching their kid how to use a lift and it made Carry late for something which had a knock on effect and fucked her day.

Stinkywizzleteets · 10/06/2022 23:27

I’m an impatient person but I have a lot more tolerance for kids learning stuff than I do for moany old entitled grumps who think everyone’s time is less important than theirs.

Theres an irony in calling parents teaching kids life skills they’ll use for the rest of their lives entitled while complaining it’s stopping you from doing whatever it is you want to do that day quick enough. What makes you so special OP that your need to rush is more important than their need to do whatever they’re doing?

Stop and appreciate the scenery, smell a flower (or sausage roll) and get embrace a life of tolerance and kindness.

Blueshimmer · 10/06/2022 23:27

YouCouldBeAnAirHostessInThe60s · 10/06/2022 23:14

How is it performance parenting? When/where/how else are you supposed to teach them stuff?

Well, when they’re old enough to actually have their own credit card I reckon they’ll have picked it up by watching you. Or at least won’t need a laborious explanation and will have the dexterity to use the card without dropping it. It’s hardly a life skill a toddler needs to master, it’s a parent who thinks it’s cute/entertains the kid. Fine if the shop is quiet and no one minds but inappropriate to get in everyone else’s way to indulge your child. It’s not like a learner driver - the only way to learn to drive is on a road whereas no small child needs to operate a credit card. Buy them a toy till if you want them to play shopping.

antelopevalley · 10/06/2022 23:27

@Tigofigo I agree with you in terms of parents. But strangers do not have to slow down for the benefit of children.
And as someone said a toddler does not need to know how to use a contactless card.

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 23:28

@FuncaMunca that's a really good point which has made me think. I've often been behind elderly people at the check out or ATM and it does not bother me whatsoever . So what is it about he parents and children I've encountered today ?

OP posts:
greenerfingers · 10/06/2022 23:28

Tigofigo · 10/06/2022 23:24

Conflicted by this.

One one hand, I understand why you'd feel frustrated if you're in a rush and I've felt the same in the past.

On the other, I feel like we live in a very rushed, fast paced society and it would be a better and happier place if we all slowed down to a child's pace and lived more in the present.

Children are rushed along against their will so often (well mine are anyway 😂) that it's nice for adults to meet their pace sometimes instead. I also think a slower paced world might suit a lot of differently wired people of all ages.

Well said. My thoughts exactly. OP you sound very rushed/impatient but like PP said it is a fast paced world we live in. Sometimes it's nice to just take a break and slow down. At the same time I think the till example shows poor thought on the part of the parent. Children should be taught social awareness and know time and place (especially if it's people's lunch hours). As for the cattle grid hmm.. not sure what I'd do in that situation.

Iamconfuzzled · 10/06/2022 23:30

It's alarming the amount of people on Mumsnet who talk about children as if they are subhuman.

I love to see my little one learn through experiences, children deserve just as much space as anyone else in the world to learn and figure things out. It's just a bit of a bonus if this pisses off a few dinosaurs in a queue.

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 23:30

Thank you @Stinkywizzleteets I will take that on board 🙂

OP posts:
YouCouldBeAnAirHostessInThe60s · 10/06/2022 23:30

And yet you’d be annihilated on here for suggesting that the elderly refrain from doing their shopping at lunchtime. Or using public transport at 8.30am.

MajorCarolDanvers · 10/06/2022 23:31

Patience is a virtue.

Children need to learn. Learning by experience is the most effective way.

MajorCarolDanvers · 10/06/2022 23:33

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 22:50

@WindyKnickers I would not dream of complaining if it's a leaner driver or a new employee somewhere, absolutely the opposite. I would be mortified if anyone I was with moaned in that situation. But I have different feelings when it come to the parents and kids today , Can't put my finger on it .

Is it the necessity and timing combination?

So it's children and young people that you have a problem with.

gillyff · 10/06/2022 23:33

there's a time and place for children to learn new skills and confidence building, and its not on my way to work or lunch break

When is the time?

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 23:37

@Iamconfuzzled you would have loved it then to see some of the expressions on faces.

Contemplating paying for their sandwich to get them out of there.
Only joking !
Anyway that's me off to bed now so thank you everyone for the chat 🤗

OP posts:
ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 10/06/2022 23:38

I'm torn. I can't stand these indulgent parents but it is wonderful to hear a cyclist moaning that somone slower wouldn't move aside to let them make progress...

gillyff · 10/06/2022 23:38

it’s not like cyclists give a fuck about holding people up.

True dat!

slashlover · 10/06/2022 23:38

Tigofigo · 10/06/2022 23:24

Conflicted by this.

One one hand, I understand why you'd feel frustrated if you're in a rush and I've felt the same in the past.

On the other, I feel like we live in a very rushed, fast paced society and it would be a better and happier place if we all slowed down to a child's pace and lived more in the present.

Children are rushed along against their will so often (well mine are anyway 😂) that it's nice for adults to meet their pace sometimes instead. I also think a slower paced world might suit a lot of differently wired people of all ages.

Can you please phone my work then and tell them I'll be late back from lunch because a kid was learning a valuable life skill of how to use a bank card? Or that the shop assistant's scan through rate dropped because the child had to get the money from their purse and then s l o w l y place each coin on the counter one at a time.

GoodnightRain · 10/06/2022 23:39

@grumpydotcom free sandwiches could be another perk 🤣

gillyff · 10/06/2022 23:40

YANBU, I've been the shop assistant in that situation, seeing the frustrated queue build up

How is it any different to the person who can't decide what they want to order, or don't already have their card out, or pack their shopping at a sloths pace?

gillyff · 10/06/2022 23:42

Kids come first and anyone objecting is seen as anti kids.

Err compared to many other countries we are not child centric at all.

gillyff · 10/06/2022 23:44

But not to worry the rest of us have got all the time in the world at 1pm in Greggs on Friday

You think your time is more valuable than the parent & the parent thinks otherwise. 🤷🏻‍♀️