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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be annoyed by these 'learning by experiences parents'

182 replies

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 21:07

Name changed for safety.

Feeling thoroughly pissed off with the 'perfect' parents I've crossed paths with today .

First encounter. I'm cycling to work this morning and need to get a move on. Come to the cattle grid type thing on the cycle path and child on bike is blocking the crossing. Parent has already crossed and is patiently encouraging the child to follow. Child is having non of it .Parent is aware of queue behind but Freddie's 'learning experience' and need for Freddie to make the crossing on his own in his own time (for as long as that may take ) is more important , at the expense of others , no sense of urgency or consideration for queue behind which is building up.

Second encounter lunch time in Greggs queuing for a sandwich . Queue is massive and does not seem to be going down. Reason - parent with small child at the front and child wants to pay . Parent patiently explaining to child about contactless and how that works, and then child drops the card and everyone waits while child is encouraged by parent to find and pick up the card (under the counter ). Parent laughs ' never mind Freddie you try it again ,you can do it' and turns and smiles at the queuers as if we should all be impressed. Staff at Greggs look around awkwardly .

FFS pick up the child and the bike and remove them from the cycle path so others can pass!!!!!

Take the card off the child and pay for the sandwich without delay and get out of the way!!!!!

Thank you

OP posts:
grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 22:37

@TwentyOneTwentyTwo touché 😂

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 10/06/2022 22:37

I understand your point and I have brought my DC to be considerate but I think sometimes I have perhaps taken it to far and they never put their needs first. It is a badge of pride where I live to have DC that are like this. I don't have a problem with it myself as I also have tried to encourage tolerance and patience. I'm on the fence on this.

WindyKnickers · 10/06/2022 22:40

People (including children) have to learn by experience. Nothing frustrates me more than pathetic incompetence. Obviously there's a time a place but overall I'm happy to slow my day down a bit so a learner driver doesn't get flustered or the new employee in the cafe can work the till or the coffee machine. Patience is a virtue after all!

Goldenbear · 10/06/2022 22:42

Too not to. My eldest is 15 and tends to be less accommodating than me and will often ask why I feel the need to step in the road for a jogger or a dog walker with extendable lead taking up the width of the pavement, or moving quickly out of the way of someone in a shopping aisle if they are looking in the same area as me. I think it is often down to personality rather than upbringing. My DH is like my eldest and doesn't fall over himself to put strangers first.

LivingstonDaisies · 10/06/2022 22:47

Labpictures · 10/06/2022 21:45

This. Ffs children have been stuck in doors with bloody home schooling for two years let them learn to cycle or use the machine

Not this old chestnut again! No.They.Haven’t. Parents could take their children out. If they chose not to that was their issue.

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 22:50

@WindyKnickers I would not dream of complaining if it's a leaner driver or a new employee somewhere, absolutely the opposite. I would be mortified if anyone I was with moaned in that situation. But I have different feelings when it come to the parents and kids today , Can't put my finger on it .

Is it the necessity and timing combination?

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 10/06/2022 22:51

Toddlers don’t need to know how to use contactless cards 🙄

There’s a time and place for “learn through experience” parenting and it is not when there are queues.

Those saying YABU - You think your child is being adorable, most other people want to get on with their day and just want you to have some social awareness. Maybe teach that to your children?

Somethingsnappy · 10/06/2022 22:52

I'm trying to picture a queue building up behind a cattle grid, and just can't (misses point of thread)....

Happyplace88 · 10/06/2022 22:53

Yanbu. Can’t abide this. Performative parenting at its worst. Fuck off.

FlissyPaps · 10/06/2022 22:54

YABU.

Not everyone is in a rush OP. I’m sure the parents of these children were aware they were inconveniencing you.

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 22:54

For info the kid could ride the bike fine but was afraid to go over the cattle grid. And rightly so, I've seen many a twisted ankle or injury to cyclists falling off at this point

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 10/06/2022 22:54

FlissyPaps · 10/06/2022 22:54

YABU.

Not everyone is in a rush OP. I’m sure the parents of these children were aware they were inconveniencing you.

were not aware that should say.

YouCouldBeAnAirHostessInThe60s · 10/06/2022 22:58

Sometimes I let my 4 year old do the contactless. The alternative is an uber-tantrum and her being bodily carried from the shop. I feel like letting her quickly tap the card is the lesser of two evils. It’s just not a battle worth fighting.

it’s fun being me.

YouCouldBeAnAirHostessInThe60s · 10/06/2022 22:59

Anyway. As above, it’s not like cyclists give a fuck about holding people up.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 10/06/2022 23:01

This. Ffs children have been stuck in doors with bloody home schooling for two years let them learn to cycle or use the machine

Lockdown was the perfect time for kids to learn to ride a bike. We were always allowed out daily for exercise. No cars on the road and fuck all else to do.

WindyKnickers · 10/06/2022 23:06

I can't believe some people are still trying to crowbar bloody lockdown into every conversation. Not relevant at all.

SzechuanSally · 10/06/2022 23:07

I agree with you. I have a toddler and we are very much at the stage where absolutely everything is exciting and an opportunity to learn.
I am conscious of the fact that this is not the only thing happening in the world however and so when needed, just get on with stuff but then find other moments to slow down and just let him explore and learn.
It's not about putting strangers needs above his, it's about showing consideration for others when needed.

slashlover · 10/06/2022 23:07

YANBU, I've been the shop assistant in that situation, seeing the frustrated queue build up but knowing if I say something to the parent then they'll huff. See also - not allowing their kid to tap if there is alcohol/cigs/lottery in the sale. Waits to be called a jobsworth despite the possibility of losing my job if there is a mystery shopper in the store.

grumpydotcom · 10/06/2022 23:08

YouCouldBeAnAirHostessInThe60s · 10/06/2022 22:59

Anyway. As above, it’s not like cyclists give a fuck about holding people up.

Maybe this is Karma @YouCouldBeAnAirHostessInThe60s

OP posts:
antelopevalley · 10/06/2022 23:08

Teaching children how to do things is good, but there is a time and a place.

antelopevalley · 10/06/2022 23:10

@flis yes some people put themselves first and seem unaware of the issues they cause to others.

Loopyloopy · 10/06/2022 23:12

I don't know. I think that there is a "kids must be out of the way" attitude these days, and kids aren't allowed independence, which is bad for their long term mental health. The card thing makes me think that perhaps you were being unreasonable - how long can that really actually take?

Ducksinthebath · 10/06/2022 23:13

I’m all for learning by experience…when the child isn’t getting in the way with their twatty performance parent.

I’ve seen it happen at 8am on a work day on the stairs at Baker Street Station. Parent and child were lucky not to be punted into next week.

YouCouldBeAnAirHostessInThe60s · 10/06/2022 23:14

How is it performance parenting? When/where/how else are you supposed to teach them stuff?

Pythonesque · 10/06/2022 23:15

Somethingsnappy · 10/06/2022 22:52

I'm trying to picture a queue building up behind a cattle grid, and just can't (misses point of thread)....

Oh I can absolutely imagine this near me. We have a wonderful path locally across water meadows, cattle grids either end, great for walking, running and cycling, quite the short-cut for many. It's actually a busy commuter cycle route and at peak times "waiting a minute or two" would absolutely lead to a substantial queue of cyclists building up in both directions. On sunny weekend afternoons it also gets busy but people might be more sympathetic to a young cyclist getting their nerve up to cross the grid as few are likely to have a deadline. Though even then there would be a point when you'd wish they'd just use the gates next to it instead ....

(Ponders how likely the OP might be to live near here too)

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