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Original poster

Is 38 too old to start trying for first baby

154 replies

Lagertha6 · 10/06/2022 20:09

I have been with my DP for 7 years and lived together for 2. We both turn 38 in Jan and have been talking about trying for a baby for about 18 months.

I keep putting it off but with my age factored in I'm beginning to panic that I will have left it too late to have a baby. It would be our first and only one.

I'm worrying as my sister, maternal aunt and cousin on my mums side all had problems conceiving. My sister had IVF which worked, my aunt had first child naturally but couldn't have a 2nd baby via IVF and my cousin also had failed IVF.

will this be a case of repeating history? We are going the states in Jan so agreed to start trying when we get back.

I do want a baby but would be fine if it took a year to have a child as I love my freedom and no responsibility.

Do I start trying in Jan or wait longer?

OP posts:
EatYourVegetables · 10/06/2022 20:13

If you want it, start now.

SQLserved · 10/06/2022 20:14

At 38, if you want children, I would recommend getting a fertility MOT asap and making a decision based on the results.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/06/2022 20:15

I'm sorry to be blunt, but youc3 been together 7 years. You're 38. If you wait any longer I think you need to accept that you don't actually want this. Which is completely fine.

No one can answer if you're going to have fertility issues or not.

GreatCrash · 10/06/2022 20:15

I'd start now OP. At 38 I wouldn't put it off for the sake of a holiday!

CHiSOCG · 10/06/2022 20:16

What you waiting for?!

Horaciochops · 10/06/2022 20:17

I got pregnant second month of trying age 38 but I wouldn't take my case as the norm.

Madeintowerhamlets · 10/06/2022 20:17

I hate to say it OP but if you love your freedom & no responsibility then this might not be the right path for you!

BattenburgDonkey · 10/06/2022 20:19

Are you sure you want a baby? It’s totally ok to not want one! But you are 38, planning to wait until January when you will be 39, then aren’t bothered if it takes a year, when you already no that women on your side have struggled to conceive… I think you are either being rather unrealistic here, or you don’t particularly want a baby. If you actually want one I’d just get on with it now.

MassiveSalad22 · 10/06/2022 20:19

Well you’re as young as you’ll ever be again so from an age perspective it’s the best time!

Mumdiva99 · 10/06/2022 20:19

If you want a baby I'd start now. It may take a while and you will get your extra year. Or it might not. But as you have been with your partner a while and are getting older I would start ASAP.

Summersdreaming · 10/06/2022 20:19

Do you really, really want a child? It's absolutely fine to not have kids. I don't think people say that enough, the default position is to want them so it's hard to give yourself permission not to.

MadMadMadamMim · 10/06/2022 20:20

I think if you definitely want a baby then you need to start trying for one.

It's entirely your choice, and obviously if you are ambivalent about having children (as you sound, with the procrastination) then that is fine.

But you are kidding yourself if you think you can keep putting things off and be confident that you will still conceive.

AliceW89 · 10/06/2022 20:21

SQLserved · 10/06/2022 20:14

At 38, if you want children, I would recommend getting a fertility MOT asap and making a decision based on the results.

I wouldn’t do this. A fertility assessment that doesn’t find any problems does not necessarily equate to good fertility. The majority of infertility is unexplained after all. If you want a baby I think you should crack on.

GruffalosToes · 10/06/2022 20:21

I did exactly that at 38, but we paid for fertility assessments so that we would know where we stood before we started trying. That way once I was ready to begin trying we wouldn't waste months not realising there was an underlying issue. I also got myself match fit for 6 months before TTC by eating the "fertility diet" type foods and exercising a lot, taking ubiquinol, as well as taking conception vitamins & folic acid. Also got really up to speed with my cycle & ovulation. (Recommended read: It Starts with the Egg).

In the event we conceived exactly when planned and straight away. I was lucky but I know others who were not. It's shit when you enjoy your freedom, knowing you're giving it up ... but if you know 100% in the long term you'd like a family and that you'd be sad not to have had a family with your partner then you should get yourself match ready.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2022 20:21

You need to start now, definitely not wait until January. That's madness.

Nein9 · 10/06/2022 20:21

I personally wouldn't start at 38, but it you want to, go for it. Nothing wrong with it. And as others have said, don't put it off any longer if it's what you want.

GruffalosToes · 10/06/2022 20:24

Nein9 · 10/06/2022 20:21

I personally wouldn't start at 38, but it you want to, go for it. Nothing wrong with it. And as others have said, don't put it off any longer if it's what you want.

People who say this only say it because they were fortunate enough to have had the opportunity to start a family at a younger age. Many of us didn't meet our partners till later in life and therefore 38 was the best age! Do what works for you and your partner.

bellamountain · 10/06/2022 20:24

Think about if you really really want a baby and if you do, factor in at some point down the line you might even want another baby / sibling. I wouldn't waste anymore time if you are serious, I had several miscarriages before I had my second child at 37. With hindsight, I should have had children that bit earlier.

Glendaruel · 10/06/2022 20:24

I became pregnant with my first at 41, so it's possible. But I did have two miscarriages when I was younger. Miscarriage is a lot more common than people realise. If you want it then I would recommend not hanging around.

Lucia23 · 10/06/2022 20:26

My aunt didn't start trying until a similar age. She couldn't have them in the end.

She had been with her partner since 26 so I so question why not sooner.

DashboardConfessional · 10/06/2022 20:26

It took DH and me 14 months at 32 and 33, and neither of us had any fertility issues. You might regret the June to Jan timespan later.

That said if you are "putting it off" in those words - do you really want one?

Mamai90 · 10/06/2022 20:28

Horaciochops · 10/06/2022 20:17

I got pregnant second month of trying age 38 but I wouldn't take my case as the norm.

Same here. I was a few weeks off my 39th birthday and it was my first baby.

I've just turned 40 and trying for a second, this will be my third month trying. Naively, even though I'm 40 I thought/hoped it might happen the first or second month because I have a 7 month old so it's not long since I've been pregnant. But, alas, here I am on month number 3.

Definitely don't hold off any longer, every month counts at age 38. Same as age 40, I have a big holiday, a hen in Spain and I'm doing bridesmaid within the next 9 months but I'm not holding off trying for any of these, I'm realistic enough to know that there's no time to be wasted!

BattenburgDonkey · 10/06/2022 20:29

GruffalosToes · 10/06/2022 20:24

People who say this only say it because they were fortunate enough to have had the opportunity to start a family at a younger age. Many of us didn't meet our partners till later in life and therefore 38 was the best age! Do what works for you and your partner.

Show quote history

This poster was talking to the OP though, who has been with her partner for 7 years and is planning to continue putting it off until at least January, so it’s not lack of opportunity, it’s not like they were making a dig at you.

Ruffelo · 10/06/2022 20:29

(Seemingly) not talking about it from ages 30-35ish, then talking about it for a year and half and now putting it off until maybe January, maybe longer says to me you don't really want a baby, which is fair enough. They do completely change your life. The lack of action on trying for so long says a lot.

Yummymummy2020 · 10/06/2022 20:32

I wouldn’t wait. Fertility is so unpredictable. I wish we started a lot sooner. I think your family history would put me off waiting even more!