Is 38 too old to start trying for first baby

[Lagertha6]

I have been with my DP for 7 years and lived together for 2. We both turn 38 in Jan and have been talking about trying for a baby for about 18 months.

I keep putting it off but with my age factored in I'm beginning to panic that I will have left it too late to have a baby. It would be our first and only one.

I'm worrying as my sister, maternal aunt and cousin on my mums side all had problems conceiving. My sister had IVF which worked, my aunt had first child naturally but couldn't have a 2nd baby via IVF and my cousin also had failed IVF.

will this be a case of repeating history? We are going the states in Jan so agreed to start trying when we get back.

I do want a baby but would be fine if it took a year to have a child as I love my freedom and no responsibility.

Do I start trying in Jan or wait longer?

I had my amazing daughter at 38, took a year

Start now. My siblings started at your age and had 10 years of fertility problems both desperate for kids. Eventually had some very late 40's which is not ideal.

Tried at 38 and pregnant on the third month. My lovely son was an enormous source of joy to me and I really wanted a second. Trying at 40 was not to be and remains an enormous source of sadness to me and trying for a second inflicted significant damage on my relationship. This is my experience. We all make our own choices and live with the consequences. I am hugely grateful for my son. Wishing you luck.

I would start trying now op, if you are 100% sure you would like a child.

You need to start trying now for a baby as you never know long it will take.

it took me 6 month to concieve DD at 36 (but I traveled a lot for my role so wasn’t often wasn’t within 100 miles of my husband when ovulating) and I had her at 37.

I conceived DS on my first go at 39 and had him at 40.

Whilst everything was straightforward for me I have two close friends who started trying before me but are still childless.

I got pregnant with my first on the first month of trying at 41. Pregnant with second unintentionally at 42 after 1 night together in 4 months. I would say we are very much the exception to the rule though.

Sorry all. I'm currently 37, 38 in Jan. My mums terminally ill and we bought our first home 2 years ago so we've been renovating it and money has been tight. Just not the right time.

I've also had really bad mental health for several years so I wanted to ensure I was more stable before having a baby.

I will be honest I do want one. I just worry about what my mental health will be like.

Not only that but I battle suicidal feelings and sometimes the only thing keeping me from not doing it, is my mum and how it would affect her.

Thanks very much. Reading that calmed my anxiety x

You won't know until you start - probably your greatest barrier is worrying you're too old.

Good Old Fucking is the Best Way to Make Babies.

I had no problems conceiving at 32, but huge problems at 38-39. After a lot of difficulty I did have my second child. So my advice to you is if you want a child- id start yesterday!

We started trying when I was 39. Got my first BFP the day before my 40th birthday (two months later). MC at 8 weeks. Next BFP 3 months (2 cycles) later. MMC found at 13 weeks. Took a few months off trying. BFP after 3 cycles, DD born when I was 41.5

Best thing I ever did, although I could do with some sleep and do wish I'd met DH 5 years earlier.

These threads always end up just being people telling you how old they were when they had babies which is massively irrelevant to your Q as fertility is completely individual, but your family history suggests you may have challenges.

No 38 isn’t “too” late, but statistically speaking it is late.

GPs won’t refer you for tests until you’ve been unsuccessful for a year. Then you’ll be given things like scans (but there will be waiting lists)/blood tests (which need the scans to have meaning)/clomid (progesterone - just an example). Your partner will also be referred so there’s that waiting time.

Most places only offer one round of IVF and you need to be under 40 (sometimes younger), otherwise you’ll have to pay.

So - IF you have fertility issues - by the time you’ve had those investigated and the solutions explored/failed you may be too late for IVF, which has horrifyingly low success rates over 40. By 43 it’s basically burning money (yes, yes I’m sure someone has their miracle baby, which could be you, but who knows).

Supplements aren’t just got “desperate women” (dickish comment there) there’s a FUCKTONNE of research into improving egg quality. Read “it starts with the egg” where the author has helpfully collated evidence.

But, in short, if you want a baby, start now. Best case: you immediately get pregnant. Worst case: you do t for a year.

Good luck. X

I had my first at 35 so a bit younger than you but I must say you are absolutely doing the right thing ensuring your mental health is stable. I suffered for many years and finally found my peace at around 34. Yet I'd wanted children from a young age, luckily hadn't found the right man and wasn't stupid either 🤣, but I really feel I had my baby at the right age - I was mentally ready and I tell you what...... I feel younger at 36 than I did at 26 🙌🏻

Aw so glad you have your little girl. I know it sounds so silly but the past 4 years have been really hard for several reasons (inc my mum being in hear failure) and we have worked so hard on the house.

I just wanted us to have one last amazing holiday and make some memories with my DP before we embark on potentially another hard journey.

Side note: toxic positivity is not useful in conversations about fertility when a person really wants a child. Lots of women successfully have children well into their forties, that’s undeniable. But dive into any of the TTC over 40 threads to see how much harder it is. Or look at IVF success rates over 40 (make sure you look at “live births” vs “pregnancies” too, grim reading).

There is so much money made by fertility clinics and if you follow the money you’ll always find the motivation behind the message.

I can understand wanting the holiday but try and look long term.

If you fail to conceive after it, would you forever kick yourself and be eaten by the what ifs'?

And would that be more detrimental to your mental health?

Personally, I think once you've considered it to the extent you've started a thread on Mumsnet, this is something you want but are understandably worried.

If it were me, I'd start now. You can have a holiday pregnant. In fact that would be very special.

I wouldn't delay because I am a person that dwells and so if it didn't work, I'd struggle to cope with that knowledge. Of course you could have started at any point but at all those other stages, you were presumably unaware of your feelings. Once you have decided you want to try for a family, it's not something that can easily be put back in the bottle, especially when hormones are at play.

At the very least stop talking the pill if you do now. It can take many months to leave your system

We started trying when I was 39 and together 6 years. First BFP took 5 months (2nd month of using ovulation tests so wasted some time there).
MC at 11 weeks . BFP again 2nd time of trying once we felt ready. MC again at 12 weeks. Referred to a MC clinic for tests, we were advised to avoid getting pregnant til initial baseline tests were done, then fell pregnant literally the next day after the clinic appt. DD born when I was 2 weeks off turning 42.

I don’t regret waiting til I felt ready and that we had lived , travelled, and achieved what we wanted. I may have avoided the MC grief etc but we were financially stable , emotionally ready and I don’t feel I would have had all that much extra energy 5/10 years ago!

The only negative is DC is likely to be an only child, if you think you would like more, give yourself as much time as possible

You will have read up on all fertility stats and will absolutely know that your ability, as a couple, to have a child is nose-diving month by month.

Either it’s a priory for you, or it’s not, only you can decide. But you don’t sound much like you’re ready for a child to me:

America will always be there. Your fertility will not.

I’m 34, nearly 35 and am 6 months in and no luck. You just never know. I wish I’d started earlier.

If you want a baby, start now. I started ttc at 34, had DS at 37, needed ivf and had miscarriages. You might be fine but I wouldn't put it off any longer.

I started age 37, 2 years ago. Ten losses, three rounds of IVF later I don’t yet have
a baby. It’s hard to even get 1-2 embryos from 12-13 eggs. Start now if you want one. My consultant told me every month counts at this age. Your eggs decline month by month.

oh and I have high AMH for my age and a high follicle count, it’s just age/egg quality…

I started trying at 37 after a year of marriage. It took 10 months to conceive and I had my first at 38.5. Second baby came along unexpectedly and was born the day before my 40th birthday. I had friends harassing me to start trying from the minute we got engaged but I wanted to be sure we were ready. Obviously it all worked out for me so I have no regrets. But I have friends who were in menopause by 40-ish so there are no guarantees. You need to be confident you can live with the outcome either way.

You can still go to America after you've had kids. It'll be different but you'll still be able to travel. Don't think of having children as an end to freedom. In a way, they can open up a whole new world for you.
I've travelled more since I've had kids than before I had them.