To expect people to be able to control their children on planes?

[Ace56]

I recently returned from a long haul trip with connecting flights, so was on 5 planes altogether.

On 4 of these flights I was around children who’s parents just seemed to pussyfoot around them and seemed unable to control them.

Flight 1 - mum and 2 kids in the row in front of me. Dad across the aisle, plonks himself down on his laptop for the entire flight. Little boy (around 2-3) EXTREMELY loud, continuous shrieking, disrupting his sister. They had brought nothing for him to do - no iPad/colouring/books, so no wonder he was bored. Just shrieked constantly to get mum’s attention. Dad did absolutely nothing to help, didn’t offer to take him. Neither took him for a walk down the aisle or anything - he literally was in his seat the entire flight, absolutely bored shitless and disturbing everyone around him.

Flight 2 - girl of about 3 sitting behind me, next to mum. Dad across the aisle. Was fine during the flight but kept switching between mum and dad, and taking it in turns to sit on their lap watching her iPad. When it came to landing, she still wanted to switch every few mins. Air hostess politely told them a few times that she needs to be seated now for landing. Parents meekly tried to make her sit still with one of them but eventually gave up, so for the actual landing she ended up in the aisle (very dangerous) with mum holding onto her T-shirt. Air hostesses were seated at this point so couldn’t do anything/didn’t notice.

Flight 3 - boy of about 5 in front of me, standing up in his seat, leaning back into the seat, generally jumping around. Mum apologised but made no real attempt to stop him.

Flight 4 - large extended family sitting in various places around the plane. Children allowed to shout at each other across rows and over people’s heads, not told to stop once.

AIBU to despair at parenting these days if this is the norm? Have other people come across situations like this or was I just very unlucky?!

For example, colouring books have been mentioned a few times. My 16 month old is too young to know what they are for, she'd just try to eat the crayons 🙈😂

When my eldest was a baby we had a late night flight home from holiday. She wasn’t screaming the place down but she wasn’t settled as we were sitting waiting for other passengers to board and then to take off. I was only allowed to take two full bottles on board for her - one for take off and one for landing. I knew as soon as I gave her the bottle she would settle and go to sleep, she was fussing because she was tired, but I didn’t want to give her the bottle before the plane started taxiing as I was worried that take off would wake her and she’d scream and disturb other passengers.
Two women got on the plane, walked past us, gave me a dirty look - for not “controlling my unsettled child” - I was doing all I could and she wasn’t being THAT loud. But these women glared at me and in loud voices said “oh for fuck sake, this is going to be a fucking nightmare!”
As soon as the plane started taxiing I gave my daughter her bottle and she was instantly settled and fell asleep soon after take off. I on the other hand sat silently crying about the judgement of those women.
YANBU to expect parents to keep their children under as much control as is possible, but a little tolerance goes a long way too. If it is outright bad behaviour then it’s not unreasonable to expect parents to stop it, but kids make noise and get bored etc, and if the parents are clearly doing all they can to settle the child then at least try to cut them some slack!

@anxiousmumagain how long is the flight? Everyone expects a bit of crying from kids so dontworry too much as long as they see you trying to do something about it they will understand. Lots of good tips upthread. The only reasons mine cried were tiredness, sore ears or being strapped in / the first two you can mitigate for and the strapped in isn’t for long. We survived many flights and didn’t fall out with anyone! Try not to worry.

@anxiousmumagain

you basically need to up parenting from a 10 to a level 100. I can remember how insufferable we must have sounded when we first flew with DS and probably still do. Lots of singing, toys, stickers etc and really having to work fucking hard to keep him engaged and distracted. But as I said before re the iPad or whatever as an emergency when they are too young for earphones - less annoying than a screaming child i am sure! Good luck

Two women got on the plane, walked past us, gave me a dirty look - for not “controlling my unsettled child” - I was doing all I could and she wasn’t being THAT loud. But these women glared at me and in loud voices said “oh for fuck sake, this is going to be a fucking nightmare!”
As soon as the plane started taxiing I gave my daughter her bottle and she was instantly settled and fell asleep soon after take off. I on the other hand sat silently crying about the judgement of those women.

Nasty horrible women. I'm so sorry you had this experience. I'll also end up in tears if I feel judged too, I know I will, because it will just be so stressful worrying about it all anyway, and on top of that to be so openly judged when your baby is crying. I'd have a break down myself. The holiday is a few months away and I'm already anxious thanks to this thread 😩

@DaveGrohlsMrs

some people are cunts. Absolute cunts. If you are doing everything you can and they are judging you they are those people. Commenting is so rude as well!!

@anxiousmumagain . If you are travelling with your 16 month old as a lap child, one thing you can do to make it much easier for yourself is to take a harness of some sort (littlelife do one or there's a special plane one you can get, I think) and strap your child firmly into your lap so they can't really move. Toddlers can wriggle out of loose plane seatbelts easily, but they can't wriggle out of a harness and so are much more likely to sit quietly on your knee and watch videos, play with toys or go to sleep (as they would in a car seat) then if unrestrained and fighting to be allowed to climb everywhere.

Be careful of the hot drinks of any passengers next to you.

@manlyago

It's just under 5 hrs.

@Giraffesandbottoms

We have ordered her an iPad for the flight - she's only just turned 1 so we've never used on when her before but getting on especially for the flight! She wouldn't keep earphones on her head, I'd be very surprised if she did. She pulls hats off, so I can't see her doing that. But I'm willing to try.

@ChocolateHippo

Thank you - good tip. We are going to get a walking harness type thing for her in case we have to check the buggy in as hold luggage (I don't know how it works tbh), so that we have a way to keep her close to us if she wants to "walk" after we've checked the buggy in before we board the plane (she's only just started walking a month or so ago and essentially does a baby toddle and falls over etc, but she may still want that bit of freedom before we get on the flight!)

Sorry not sure if this has been answered but does anyone know if it's ok to take snacks / cartons of (unopened) baby milk, and water etc for her through in our hand luggage? Or will we get these taken off us and have to buy them once through security?

I find colouring books really annoying on trains/planes even for older children. My 5yo will happily colour for a bit now, but every time we've taken some colouring, I've spent the whole time retrieving dropped crayons from under the seats. We have a folding tray we take now with sides to keep everything contained (it also works well with play doh), but this was the sort of thing I would have taken for a 16 month old (something with an attached pen and no mess):

www.amazon.co.uk/Milly-Ted-Magnetic-Drawing-Board/dp/B07WT43V37

@anxiousmumagain I’m sure it will be fine. Lots of little snacks and small toys that you can bring out one by one. An iPad but definitely headphones or sound off. That will be the thing that will annoy people if you have it blasting out.

They’ll probably sleep too.

Basically - prepare for the worst and hope for the best!

Sadly it’s the world we live in. Parent too exhausted to cope with the kids or don’t want to and yes before anyone says children will be children it’s what they do I agree up to a point but that’s where the parents need to step up and step in and sort it out. yes they are children but parents need to stop them getting away with murder and annoying people. I have a child who was hyperactive so I know what it’s like but he was never allowed to behave like this. I put in hundred percent of my time and attention with him. Not ignoring him not on my phone or lap top not once he got 100 percent of my attention 24/7 which was exhausting but it paid off as I could take him anywhere and I could travel with him i kept him occupied so we didn’t have a problem. It was hard work and I got M.E (CFS, Fibromyalgia and other health conditions as a result of exhaustion and no sleep).He’s now 21 almost 22. I found out it was all the crap in foods that set him off he was allergic to everything even a small amount of sugar in a all natural organic sausages pack with few ingredients that set him off for 12 hours of running around all hyper. Without the foods that made him I’ll he was a quiet well behaved boy that did as I asked not told off not shouted or screamed at but I simply asked and explained why. I have worked in schools and a crèche and have been a nanny so I have more experience not just with my own child but with other peoples. Some parents won’t take or accept any responsibility and they don’t care as long as they don’t have to deal with it they are quite happy to let their children run riot and cause upset which is hard for everyone around them and unless parents change and the airplanes put in more guidelines and rules then nothing will alter. They should be teaching personal parental responsibility in every school 24/7. Why would any patent let their child run riot and upset people on a plane and be ok with it is beyond me.

YANBU those defending these parents are probably these parents themselves! I do not think it’s fair to inflict your family and their unruly behavior in others and I think the stewards should be stricter about this behavior. I’d say something if someone’s kid was doing any of these things

@ChocolateHippo

Thanks, that looks like it might keep her quiet for a bit! It says from aged 3 plus but I'm sure it will be ok - I'll maybe just remove the small stamps, as she will try to eat those 🤣 she can just use the little pen thing to make some scribbles. 😃

@anxiousmumagain . Toys that you can attach to the seat in front are generally good too! Anything with a handle that you can tie on with a bit of string so it doesn't get chucked under the seats. We found those baby toy straps helpful to attach dummies and toys.

Triangular crayons are your friend!

I bought them as a cheap option for a plane trip but when I got home DH pointed out how brilliant they would be because they don’t roll.

YANBU I have kids and you don't go long haul if you have to and then you take EVERYTHING to keep them entertained/quiet/not a nuisance to fellow travellers - food, colouring books, reading books, activity games, card games, Calpol etc etc whatever keeps your kids happy
Until they can sit nicely you don't do any flight over 2hrs. Aren't those the rules???

@anxiousmumagain yes you can if you have a baby, keep them separate (e.g. in a carrier bag that you can easily pull out for security).

Thanks @Aria999 😊

Until they can sit nicely you don't do any flight over 2hrs. Aren't those the rules???

Shit... looks like we are breaking the "rules" 😖🤣

@anxiousmumagain well why would you do that to yourselves and others?! 2 hrs is ample time to get to Benidorm or wherever. If you want to do Oz wait until they're teens/don't want to holiday with you anymore!

I read that as keep the baby in a separate carrier bag through security! 🤣🤣🤣

Well, it could make it easier in some ways. 🤣🤣🤣

@Yerroblemom1923

yeh we won’t go further than portugal for the foreseeable future 😃

@anxiousmumagain

ipad on very low volume is fine, IMO.

Where are you flying to @anxiousmumagain ?

I wish adults were less annoying on flights too though. I was stuck listening to Sandra explaining her housing renovation in excruciating detail to someone I don’t even think she knew. Very very boring and monotonous voice too, it was so painful. By the end of the flight I wanted to wallpaper Sandra.