To expect people to be able to control their children on planes?

[Ace56]

I recently returned from a long haul trip with connecting flights, so was on 5 planes altogether.

On 4 of these flights I was around children who’s parents just seemed to pussyfoot around them and seemed unable to control them.

Flight 1 - mum and 2 kids in the row in front of me. Dad across the aisle, plonks himself down on his laptop for the entire flight. Little boy (around 2-3) EXTREMELY loud, continuous shrieking, disrupting his sister. They had brought nothing for him to do - no iPad/colouring/books, so no wonder he was bored. Just shrieked constantly to get mum’s attention. Dad did absolutely nothing to help, didn’t offer to take him. Neither took him for a walk down the aisle or anything - he literally was in his seat the entire flight, absolutely bored shitless and disturbing everyone around him.

Flight 2 - girl of about 3 sitting behind me, next to mum. Dad across the aisle. Was fine during the flight but kept switching between mum and dad, and taking it in turns to sit on their lap watching her iPad. When it came to landing, she still wanted to switch every few mins. Air hostess politely told them a few times that she needs to be seated now for landing. Parents meekly tried to make her sit still with one of them but eventually gave up, so for the actual landing she ended up in the aisle (very dangerous) with mum holding onto her T-shirt. Air hostesses were seated at this point so couldn’t do anything/didn’t notice.

Flight 3 - boy of about 5 in front of me, standing up in his seat, leaning back into the seat, generally jumping around. Mum apologised but made no real attempt to stop him.

Flight 4 - large extended family sitting in various places around the plane. Children allowed to shout at each other across rows and over people’s heads, not told to stop once.

AIBU to despair at parenting these days if this is the norm? Have other people come across situations like this or was I just very unlucky?!

But generally they are in the situation by choice.

For the most part, unless relocating overseas, small kids needn't be on planes or in pubs or restaurants. Maybe parents need to suck it up and forego certain holidays or outings till the children are older, rather than expecting everyone else to suck it up.

Because you're only allowed to take your kids on holiday if they are perfectly behaved 🤦‍♀️ please.

Sometimes it can be the adult passengers rather than the children that are at fault though.

I travelled on a lot of long-haul flights prior to having children, so am aware that some can be be badly behaved (including having orange juice poured over my foot on one occasion by a tantruming child!) and have always been very strict with my mine and didn’t actually travel with them when they were very young.

On one flight, my two DS were arguing as we boarded and no doubt the other passengers were rightly hoping that they weren’t sitting near to us. However, I seated them either side of me, so that they couldn’t fight and they then spent the the whole 3-hour flight sitting quietly watching TV with headphones or reading, and not moving about. Despite this, the woman in front had obviously already decided that they were an issue and every time that my youngest spoke, would turn round to look at us and sigh loudly. He was speaking less than an adult probably would - e.g. asking how to change channels and what food option he wanted but I was made to feel really uncomfortable

For the most part, unless relocating overseas, small kids needn't be on planes or in pubs or restaurants. Maybe parents need to suck it up and forego certain holidays or outings till the children are older, rather than expecting everyone else to suck it up.

What age is it that you think children will magically be well behaved in a situation that they've never been exposed to? Could you let all the rude adults that I see know, since they've presumably passed threshold?

I think parents should always try to control their children in public, and I certainly do. But it isn't with a 100% success rate, and that's part of learning and producing the next generation of adults. In a pub or restaurant then you can and should remove a disruptive child, but that's not an option on a plane!

I'd rather lairy, unpleasant, rude men were confined to quarters until they can behave, than children. Have had far more issue with them over the years, especially in pubs.

Had a flight today, several children on board the small plane and all the others were good, one small baby crying during landing but that can't be helped, just the ear pain thing. My 4 year old did kick the chair in front a few times when he forgot himself and swung his legs (I took his shoes off though thanks to a tip from a pp, and of course stopped him each time) but no over-tired tantrums thank fuck, was exceedingly cheerful the whole time.
No lairy unpleasant men either, was quite the perfect flight!

@KosherDill It is a bit much to expect parents of young children to stay at home permanently. In fact I think it may create more issues further down the line as how will kids ever learn unless they are exposed to certain situations. Perhaps it's not the best idea to take a wriggly toddler to a fancy restaurant for a lengthy lunch, sometimes even the most angelic child will unexpectedly have a meltdown that's just life (I'm still traumatised from DDs episode in a restaurant almost 20 years ago)

That would cheese me off.

Four or five years of local holidays and judicious choice of restaurants is, in consideration of others, not "a bit much."

Kids can learn at home if the family has proper seated meals rather than fast food shoved at a kid with a screen.

I think you were unlucky, especially with flight 1.

If you felt for one flight that there was dangerous behaviour, you should complain, and suggest to the airline they ban the parents concerned.

👍

Some flights don't have tv... And they aren't clear with videos. USB doesn't work for tablet then the parent is screwed. Especially if the last plane, same airline they had fun games and videos and this plane doesn't. They may have a plan. Then they don't.

Also I'd say the dad could be medicated and trying not to have a panic attack. Some dad's just suck though and are tired and can't be bothered. Not the mom's fault.

Also, are you all watching the parents or listening? How do you know what's going on in their seat? Many times I've been with an infant or a 2 year old and have other children and can't get up to get my child. They may have been seated apart as well when you have more than 1.

I'd say no excuse for an 8 year old kicking but if the parent isn't right there and doesn't know, someone will have to talk to the kid and explain.

Some parents do let their children run around but it's not usually the "entitled" parents it's usually uneducated people who think that's the best way. Entitled people are usually overly prepared and definitely get judged for that pretty harshly. Really hard to win as a parent. Either we're doing too much or too little no matter what and everyone thinks they should weigh in.

It's really important that we try to put ourselves in other people's shoes or get some headphones and be prepared yourself because the only reason you exist in the world is because of mother's and father's and children are a part of life. Can't think your way out of having to deal with young humans....

Wow threatening to ban parents is pretty wild. I'd say they should try to help. Offer understanding. Threatening the people who are having the hardest time is pretty crazy. How can you even suggest that?

How about "Hey i know this is very difficult and probably been a really hard day being in the airport all day and now in a plane with small children. I want you to know that we will al stand by you if you have to hold your child down forcefully, screaming and crying and won't report you to child services for abuse because we all know you're going to be doing it for their safety and because it's a law. We promise under no circumstances will anyone in this plane be allowed to film you while you do that or attempt to threaten to have your children taken away if you attempt to discipline them in public or control them in a way you feel you need to. If someone does that we as an airline will BAN those passengers and will standby you against CHILD SERVICES as we support parents and want parents of small children to be able to fly safely and comfortably just like any other person. Especially because parents have such an incredibly difficult and important job raising our future."

Why wouldn't any of you all be suggesting that? Why are parents constantly having to be threatened with having their children taken or being banned from places?

Please open your eyes a little......

@Josie77784 Are you alright?

Literally the opposite of what this person is saying. That so many people think some guy flying alone being "subjected" to children, is somehow reasonable is scary and what is wrong with the entire English speaking world. No understanding of children or parenting whatsoever. This guy probably blames his parents for his problems too. Shame on this individualiatic society who hates parents and children and comes from parents and children... It is WAY more difficult to be the parents in these situations and if this guy doesn't see it and HAS children, either they were easy children, he was lucky or he never was in a plane with his children. I have 4 children and 3 are easy, 1 is almost impossible and it is literally never my choice to have the children in public at all. Have been accused of abuse when I've tried to control his tantrums and threatened to be turned over to child services for doing so. On one hand you have the older generation telling us we're too easy on our children and another set of people telling us we're abusive. Not possible. You people need to get some lives. Get some headphones. Get some BALLS and if a CHILD is kicking your seat have the decency to ask their parents respectfully to please have the child not do it or ask them yourselves as you're ADULTS who apparently know basically everything about the world and are able to judge everyone so please make the right decisions, be more prepared for THE REAL WORLD that would COMPLETELY cease to exist without parents and children. How about be the wise person you're pretending to be and offer some help to the parent or child or suck it up and deal with life or stop flying because most adults don't actually HAVE to fly.

@balalake see my reply to you at the end of the comments. Please never suggest taking legal actions against parents unless you'd like that done to you for your mistakes or weaknesses. This is pretty extreme.

@rainbowmilk
Are you showing true concern for someone or are you trying to make someone look crazy? Do I seem okay? Do I seem frustrated? Would you be?

I mean, it’s a bit weird to be lectured on adult tolerance and understanding from someone who keeps SHOUTING about child services and legal action and the general torment faced by parents in society.

@rainbowmilk
You all (if you feel so offended) are the ones lecturing and not understanding the reality of being a parent today. If you find all of that, child services stuff a bit much then you would agree with me. That's the reality of parenting today. Those are real things that happen to moms every day doing normal things and having normal and very difficult situations happen to them simply because they have children and then are threatened and lectured by perfect strangers, doctors, other mother's etc. to be reported, banned, excluded etc. because of a tantrum their child is throwing or some other equally impossible situation to control such as bowel movements or even a child's volume. And in this specific case like another mother has pointed out, it's on an airplane where the mother(s) can't simply grab her child and disappear if everything she's done or knows to do will not help the situation. Many people are even suggesting not to ever travel while you have children that they can't control everything about them, is a very stupid suggestion as it's not possible and deserves a solid reaction. Most mother's travelling by plane are not on vacation and neither will their vacation feel like a vacation if they are, because she has small children. If you don't understand what I'm saying then you are not a mother or you have an incredibly amazing support team and incredible kids and that makes you lucky, not smart and definitely not better. So maybe have some humility and don't think you have the right to point the finger at people whom you don't know.

It's incredibly judgmental and idiotic, like I said previously, to continue as a culture to be so harsh towards parents instead of helpful and supportive. Yes it does become infuriating that you can't go out as a mother without everyone having their say about every move you make. Are you all also the people who don't understand when people completely freak out and hurt others after being mistreated repeatedly by people who think they're better? Do you try to make people feel crazy and then blame them for their reactions or are you trying to be a part of the good change in the world?

I had an experience on flight where the lady started shouting on top of her voice and questioning about parenting techniques as my kids were playing in the bus with a poll.I can co relate you with the same lady. She started saying everyone is irritated as your kids are playing and I politely said I don’t think so and 2 strangers around us confirmed that they are fine and the lady became quite. In my instance the kids were not screaming but were singing songs and playing with a pole.I think people like you need help with their anger management issues for trying to insult other people for thinking you are entitled to do so.You are causing more distress and nuisance in a public place with you tone and your screaming.This shows your in consideration for peoples feelings around you, and eventually humanity though you are an adult. It is not OK to try to intimidate other people around you when you yourself are doing the same things.FYI the children should be guarded from such people or they will pick up on the rude and disrespectful behaviour towards others.

YANBU how difficult is it to prepare for taking a small child on a plane fgs. A bag full of new toys, books, colouring, snacks, a tablet or mobile phone with some favourite programmes uploaded and a set of headphones. Any long journey DS had a tablet and headphones with short programmes and cartoons downloaded. It was the one time he was allowed to watch them all back to back - he loved it!! Not once had he ever tantrummed, screamed, kicked the back of someone's chair, jumped up and down (or even stood on a seat) or run around on a plane. He's been taught these aren't acceptable behaviours.
We also used to take sweets/lollies to help with the ear popping.

I completely agree with the OP. Unless of course a child has SN. Which does not sound like it was the case here.

I definitely agree that there are a lot of parents who think they can just get on a flight and not bother to actually parent their children. I remember one flight that I was on where some kids were hitting each other and their father looked pissed out of his skull and just kind of mumbled at them before going back to sleep.

Another family kept letting their toddler wander off on the plane. It’s just not on. I suppose I’m lucky with my children because they are very placid and would sit and play travel scrabble etc. But I provided them with things to do - it’s not hard.

Yes, I have met similar situations (on planes, trains, buses, ferries,in restaurants).. Then I did something about it. Polite, calm, firm. It works.

You could have asked the stewards to intervene
You could have spoken direct to the parents
You could have spoken direct to the children.

No one is saying that. But everybody suffers being around out of control screaming kids on a flight. It’s just horrible and stressful for everybody. It’s just about at least trying to pacify little children out of consideration for others.

Or is ‘consideration for others’ not a thing any more?