To expect people to be able to control their children on planes?

[Ace56]

I recently returned from a long haul trip with connecting flights, so was on 5 planes altogether.

On 4 of these flights I was around children who’s parents just seemed to pussyfoot around them and seemed unable to control them.

Flight 1 - mum and 2 kids in the row in front of me. Dad across the aisle, plonks himself down on his laptop for the entire flight. Little boy (around 2-3) EXTREMELY loud, continuous shrieking, disrupting his sister. They had brought nothing for him to do - no iPad/colouring/books, so no wonder he was bored. Just shrieked constantly to get mum’s attention. Dad did absolutely nothing to help, didn’t offer to take him. Neither took him for a walk down the aisle or anything - he literally was in his seat the entire flight, absolutely bored shitless and disturbing everyone around him.

Flight 2 - girl of about 3 sitting behind me, next to mum. Dad across the aisle. Was fine during the flight but kept switching between mum and dad, and taking it in turns to sit on their lap watching her iPad. When it came to landing, she still wanted to switch every few mins. Air hostess politely told them a few times that she needs to be seated now for landing. Parents meekly tried to make her sit still with one of them but eventually gave up, so for the actual landing she ended up in the aisle (very dangerous) with mum holding onto her T-shirt. Air hostesses were seated at this point so couldn’t do anything/didn’t notice.

Flight 3 - boy of about 5 in front of me, standing up in his seat, leaning back into the seat, generally jumping around. Mum apologised but made no real attempt to stop him.

Flight 4 - large extended family sitting in various places around the plane. Children allowed to shout at each other across rows and over people’s heads, not told to stop once.

AIBU to despair at parenting these days if this is the norm? Have other people come across situations like this or was I just very unlucky?!

We stayed within 2 hours drive until school age. Different if you have family abroad I guess but otherwise why choose to do that to yourself?! Young kids don’t know where they. Load of pointless stress.

Have you ever tryed to get children to behave for the entire flight in an enclosed space? Have to ever know children to stay quiet for a couple of hours flight the entire time? As annoying as it is for passangers there should be some sympathy for parents, as unfortunitly children will not stay quiet every time we want them to. Unfortunitly people will just have to put up or shut up.

Read the title and expected to say Yabu but reading your examples, that's dreadful. Shocked by 2nd flight, health and safety should trump everything. Yanbu!

This!

Unfortunitly people will just have to put up or shut up.
What a ridiculous, graceless thing to say . Put up or shut up...
What does it even mean in this context?

Nobody should have sympathy for you not being able to control your kids, and nobody even half civilised would have the entitlement to think they deserved it.

What a ridiculous comment. Clearly you have never had to try to control upset children in a plane. So yes you will have to put up or shut up.

If the parents are trying all they can and are struggling then fair enough but if they are literally doing nothing to handle the situation then YANBU. (I have a 3 yr old seen as this is being asked)

Did you read the op? Not a single one of those scenarios related to "upset" children. Stop arguing something you haven't even understood, it makes you look extremely dim.

I agree with this.

@Funkykitty

My kids had clocked 50,000 air miles before 5. It's perfectly possible to keep them quiet, and this was in the days before iPads and smartphones! You need to be very prepared as a parent with lots of distractions plus accept your won't get to relax at all. We mostly flew long haul west coast of USA due to living overseas but plenty of domestic us flights too.

I'll be forever indebted to the lovely ladies who read stories or bounced one of mine on their knees ... I never asked but always had offers. BA cabin crew are lovely too, especially the head steward who brought me a first class meal when I travelled solo with my 7 week old as I needed the strength!

I see its you that dosn’t understand. Go back and read your own comment.

That’s nothing compared to the adult travellers I’ve came across.

Common sense at last!!

If you feel you really have to fly with small children, then you need to be on it. Not throw your hands up and let your children cry. Most people are tolerant of upset children if it’s obvious their parents are trying to distract and care for them.

But I’ve flown too many times when parents ignore behaviour which has an impact on other passengers, or seem totally ineffective in doing anything about it.

Same here. Far easier to take all that you need with you too.

The majority of under 3’s understandably don’t want to just sit still for hours. If you add on travelling to the airport, going through bag drop, security etc, they’re probably all thoroughly fed up by the time they’re sat on the plane.

YANBU. I'd find all ways to occupy them and use bribery. I'd also reiterate that they listen to the air stewards/stewardesses, follow instructions and don't dick about. I don't want to inflict my children on others minding their own business. And the safety aspect is concerning if they can't get the kid to sit down through take off and landing they shouldn't be getting on the plane.

I never smacked my son but I only had to give him 'the look' and he shut and behaved. He knew there would be consequences otherwise. Some kids just don't get consequences.

Parents have different tolerances levels and assume that what they tolerate, everyone else should.

because of a tantrum their child is throwing or some other equally impossible situation to control such as bowel movements or even a child's volume
Impossible situations to control? That's the issue I have. I never expect kids to be able to monitor their own behaviour in public. It's a learning process, but Gosh do I get annoyed with parents who act helpless and are too lazy to do something about their kids behaviour.

If a kid has a poo, you get up and change them. If your kid is being loud, you distract them, give them an activity that keeps them quiet. You engage with them in talking and remind them to keep it at a normal sound level.

There is nothing worse than a kid having a tantrum and parents doing absolutely nothing about it? I just can't fathom why you wouldn't at least try everything to stop it, whichever way and instead find it acceptable to impose it to everyone else.

Have you ever tryed to get children to behave for the entire flight in an enclosed space?
Yep, a few times a year and yes, except for the very short occasional moment, they were very well behaved. Why? Because I was always engaged with them. We talked about every aspect of the experience. Because I arranged for them to be occupied throughout the journey. Because I told them before we went on that there would be punishment if they didn't behaved. Because I dealt with any concerning behaviour very early to be sure to de-escalate it before it became a tantrum.

Amazingly, most parents manage it. Those who are engaged rather than seating there with their music on, phone in their hand, nothing to entertain their kids and then act all helpless when their kids lose it.

In my book, that is bad parenting.

100% agree. I have 3 children and when they weee little I could take them anywhere - including on planes every year.

Good parenting = you at least attempt to manage it.
Poor parenting = saying there’s nothing I can do about my kid kicking off so sod everyone else on the plane.

I am just back from a holiday with my 4 kids.

We were delayed 3 hours before getting on the return flight, so around 0130 we took off eventually. My kids were exhausted and annoyed, but obviously we tried our best to keep them quiet.

My 3 year old mostly slept the way home, but we had a lot of turbulence so every now and then we had to fanny around sorting things our when the seat belt sign came on which would unsettle her. Also she would just occasionally wake up crying a bit. We would try and calm her everytime and settle her ASAP. Some man 2 rows back took it upon himself to just stare at us and make shitty comments everytime she made a noise. Even though we were very obviously on top of trying to deal with it. On the 5 hours we were on the plane I doubt she was even crying for 15 minutes cumulativly, so seemed a bit mean he was so angry. Sadly some people have zero tolerance for children.

That man sounds like a total arse.

You're right, some people do just have zero tolerance for any noise whatsoever and seem to confuse a public airplane for their own private jet. 🙄

The problem is that people nowadays have had to put up, so often, with inconsiderate parents who let their kids scream and shout in restaurants, or fail to remove them from marriage ceremonies when their crying is drowning out the vows, or bring toddlers into cinemas to see films way beyond them and then allow them to disturb everyone else because they're bored, that tolerance levels have gone way down.

Totally unfair on the considerate parents, but there is a minority of totally self absorbed parents who are ruining it for everyone.

Back when (for reasons I won't go into) we could travel Business Class as cheaply as Economy, we often took our kids in Business Class. I guess they were five, six, that kind of age.

They were very well-behaved. Quiet and polite.

But I really enjoyed seeing the horrified and apprehensice faces of the other Business Class passengers when we got on.

But I really enjoyed seeing the horrified and apprehensice faces of the other Business Class passengers when we got on
You realise that makes you sound like a twat?

No one wants to be seated near unruly or screaming children let's be honest, but I've seen adults behave a lot worse than children on planes, and some with a shocking sense of entitlement.