To expect people to be able to control their children on planes?

[Ace56]

I recently returned from a long haul trip with connecting flights, so was on 5 planes altogether.

On 4 of these flights I was around children who’s parents just seemed to pussyfoot around them and seemed unable to control them.

Flight 1 - mum and 2 kids in the row in front of me. Dad across the aisle, plonks himself down on his laptop for the entire flight. Little boy (around 2-3) EXTREMELY loud, continuous shrieking, disrupting his sister. They had brought nothing for him to do - no iPad/colouring/books, so no wonder he was bored. Just shrieked constantly to get mum’s attention. Dad did absolutely nothing to help, didn’t offer to take him. Neither took him for a walk down the aisle or anything - he literally was in his seat the entire flight, absolutely bored shitless and disturbing everyone around him.

Flight 2 - girl of about 3 sitting behind me, next to mum. Dad across the aisle. Was fine during the flight but kept switching between mum and dad, and taking it in turns to sit on their lap watching her iPad. When it came to landing, she still wanted to switch every few mins. Air hostess politely told them a few times that she needs to be seated now for landing. Parents meekly tried to make her sit still with one of them but eventually gave up, so for the actual landing she ended up in the aisle (very dangerous) with mum holding onto her T-shirt. Air hostesses were seated at this point so couldn’t do anything/didn’t notice.

Flight 3 - boy of about 5 in front of me, standing up in his seat, leaning back into the seat, generally jumping around. Mum apologised but made no real attempt to stop him.

Flight 4 - large extended family sitting in various places around the plane. Children allowed to shout at each other across rows and over people’s heads, not told to stop once.

AIBU to despair at parenting these days if this is the norm? Have other people come across situations like this or was I just very unlucky?!

They'll turn out just like their parents, I should imagine.

Flight 2 - girl of about 3 sitting behind me, next to mum. Dad across the aisle. Was fine during the flight but kept switching between mum and dad, and taking it in turns to sit on their lap watching her iPad. When it came to landing, she still wanted to switch every few mins. Air hostess politely told them a few times that she needs to be seated now for landing. Parents meekly tried to make her sit still with one of them but eventually gave up, so for the actual landing she ended up in the aisle (very dangerous) with mum holding onto her T-shirt. Air hostesses were seated at this point so couldn’t do anything/didn’t notice.

I’m sure that if anything had happened to her the parents would have sued the airline.

I’ve travelled Virgin Upper Class and still had to suffer through the screaming and constant running into the upper class section from someone’s child further down the plane. With the parent indulgently walking them through our section of the plane several times, and bringing them to use our toilet because the child had a hissy fit and wanted to, until a flight attendant asked them to please leave and not enter this section again.

Airlies are missing a trick here.

Well YANBU about the older children but I have some sympathy for the parents of toddlers as we once had an awful time on a flight with DD when she was about 2.

I suppose I was a bit blasé because a year before I had flown to Sydney with her. Single handed on the way there and with DH on the way back. She was absolutely great on both journeys, played, slept and in excellent spirits all the way. No trouble to anyone.

Hence I was really not worried at all about the very short-haul flight we took which should have lasted one hour. Naively I had not appreciated the difference between travelling with a one year old baby and an almost two year old toddler. We had not experienced tantrums until that point.

The flight should have been at midday so I was expecting to feed her and then she would be due a nap and refreshed and awake when we landed. Hah! After we had boarded we were told the take off had been delayed by an hour.

She was tired and bored and before long started to scream her head off. This had never happened before. I literally could not calm her, I was actually worried she would make herself ill. It was so bad that they actually brought the steps back to the aircraft and I was asked if I would like to take her off to calm her. I did get her to sleep but she woke up again when I was getting back in to my seat ready for take off and then proceeded to scream almost the whole way there.

I know we must have been the most hated people on the plane but there was really nothing more I could do. It is years ago now (DD in her 20s now) but I always remember that when I see a parent struggling with a screaming toddler and feel a twinge of sympathy

My DC was 3/4 when we took her on first flight. One flight was 4 hours, the other flight was about 10 hours. I preempted travel sickness and ear ache due to both dh and I suffering it so assumed she would too. DC wasnt much trouble, bored a bit sometimes but I took plenty to entertain her like colouring, books, small game, iPad. One of the flight had a TV in seat in front to use.

I get it if children are bored and noisy but no excuse for parents ignoring it like some of your examples.

I went on a flight years ago with DH's family which was also 3 children under 8 youngest 2. Absolutely terrible. The parents let the kids run around the whole flight and did nothing about it except look on with a "isn't my child adorable". Poor air hostess couldn't get food cart past.

@ZaraSizeMedium I didn't say they won't be there just % wise there are less.

I think families make up a large market for airlines.

I preempted travel sickness and ear ache due to both dh and I suffering it so assumed she would too.

How?

I remember a flight I took at 14 & it was awful for my ears. I cried (silently) for about an hour. I would consider myself to have a high pain threshold (stitches without anaesthetic, back to back labour with no pain relief (neither out of choice).

But 5foot5 the difference is you tried to calm her - no matter how much noise a child makes if their parents are actually making an effort its okay with me

Parents who make no attempt to keep their children in check or entertain them drive me insane - but for every one of those you’ll have several others desperately trying to ensure their children don’t kick off. I’ve been one of those parents and it’s mortifying.

There are plenty of adults who don’t behave themselves on public - my ire is saved for them.

Yanbu, kids will be kids and that's exactly why parents need to parent.

I once had a child sat behind me on a plane who kicked my seat constantly. I think he was about 8 ish. I asked him to stop 3 times and his parents did nothing. It actually hurt. I could have done time that day how I didnt swing for the little shit I will never know. Slack as anything parents and badly behaved child.it was a nightmare of a flight.

A screaming baby you can do little about on a flight but a child / toddler kicking chairs, running about etc. is just poor planning and poor parenting.

I have done a 12 hour flight with a baby (which slept and ate) and a 3 year old (which slept and watched TV). I was the only person who didn't sleep a wink on the plane - exhausting but then I wasn't stressed / embarrassed by my children's behaviour. Some people can't parent for toffee..

You are not being unreasonable when it's behaviour which can be addressed. I used to hate screaming babies but I now sympathise with the parents if the babies and toddlers are crying because of ear pain, or stress of the flight, especially if you can see the parents are doing everything they can.

The child who was in the aisle for landing - obviously one of her parents should have physically made her sit with them - you would have then had to probably deal with a lot of screaming etc but at least it would have been safe.

YANBU to wish parents did some forward planning- provided activities and snacks for their kids to keep them occupied. Or to teach them some respect for others to not invade their personal space/shout up and and down aisles to each other.

on a flight back from holiday my then 3 year old (who has ASD) had a horrendous meltdown, can’t remember what it was about, but he wouldn’t sit in his seat for take off, was too big to sit on my lap according to the cabin crew (who were very patient and kind) and the pilot refused to go anywhere until everyone was sitting in their seats. Fair enough. I got a lot of evil looks and tutting. I probably came across as a
totally ineffective parent and my now ex fucking useless as he refused to get involved as he was busy looking after our other fast asleep child, because I was talking to him quietly, almost crying and didn’t make any headway with him until he literally screamed and sobbed himself to sleep for long enough for me to move him to his seat and put his belt over him for take off.

Some of that sounded like unpreparedness but I don’t think you can always avoid disturbing other people when they’re small. I hate flying with toddlers. I did it with my first and took all the toys, iPad type stuff for distraction but she still cried and threw up all over me. Didn’t take her abroad again until she was 5. My second we took recently at 18 months and purposely chose a holiday destination with a short flight. We just about managed to keep her good for the two hours but it literally took every form of distraction under the sun- peppa pig, sticker book, colouring, snacks, toys… and every ounce of energy.

My children are ok now, but whilst in the same age group, we once flew to Tenerife inbound flight they were ace. The outbound flight was delayed they were little bastards.😂 Dp and I were separated, up-down-up-down, I wanna see daddy-mummy, etc.
I was so embarrassed.
Anyhow they're good as gold these days after that blip.

I have 6 children.
YANBU

and the 10 hour flight when the (someone else’s) child played peppa fucking pig flat out on an iPad in the row behind us was something I will take to my grave……

Or ones that let them watch their iPads without headphones. Drives me nuts!

I was on an 8 hour flight some years ago. One family let their children charge up and down the aisle, screaming and shouting. Disrupted the staff trying to get the trolleys though etc.
It didn't stop until one child fell and banged her head, was flat on her back next to me, then panic ensued from the mother who finally remembered she had a child and started shouting for a Dr.
I don't know the outcome as the child was picked up and taken away, but it was pleasantly peaceful after that.

Ya so nba !!

through

Yanbu

Close family have raised their DC like this, they are in late teens now and they are awful.

It’s this sort of lazy parenting, and it becoming increasingly widespread, that means people are less and less willing to give the benefit of the doubt and be tolerant when an otherwise well-behaved child has a bad day.

YANBU, I have a DC and I'm appalled that parents let their children to act like this on the plane. We flew a lot when we were kids and we knew better and if we didn't my parents would come down on us. This is one of the reasons why I hate flying, obnoxious children.