To hate it when people say “my husband/partner/boyfriend doesn’t do the night feeds because he works”

[ForestFae]

Every time I see or hear this phrase, I rage. Usually said by some poor sleep deprived new mum who’s looking after the baby/ies all day long. Why is looking after a baby not considered valuable work? Why are men getting away with using this rubbish excuse?

I was a professional rugby player, I very much enjoyed being a statistic, it meant being paid to do something that I loved every single moment of. I also love my ‘proper’ job, I absolutely love maths and I do maths for fun, being paid to do something I both love and I am good at is brilliant.

Ah so you only worked for some faceless corporation as a statistic. I can see why giving up work was the more attractive option

Almost every job would come under this category. Unless you’re a farmer, or a blacksmith, or a tailor or something actually meaningful where you have a craft. Most jobs in modern society are bullshit, modern society in general is bullshit.

im loving the fact you keep trying to put down my previous career to try and make yourself feel better about my opinions though. Take a guess, what jobs do you think I’ve done? Amuse me!

Going by the fact the only interesting jobs you can think of are farmer, blacksmith or tailor, I'd hazard a guess your working life before coming a parent was pretty damn shit

@ForestFae

I am liberated thanks. Independent. Rewarded. My work has immense value. Its not lesser to my value as a parent. (Except maybe to my kids)

Youve spent the thread arguing that its not possible for a working mum to do anything like what a sahm does in the 'weekend'

But now you're arguing that your oh is in fact an equal parent to you despite oy having the 'weekend'

And it's me who is unhinged?

🤣

Not at all. You’re making assumptions about me based on barely anything - my ideology and beliefs are what motivates my opinions on work, not a poor experience. But of course, people can only form beliefs based on personal experience right, and not on what they think is moral or ethical. But keep bootlicking for the system lol.

It’s not possible to do everything a SAHM does during the week in a weekend, no. My DH doesn’t do as much as I do in the week in his weekend. We share the jobs at the weekend. I don’t understand why I am having to spell this out, it was very clear from what I was saying. He also doesn’t think he parents as much or in the same way as I do, because he isn’t there as often!

I never said an equal parent, either. I said we share it when he is here. We would both agree I’m the primary/main caregiver.

No assumptions here- you've revealed yourself well and truly on this thread.
Raging and all.

@ForestFae

So why are you saying I'm unhinged to say you hoard the care?

You do

You could have worked and split the care. But you wanted to be the pcg.

How come you don't judge your oh for working?

To be fair, the OP's DH had done a jolly good stint of the intense parenting that needs constant attention every minute yesterday evening and today while the OP's been on MN raging on behalf of SAHMs.

@LaMarschallin

My thoughts exactly!

Why does it matter if people think you had a good career or not? I thought you'd rejected exploitation by the capitalism society for a higher purpose? Why do you want people to define you by your past when you've thrown off your chains and achieved self actualisation through unpaid work?

"im loving the fact you keep trying to put down my previous career to try and make yourself feel better about my opinions though. Take a guess, what jobs do you think I’ve done? Amuse me!"

Maccas?

It doesn’t, it’s just funny that people have to make up lies about me to try and make themselves feel better. I think it’s a bit pathetic actually.

Nope

It’s not hoarding anything to divide it between us how we see fit.

And yet you rage when other mums say they do all the night feeds because you assume they aren't doing things as they and their partner see fit....

Here's a thought - a daring one I grant you - maybe, just maybe - other parents divide things differently and raise happy, healthy children, just as I'm sure yours are .

Radical thought eh?

@ForestFae

Ummmmm.

Hows that different to your op that you're so pissed off about?

I think you're a mug for letting your oh only share bits of the weekend

How is that valuing parenting?

I'm not sure you fully believe your own argument here OP. If you sincerely believed that most jobs are worthless and your role is the highest purpose, I don't think you'd care a jot what people implied about your former career.
How can you see something as a put down and want to set the record straight about something that holds no meaning to you?
If you believed your own argument all you would care about is what you're doing now. Yet here you are upset that people may imagine you didn't once have a good job, and creating opportunities to set them straight about how high level it was.

You think I’m a mug for staying home with my kids? Ok lol. I disagree, completely

Because they’re implying my opinion is formed from some op believed negative experience, rather than analysis and deep thought about how society operates. I also don’t like the idea of people being wrong about things about me, I never have. I’ll own things about me that are true but I hate lies.

@ForestFae

No.

That you say your oh values the role of parenting yet he doesn't actually do any.

That you judge posters for working but don't judge your own oh