to feel miffed after this date?

[Speckledhen2022]

Hi,

I recently went on a date with a guy who I met on a dating app. We arranged to meet outside a shopping centre. Next to the shopping centre is a row of great restaurants and cafes. I assumed that for the date we would into one of those and have a drink or something to eat. When I met him outside the shopping centre, he said hello then said 'let's go for a walk'. I was a bit surprised, but I started walking along with him. The shopping centre was surrounded by an area which isn't really scenic so there was nothing good to look at on the walk. We walked around the outskirts of the shopping centre for around 10 minutes whilst talking. We got back to where we started and by that point I thought 'well this is strange'. It isn't like a normal date. We stood there talking for another 5 mins and he asked me about my evening plans and I said just cooking my dinner probably. He said 'oh ok same'. He then asked if I wanted him to walk me home and I said 'No thanks' because I did not want him knowing my address. He said 'I will go home for something to eat. I am a bit hungry'. I said 'ok bye'.

Maybe I am being daft, but I just feel kind of miffed and flat after that date. I just went home feeling really deflated. AIBU to feel miffed and deflated after that date?

The issue is people acting like everyone else should tolerate their low standards and berating OP for not having suggested a coffee or food when literally anyone in the world would have assume meeting at a shopping centre with cafes and restaurants would mean going into one of them.

This! ^^

He has shown himself in all his glory. Why on earth would you even consider another meet up!!

Imagine you end up married to him one day… you’d be on here saying ‘yes I should have read the big red signs back on that first date’.

Save yourself!!!

There you go, then. Either option absolutely fine. Don't worry about what he was thinking, just follow your own wishes here

You had me there. This guy is very socially awkward, a plain weirdo or has no manners (he didn't even apologise for his 20 mins late???). He made you feel awkward with what was a super cringe date and you don't want to see him again. He deserves no apologies for not getting a second date. Plenty of fish.

@Speckledhen2022 the photoshoot thing makes a funny anecdote now, I hope you view the shopping centre fake-date similarly in due course!
Photoshoot guy wasn't a deliberately malicious person - he wasn't very bright but very vain and had done the makeover himself, he thought I'd enjoy it like he had... No thanks!

Some guys are a bit awkward about asking women out as they might think you want to choose and it sounds like you shut him down with the I'm having dinner.

My current DH was like that I had to set the location and place for our first date but then he opened up more.

Might be worth giving him another chance and saying our first date was a bit boring, do you fancy going for a meal somewhere the next time?

Does anyone else read these threads and are just greatful that their dating days are well and truly behind them .....

No second date then.

@Ragwort yes!

It is weird to suggest a walk around the shopping centre but you have a mouth too why didn't you say lets get a drink or something to eat instead?

I really disagree with all the people saying that @Speckledhen2022 should have suggested a drink or something - because there is a benefit in just seeing what he thinks is acceptable for a first date.

If she'd taken the lead, she'd never have found out how peculiar he was. Now she knows and can never see him again.

If she'd made suggestions, then it would have been disguised and she'd not found out til much later.

I suppose it depends what relationship dynamics you want or find acceptable but I wouldn't want something where right from the start, unless I took the lead, we'd end up scrounging from bins!

20minutes late? Fuck off for that alone. A wander round a shopping centre? What a joker. Nope. NEEEEXXXT

Yes! However we wouldn’t be dating today’s young whipper snappers so presumably our dates would be as they were back in the day..

I reckon he's walked round that shopping centre a dozen times this week, trying to decide who wins a second date with him.

You should feel extremely flattered OP.

I can't believe the women on here who are so desperate for a man they think they should do all the work on the date after being walked round a shopping centre!

My assumption would be that he was looking for a casual hook up. Hence the no effort date. For the short time I did online dating, it was full of men looking for casual sex when they barely knew you. Asking you to come round to theirs or them to yours after just a few short messages isn't uncommon so I would assume that the lack of his effort on his part was to indicate that he wasn't interested in a proper relationship or dating.

Every man knows a woman will assume this so to suggest that a 27 year old with an ex girlfriend doesn't know how to suggest going for food when he is next to restaurants and cafes is farcical.

I once had an awful date - eventually this man I liked agreed to going to the cinema and for a drink afterwards with me. As several posters said, I had to do a lot of the arranging. As we were walking back to my car, he announced "This isn't a date you know". Looking back, I strongly suspect that was code for "I want to have casual sex but not a relationship with you so I'm ready to go back to yours". Unfortunately for him I thought he just didn't like me. I wouldn't have gone back for casual sex after one date anyway.

A walking date is also shit because its quite hard to get to know someone when you can't have a face to face conversation. Whereas going to a cafe or restaurant is more formal, you have to obey rules, sit properly and can have a decent getting to know you conversation. As does doing something else that involves a little more effort.

@pixie5121

when literally anyone in the world would have assume

But they wouldn't. You just think they would, because that's what you would think. There are people on the thread who would not assume this, and you are insisting that everybody would assume this. Can you not see how blind a viewpoint that is? There are people right here disagreeing with you, and you are claiming that 'literally anyone in the world' would agree with you.

You are not seeing what is directly before your eyes.

It's amazing what some people will settle for

🤣A "walking date" is meeting in front of a cafe and then getting whisked off to the loading bays before a brush-off?!

Okay Pickmeisha. So very edifying.

Every dating thread I ever read on MN, the bar is so low it's scraping the floor.

Turns up 20 minutes late and takes her on a 15 minute lap of the staff car park and bin area before suggesting going back to hers and it's the OP's fault it's a shit date because she didn't suggest having a coffee?

Fuck me. If some posters think he deserves another chance after that, romance isn't just dead, it's decomposing badly in one of the bins OP must've walked past on her 'date'.

Unless you would be happy to remain single forever, I don't think you can be sure of that.

This made my day 🤣

pixie5121 at aged 64 and married I am 100% confident that should I be widowed or divorced I would be more than happy to remain single for the rest of my life .

.... although my widowed friend did meet a very nice gentleman in her 70s (the old fashioned way ... through a shared interest) .......

@pixie5121

So you're essentially saying that anyone on the thread (or elsewhere) who doesn't agree with your opinion on this is either low on intelligence or self esteem?

Wow. You just get funnier and funnier

It's hilarious, isn't it?

I meet random people from an internet forum to practise my languages with, often men, and even they do much better than that...in a setting where they don't even have the incentive of a possible shag. I met a nice German guy the other day who chose a beautiful coffee shop to meet in, made sure to get an outside table (I'm still cautious about covid because of health issues and he remembered me saying this from our chat) and insisted on paying for our coffees and pastries, waving away my bank card and telling me I could get it 'next time', even though we might well not meet up again or for a very long time (he's going back to Germany).

Imagine thinking so very little of yourself that you don't even expect this level of effort from a man you've gone on a date with. And thinking it's normal.

@pixie5121

But I'm not even saying she should see him again, or accept that the date was satisfactory for her, or that what he did was ok. I've said to OP that if she didn't enjoy the date, don't see him again. How are you conflating that to 'Pick me'? It really is a conflation, you know.

But I'm sure you'll tell me that all people who use the word 'conflate' are low in intelligence and self esteem, because you don't use it yourself.

Anyway, have a lovely afternoon. I'm sure you'll go on telling everybody what their personal rules ought to be, and I'm sure you'll want the last word.