To be proud of how I dealt with this? TW indecent exposure.

[205wanker]

Today I had walked my puppy and she'd settled and fallen asleep so I took advantage of the moment (if I'd headed home she be doing puppy parkour and I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on the important Mumsnet daily chores.

A car pulled up and parked in the other side of the car park and a mid 20s male got out and started wandering around as though waiting for someone. I did the obvious and didn't make eye contact but I was aware of his presence, and he of mine.

After a short while he moved his car alongside to mine, facing the same way, I thought nothing of it as he'd moved it from a sunny space to a shaded spot.

He then was hanging around the front of his car I thought still waiting to be joined by someone.

Realisation dawned and he's there stroking his penis.

I immediately put phone into record mode and started filming him, sadly I didn't catch the act.

He jumped in his car and gesticulated "what's your issue" at me.

I wound down the window and asked him if he enjoyed intimidating women.

"I was only having a piss"

"no no you were stroking it"

"I didn't know you were in there"

"yes you did, you really did"

"you've got black out windows"

"only on the back, you knew full well I was there"

"I was only having a piss"

"you were doing it deliberately, it's all on dash cam and on this recording - old women don't stand for this shit these days"

He then sped off. And I stopped recording.

I followed him, absolutely raging. No idea what I hoped to achieve but the adrenalin was flowing.

I caught up with him at some lights but lost him after he did and illegal turn after he spotted me.

While at the lights I'd pulled badly over a keep clear area to keep up with him, and a woman trying to get into McDonald's gave me the eyebrow, so I rolled down the window and told her I was following a man who'd just flashed at me. She understood.

I've had lots of glorious puppy cuddles and feel like it's not even going to affect my well being for more than a moment of time, though his face and hairless groin keeps flitting into my consciousness.

I'm at the hairdressers atm, I'll call 101 asaic. His car is taxed, mot-ed and insured so he's likely to be traced, if the police decide to investigate.

Not really sure why I'm posting here but I'm so fucking proud of how I feel. Angry, amused(the old women comment still giving me the chortle), proud that it hasn't
affected my mental state like the previous 4 similar incidents, which left me scared and anxious.

So AIBU to be proud of not letting this gutter critter intimidate me?

@Artwodeetoo

so what she should have done then?

The criminal justice system will decide.

Don’t worry OP. You’ve had a traumatic day. Done everything right. You might feel wiped - so take it easy now.

Thank you on behalf of me, my daughters, sisters, friends and family.

These types do this all the time and escalate to worse.

Thank you again.

Other PPs shame on you.

That's a criminal offence as well. Even if he wasn't doing it in front of anyone. Disgusting, perverted slob.

It's always great in principle to read of the tables being turned on those who harass and abuse others. In terms of risk assessment OP you were likely safer in your car, but I've also been chased in my car by a man who was trying to intimidate me. I think I overtook him or made some perfectly legal driving manoeuvre and it hurt his ego. It was in an unfamiliar city I found myself in a cul-de-sac. There was nothing to do but face him down, which I did, telling him that accosting a lone female driver was a bad idea on his part, that I could tell a few stories that would ruin him for life, and that he'd better believe my side of the story would be better than his. I also photographed him and his car. It was sufficient to get rid, but I was seriously shaken.

Unfortunately the PPs who urge against laughing at their manhood are right. Don't do this. Some are fetishists who are doing it precisely because they want to be humiliated: this is what they get off on.

I'm so, so glad you've reported this man and have a trail potentially leading back to him. Wayne Couzens has shown exactly how these monsters start. I hope sincerely you have given him a few bad moments and deep down I'm pleased you chased him. Adrenaline probably took over: it's more than fine and dandy to be furiously angry with freaks who behave like this. There is something about the brazenness in this story, coupled with the arrogant plausible deniability as though he had an unassailable right, that really bothers me. I doubt it was the first time.

However, pleasure at the turning of the tables on this bloke comes with a caveat: women really, really need to be careful. We have to risk assess constantly, infuriating though it is. Being left the fuck alone by men is not much to ask, yet it's clearly too much, as many are completely incapable.

Try this on with the wrong one and we could end up face down in a ditch.

and solidarity with you, OP.

Good on you op - perverts need to be a bit worried that they're behaviour might turn out to have unexpected consequences.

And ignore the twats on the thread suggesting you should have done stuff differently- sometimes Adrenalin just takes over. There are always posters who second guess everything.

Can't believe the pp trying to say the op has behaved badly. Men wouldn't be expected to quietly accept a random guy masturbating at them and just report it later without showing any reaction at the time.

Well done for reporting and challenging him.
I don't think you should have followed him though. That was pretty pointless and couldn't have aggrevated the situation.

So don’t chase one then. No-one’s asking or expecting you to.

Let the OP make her own risk assessment and decisions.

Anyway …. it’s done now, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

MY POINT EXACTLY!!!

Not follow in the car for starters- what on earth would be achieved by that?

I'm actually wondering if this poster is getting off on making these suggestions? Flashers get a thrill out of doing things in public, of transgressing normal boundaries of behaviour. Thats what this poster is doing. If they live in the UK, they will know urinating in public is illegal (and people have been prosecuted for it) and their suggesting that the OP might have committed sexual assault by filming it is just a pathetic little attempt at third hand intimidation.

As I say, these men get a thrill out of pushing boundaries. I was out cycling one day in the countryside but within sight of a school, and there was a man wanking outside his van. So of course I stopped and shouted at him, reported him to the police and he was convicted. Being scared didn't really seem like a very good option, since I was incandescent with rage when I saw him (and no-one would really take me on when I'm raging) but also if he wanted to attack me, he would have easily followed me in his van, and on balance, he was far less likely to try and attack a raging person than a meek, timid one.

Ditto the man who almost drove his van into me on a narrow country road nearby when I was cycling again so that I had to get off my bike and hold it in front of me to make him stop and then got out of his van and shouted at him - I simply shouted back and also pointed out the camera on the house next to us. He quickly backed down. What would the handmaidens have me done? Be run over? There were high bankings and nowhere else to go.

I'm glad you had the wherewithal to capture the evidence and verbally challenge him. In those sort of situations I tend to freeze and my mind goes blank. Well done!

I have mixed feelings about you following him. It's really satisfying to know that he was rattled by that but I'm uneasy that he drove unsafely as a result. I'm also wondering about the purpose. What would you have done if you'd caught up with him?? You might have been putting yourself in danger or he might just have said " so what" and laughed which would have been infuriating.

@Artwodeetoo

who knows? Op has herself admitted that she wasn’t sure what it would achieve.

that’s not the point though is it?

the point is that this man will have been given the message that he cannot do such things and expect women to just take it lying down and not make a fuss - OP did this beautifully

@honeylulu

Well if he drove unsafely then that’s his fault isn’t it?

you do know that women are not responsible for men’s’ actions don’t you?

Why are people fixating on the OP following this sexual harasser in her car? Look at @AchatAVendre ’s story of another wanker using his van as a weapon against her.

I say brava! To @205wanker fir giving this pathetic excuse for a man a taste of this sort of fear.

Still thrilled (wrong word there) that you turned the tables on this fucker. Ignore everybody on here saying any aspect of what you did was wrong - you did brilliantly under the circumstances.

Not follow in the car for starters- what on earth would be achieved by that?

Scare the shit out of him. That's the whole point. How many more stories do you have to read about men raping & murdering women that start with a history of indecent exposure or other 'minor' acts then escalated because no-one did anything? OP did something, it's that simple.

@LuckySantangelo35

Well if he drove unsafely then that’s his fault isn’t it? you do know that women are not responsible for men’s’ actions don’t you?

Yes of course but intimidating someone in the road might trigger them to drive dangerously. Yes serves him right, he deserves to be intimidated and if he crashed and injured himself then, yes his own fault. But it might have put others in danger besides the wanker.

For me at least it's because it doesn't achieve anything really, and could (1) aggrevate the situation/ put OP in danger and (2) she doesnt' want to give him ammunition against her (harrassment etc). So, to me at least, that wasn't a sensible thing to do. It also featured as a big art of her story, so it's not that strange that people comment on it.

Good for you, glad you stood up to him

Genuinely curious, not trying to be goady , how did you know his car is taxed, mot-ed and insured? Can anyone find these details if you have the registration?

It's the OP's choice how she reacts. That isn't what needs changing in the world is it, women's reactions to sex offences. She's not done anything wrong. The man is the criminal here. Everyone needs to back off from trying to find things that victims of these incidents could have done to stay safer and not put themselves at risk. It infantilises women and takes the spotlight off the actual sex offenders. It doesn't make you any safer if another woman doesn't react at all. He's dangerous either way. We should be able to be in tune with our natural reactions if we are unlucky enough to be in this situation and if that's anger then fair play, that doesn't need coaching out of women. We don't suppress men from defending themselves when under threat and I can't imagine any man just sitting there and not saying anything or reacting if this happened to them. This is why men get away with this crap, it's hard to speak up as a woman as you're expected to handle strangers wanking at you with ladylike meekness.

She's highly unlikely to be any greater danger than she was already in, and she was in a locked car. Then the following his car took place in public which seems again unlikely to lead to any greater danger than a man wanking in front of you. What would be dangerous is to be overly timid and to come across as an easy victim.

I don't think victims of other crimes are generally supposed to be under a duty to act so as not to offend the criminal unduly?

@Friars23 you can check if any car is taxed and MOT’d on the DVLA website (it’s how I realised one of my MOTs was out of date!). Not sure about checking insurance though.

Another one here saying fair play for giving him the shock of his life and not remaining passive.

Thanks @Sapphirejane

'wide eyed naïvete' 😂

I spend most days working with builders. I'm far from naive. I think I'd probs just have laughed at this situation which was almost certainly a confused attempt at dogging.