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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be proud of how I dealt with this? TW indecent exposure.

234 replies

205wanker · 08/06/2022 13:31

Today I had walked my puppy and she'd settled and fallen asleep so I took advantage of the moment (if I'd headed home she be doing puppy parkour and I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on the important Mumsnet daily chores.

A car pulled up and parked in the other side of the car park and a mid 20s male got out and started wandering around as though waiting for someone. I did the obvious and didn't make eye contact but I was aware of his presence, and he of mine.

After a short while he moved his car alongside to mine, facing the same way, I thought nothing of it as he'd moved it from a sunny space to a shaded spot.

He then was hanging around the front of his car I thought still waiting to be joined by someone.

Realisation dawned and he's there stroking his penis.

I immediately put phone into record mode and started filming him, sadly I didn't catch the act.

He jumped in his car and gesticulated "what's your issue" at me.

I wound down the window and asked him if he enjoyed intimidating women.

"I was only having a piss"

"no no you were stroking it"

"I didn't know you were in there"

"yes you did, you really did"

"you've got black out windows"

"only on the back, you knew full well I was there"

"I was only having a piss"

"you were doing it deliberately, it's all on dash cam and on this recording - old women don't stand for this shit these days"

He then sped off. And I stopped recording.

I followed him, absolutely raging. No idea what I hoped to achieve but the adrenalin was flowing.

I caught up with him at some lights but lost him after he did and illegal turn after he spotted me.

While at the lights I'd pulled badly over a keep clear area to keep up with him, and a woman trying to get into McDonald's gave me the eyebrow, so I rolled down the window and told her I was following a man who'd just flashed at me. She understood.

I've had lots of glorious puppy cuddles and feel like it's not even going to affect my well being for more than a moment of time, though his face and hairless groin keeps flitting into my consciousness.

I'm at the hairdressers atm, I'll call 101 asaic. His car is taxed, mot-ed and insured so he's likely to be traced, if the police decide to investigate.

Not really sure why I'm posting here but I'm so fucking proud of how I feel. Angry, amused(the old women comment still giving me the chortle), proud that it hasn't
affected my mental state like the previous 4 similar incidents, which left me scared and anxious.

So AIBU to be proud of not letting this gutter critter intimidate me?

OP posts:
Meraas · 08/06/2022 23:25

TruthHertz · 08/06/2022 22:54

Or to piss between two cars for some privacy.

But he didn’t piss between two cars, he pissed in front of his car. In full view of OP.

AchatAVendre · 08/06/2022 23:42

TruthHertz · 08/06/2022 22:52

Either way, one has definitely sexually assaulted the other, whether it was the young man indecently exposing himself or actually OP attempting to video the penis of an unsuspecting youth taking a pee.

You are suggesting that the OP might have committed sexual assault now? Thats quite the imagination you have there...

oooh, young man!

Sapphirejane · 08/06/2022 23:50

@205wanker Well done! I can understand the following him in the heat of the moment, your adrenaline is pumping etc. I think you handled this amazingly well.

As to the internalised misogyny on this thread, outrageous and disappointing. It is pretty obvious what the man was doing otherwise why not park, get out, go for a piss and drive off? Pissing in public is disgusting on its own anyway.

WineIsMyMainVice · 08/06/2022 23:58

Blossomtoes · 08/06/2022 13:45

Good for you @205wanker. Ignore the pp trying to detract from what you did. I’m proud of you.

So am I!! (Proud of you!) Well done you!!
just ignore all the people who seem to want to focus on some minor driving infringement in a time warrior womanhood!! Good on you for letting this loser know that it’s absolutely not ok!!!

noodlezoodle · 09/06/2022 00:30

I love you @205wanker

Obimumkinobi · 09/06/2022 00:58

Well done, OP! I bet he shat his frilly pants! And as if having a piss right in front of you is so much more acceptable?!

As to whether chasing him was foolish, I guess you made an (adrenaline-filled!) judgement call at the time? Years ago I was groped in a night club and without thinking I turned and pushed the man up against the wall and shouted in his face. I too accept this was risky but he just looked shocked because, like your flasher, he wasn't used to mere woman "not taking that shit".

It's not a path I would readily take again, nor would I encourage my daughter to, but sometimes it happens.

Do make sure you report him though, as a visit from Plod whilst he's scrubbing his gusset will remind him to keep his bits to himself.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 09/06/2022 01:06

@205wanker well done, OP!

You took action, you didn’t do anything illegal, and you appear to have intimidated him somewhat yourself! Good job!

Please ignore the hand maidens with internalised misogyny and the MRAs on this thread. They are pretty easy to spot.

BreadInCaptivity · 09/06/2022 01:08

Forget the driving derail OP... you were STELLAR!!!!

These buggers thrive on intimidation and don't expect to be challenged.

I'd have followed him also (not saying that is a good idea) but I'd be "right back at you".

I got flashed at 16 by a man in his 40's I estimated at the time.

I just went full on fury yelling at him that he was a dirty bugger and shouting that he should be ashamed of himself.

He ran off and I ran after him still yelling - full of adrenaline I think - so I get it.

RenegadeMatron · 09/06/2022 01:21

TruthHertz · 08/06/2022 22:46

Are you sure he wasn't stroking it to get the last few drops of urine out? This can be done and some uncircumcised men do it to stop it dribbling after taking a leak.

Cop on to yourself.

You’re coming across as either mind-boggling stupid, incredibly naive, or wilfully disingenuous.

Which one of those ^^ do you want to be? I suspect the latter.

Topseyt123 · 09/06/2022 03:16

I say well done you! Women mustn't continue to put up with this shit.

crochetmonkey74 · 09/06/2022 07:08

This is what women should do to all these pervs. Loud voices, follow them , bully them back

Moosake · 09/06/2022 07:15

crochetmonkey74 · 09/06/2022 07:08

This is what women should do to all these pervs. Loud voices, follow them , bully them back

But they also shouldn't feel guilty or bad if they can't bring themselves to do this

crochetmonkey74 · 09/06/2022 07:40

Moosake · 09/06/2022 07:15

But they also shouldn't feel guilty or bad if they can't bring themselves to do this

Show quote history

Of course!
But if you're a loud one who can, you should without have idiots on threads like this tell you off

Neverendingdust · 09/06/2022 07:58

Sounds horrible OP. But couldn’t he turn around and say you were harassing him by following behind? It’s your word against his ultimately.

MsTSwift · 09/06/2022 08:06

“An unsuspecting youth” that is too funny! How do you live in the real world functioning at that level of wide eyed naïveté !

GabriellaMontez · 09/06/2022 08:14

I love that you completely turned the tables on him. I hope it's really given him something to think about next time he thinks about doing something like this.

Ignore the handmaidens who can't t resist fixating on a minor driving transgression even in light of a sexual assault.

GabriellaMontez · 09/06/2022 08:19

Neverendingdust · 09/06/2022 07:58

Sounds horrible OP. But couldn’t he turn around and say you were harassing him by following behind? It’s your word against his ultimately.

He could... but it's all on video. I don't think he'll be too keen on this idea!

GabriellaMontez · 09/06/2022 08:25

TruthHertz · 08/06/2022 22:46

Are you sure he wasn't stroking it to get the last few drops of urine out? This can be done and some uncircumcised men do it to stop it dribbling after taking a leak.

Yes on reflection this is probably what he was doing. 🤣🤣 totally reasonable then.

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/06/2022 08:34

TruthHertz · 08/06/2022 22:46

Are you sure he wasn't stroking it to get the last few drops of urine out? This can be done and some uncircumcised men do it to stop it dribbling after taking a leak.

@TruthHertz

FFS I think op knows the difference between wanking and pissing.

Stop trying to gaslight her.

Ffoxx · 09/06/2022 08:35

'Ignore the handmaidens who can't t resist fixating on a minor driving transgression even in light of a sexual assault.'

I'm not a 'handmaiden'. I just don't think chasing a sex offender in what could have ended up in a road rage incident is the best way to have dealt with it. Particularly as she had footage of him to give to the police.

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/06/2022 08:37

All these women on here fixating on OP’s driving and castigating her for retaliating rather than demurely diverting her eyes and ignoring him as women are conditioned to do….

Well, patriarchy has really done a number on you hasn’t it??!

Feel sorry for you

Ffoxx · 09/06/2022 08:45

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/06/2022 08:37

All these women on here fixating on OP’s driving and castigating her for retaliating rather than demurely diverting her eyes and ignoring him as women are conditioned to do….

Well, patriarchy has really done a number on you hasn’t it??!

Feel sorry for you

Who has said overt eyes, be demure waah waah? Rather safety should always come first and chasing sex offenders is a stupid thing to do when you've no idea how they will react.
Again, she had footage you go to the police.

Buildingthefuture · 09/06/2022 08:47

I’m sat here cheering for you op! Well done. These sad fuckers get off on making women feel afraid. It’s fear they want so don’t bloody give it to them (if you can, I know some people just freeze). I’ve been flashed at a few times, I either go bananas shouting or once I just looked at it and said I’d give it 2/10 and if I was him I’d keep it hidden. He shuffled off, dick still in hand!!! We laugh about it, but it’s bloody awful and often a precursor to a more serious offence. WTAF is wrong with these men????

LuckySantangelo35 · 09/06/2022 08:50

Ffoxx · 09/06/2022 08:45

Who has said overt eyes, be demure waah waah? Rather safety should always come first and chasing sex offenders is a stupid thing to do when you've no idea how they will react.
Again, she had footage you go to the police.

Show quote history

@Ffoxx

she was in her car, not on foot

she was safe

Artwodeetoo · 09/06/2022 08:54

I agree with reporting for flashing and for driving recklessly, but he probably got off on you questioning him.