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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be proud of how I dealt with this? TW indecent exposure.

234 replies

205wanker · 08/06/2022 13:31

Today I had walked my puppy and she'd settled and fallen asleep so I took advantage of the moment (if I'd headed home she be doing puppy parkour and I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on the important Mumsnet daily chores.

A car pulled up and parked in the other side of the car park and a mid 20s male got out and started wandering around as though waiting for someone. I did the obvious and didn't make eye contact but I was aware of his presence, and he of mine.

After a short while he moved his car alongside to mine, facing the same way, I thought nothing of it as he'd moved it from a sunny space to a shaded spot.

He then was hanging around the front of his car I thought still waiting to be joined by someone.

Realisation dawned and he's there stroking his penis.

I immediately put phone into record mode and started filming him, sadly I didn't catch the act.

He jumped in his car and gesticulated "what's your issue" at me.

I wound down the window and asked him if he enjoyed intimidating women.

"I was only having a piss"

"no no you were stroking it"

"I didn't know you were in there"

"yes you did, you really did"

"you've got black out windows"

"only on the back, you knew full well I was there"

"I was only having a piss"

"you were doing it deliberately, it's all on dash cam and on this recording - old women don't stand for this shit these days"

He then sped off. And I stopped recording.

I followed him, absolutely raging. No idea what I hoped to achieve but the adrenalin was flowing.

I caught up with him at some lights but lost him after he did and illegal turn after he spotted me.

While at the lights I'd pulled badly over a keep clear area to keep up with him, and a woman trying to get into McDonald's gave me the eyebrow, so I rolled down the window and told her I was following a man who'd just flashed at me. She understood.

I've had lots of glorious puppy cuddles and feel like it's not even going to affect my well being for more than a moment of time, though his face and hairless groin keeps flitting into my consciousness.

I'm at the hairdressers atm, I'll call 101 asaic. His car is taxed, mot-ed and insured so he's likely to be traced, if the police decide to investigate.

Not really sure why I'm posting here but I'm so fucking proud of how I feel. Angry, amused(the old women comment still giving me the chortle), proud that it hasn't
affected my mental state like the previous 4 similar incidents, which left me scared and anxious.

So AIBU to be proud of not letting this gutter critter intimidate me?

OP posts:
Sweepingeyelashes · 08/06/2022 14:00

I think you should possibly have emulated elderly mother who told a flasher she had seen bigger earthworms. This is more dignified than an argument about just what he was doing with his penis. Rushing after him in a car was pretty pointless and possibly dangerous - even if your driving was impeccable his driving with you in pursuit may not have been. A number plate would have been more useful to take down.

JogOnJimmy · 08/06/2022 14:00

Good for you @205wanker , you probably put the wind up his sails by following him
I hope you are ok when the adrenaline starts to drop off
Great response!

CaptSkippy · 08/06/2022 14:00

OP, I loved reading your post. You are an inspiration. That effing creep got what he deserved. I hope he was properly scared and will be picked up by the police soon.

SpinstileTurnstile · 08/06/2022 14:03

Hopefully he's shitting himself.

Glad you're OK, OP. You've basically done the police's job for them.

If they decline to investigate further, please let your Police and Crime Commissioner know.

205wanker · 08/06/2022 14:03

My hindsight conversation is "that's like a penis, only smaller" but obviously that didn't come out in the moment 😬

OP posts:
205wanker · 08/06/2022 14:04

Sweepingeyelashes · 08/06/2022 14:00

I think you should possibly have emulated elderly mother who told a flasher she had seen bigger earthworms. This is more dignified than an argument about just what he was doing with his penis. Rushing after him in a car was pretty pointless and possibly dangerous - even if your driving was impeccable his driving with you in pursuit may not have been. A number plate would have been more useful to take down.

Yes number plate on video. And I've checked it out, it's valid 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

OP posts:
JemimaHumdrum · 08/06/2022 14:06

Or just point at it and start laughing.

lillyrabbit · 08/06/2022 14:06

I was flashed once many years ago while walking home from a friend's house quite late at night - I was really frightened by it but fortunately the friend I was with wasn't and she gave him both barrels. It's definitely the best way to deal with it, they're hoping to frighten and intimidate you and really don't like it when the tables are turned! Hopefully it'll never happen to me again but if it does I will be shouting at the top of my lungs.

godmum56 · 08/06/2022 14:07

yay for you I am so proud of you.

QuebecBagnet · 08/06/2022 14:07

Good for you. This is how that murdering scumbag copper started. Hope the police take it seriously

ofwarren · 08/06/2022 14:08

Excellent! I'm proud of you too!
Well done OP Flowers

10HailMarys · 08/06/2022 14:08

Good on you - and I think you were right to follow him in the car, actually. It would have really rattled him and it might make him less likely to offend again.

Blueberrywitch · 08/06/2022 14:10

Well done OP and ignore the miserable detractors

GreenCard · 08/06/2022 14:10

Now definitely report him and give the police a full account and details. If you haven’t got his number plate they can get it from the Mac Donald’s CCTV.

Eddielizzard · 08/06/2022 14:12

Well done. He'll think twice next time. Hopefully..

LuaDipa · 08/06/2022 14:12

I think you did amazingly well to keep your wits about you like that op. Now rather that you being scared or put about as he wanted, he will be the one sat at home shitting himself. That’s a win in my book.

And he chose to do an illegal turn, op didn’t make him. By the same token you could argue that if he hadn’t chosen to get his jollies in front of op in the first place, she wouldn’t have been following him.

Definitely report op. I’m not sure anything will be done but this pervert needs to at least be on someone’s radar.

Inkyblue123 · 08/06/2022 14:15

Well done OP. Men only behave like this when they think they can get away with it. Please do report it , as others have said the likes of Wayne Couzens and his ilk started off like this.

WhatIsThisPlease · 08/06/2022 14:16

Good work OP!!

I hope I'd behave in the same way if I ever found myself in that situation!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

ApertureGLaDOS · 08/06/2022 14:16

I think you did the right thing.

A few weeks ago a colleague phoned me in tears as a young man was stroking himself in the seat next to her on public transport. I have no doubt that he'll do it again as he got the reaction he wanted. What you did may give him pause for ever trying that again.

Overthewine · 08/06/2022 14:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

DeaconBoo · 08/06/2022 14:17

Laughing at aggressive/ defensive men might be dangerous (I'm furious this is the case - we should be able to point and laugh at pathetic dickhead behaviour) - i think reporting with as much info as you have is by far the most effective course of action.

goldfinchonthelawn · 08/06/2022 14:19

I can see exactly why you chased him. Men are not used to being pursued by threatening women. it reversed his power play. I thjink you did right to follow him and scare the shit out of him. He might think twice about doing it again. The (literal) tosser.

DOBARDAN · 08/06/2022 14:20

Good for you OP
You turned the situation around and gave him something to be scared of

EnterACloud · 08/06/2022 14:21

Loving that people feel the need to critique what you did or suggest you respond with more dignity. I for one salute you as someone pragmatically helping to catch a dangerous sex offender. These bastards need locking up. Thank you.

Moosake · 08/06/2022 14:25

You'd got enough without following him. Police are trained in pursuit. Anyway nice one hope the police get him.