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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be proud of how I dealt with this? TW indecent exposure.

234 replies

205wanker · 08/06/2022 13:31

Today I had walked my puppy and she'd settled and fallen asleep so I took advantage of the moment (if I'd headed home she be doing puppy parkour and I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on the important Mumsnet daily chores.

A car pulled up and parked in the other side of the car park and a mid 20s male got out and started wandering around as though waiting for someone. I did the obvious and didn't make eye contact but I was aware of his presence, and he of mine.

After a short while he moved his car alongside to mine, facing the same way, I thought nothing of it as he'd moved it from a sunny space to a shaded spot.

He then was hanging around the front of his car I thought still waiting to be joined by someone.

Realisation dawned and he's there stroking his penis.

I immediately put phone into record mode and started filming him, sadly I didn't catch the act.

He jumped in his car and gesticulated "what's your issue" at me.

I wound down the window and asked him if he enjoyed intimidating women.

"I was only having a piss"

"no no you were stroking it"

"I didn't know you were in there"

"yes you did, you really did"

"you've got black out windows"

"only on the back, you knew full well I was there"

"I was only having a piss"

"you were doing it deliberately, it's all on dash cam and on this recording - old women don't stand for this shit these days"

He then sped off. And I stopped recording.

I followed him, absolutely raging. No idea what I hoped to achieve but the adrenalin was flowing.

I caught up with him at some lights but lost him after he did and illegal turn after he spotted me.

While at the lights I'd pulled badly over a keep clear area to keep up with him, and a woman trying to get into McDonald's gave me the eyebrow, so I rolled down the window and told her I was following a man who'd just flashed at me. She understood.

I've had lots of glorious puppy cuddles and feel like it's not even going to affect my well being for more than a moment of time, though his face and hairless groin keeps flitting into my consciousness.

I'm at the hairdressers atm, I'll call 101 asaic. His car is taxed, mot-ed and insured so he's likely to be traced, if the police decide to investigate.

Not really sure why I'm posting here but I'm so fucking proud of how I feel. Angry, amused(the old women comment still giving me the chortle), proud that it hasn't
affected my mental state like the previous 4 similar incidents, which left me scared and anxious.

So AIBU to be proud of not letting this gutter critter intimidate me?

OP posts:
namechangetheworld · 08/06/2022 20:00

Well done for getting it on camera and reporting him. Hopefully the arsehole gets what's coming to him.

Chasing him was fucking idiotic though, and certainly not something we should be encouraging. Either of you could have caused an accident, he could have tried to ram your car, got out and lamped you, anything.

RenegadeMatron · 08/06/2022 20:08

I really hope this did actually happen - you’re a legend, if so, OP.

Not so much fun being on the receiving end of intimidation, is it?

RenegadeMatron · 08/06/2022 20:10

Women are at a point now where they can and will retaliate to such heinous acts

YES

Hallyup89 · 08/06/2022 20:12

You're an idiot. He wasn't intimidating, clearly. If anything, you were. It's not clever to be proud of yourself for driving recklessly after some bloke who'd already moved away from you.

Burgoo · 08/06/2022 20:14

I am confused about what you were looking to achieve following him. Whilst we can't tell, some people can be really dangerous. I'd probably advise against following someone and recording them as there are many men (and women) that would just give you a good punch.

The other thing is you chased after a person, in your car, as a civilian and didn't have the power/right to be pursuing him. If someone is trying to get away and you pursue, it may look like harassment even though your intentions were more than noble. It isn't your job to police other people's behaviours - call the police and leave it with them. Get the registration number and leave it to them. If you had gotten into a crash with him he could claim you were chasing him. If you approached him and he lashed out, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on. He would claim you were chasing him and he was acting in self-defence.

"So he punched you in the face?"

"Yes your honour"

"Why were you in the area at the time?"

"I was chasing him because he was wanking and I wanted to show solidarity with a woman I saw in the area"

"So you pursued him, even though he committed a sexual offense? Do you have a warrant card?"

"Yes and no I don't your honor"...

Was he definitely stroking himself? Public urination is a crime in itself but accusing someone of exposing themselves is something else entirely. I suspect if you didn't get it on camera it may well be there isn't a case to answer. Given that you have to PROVE that he was doing it. You also make a huge number of assumptions here; he may well have actually believed he wasn't being seen.

Regardless its shitty behaviour on his part. Keep...your...genitals...in...your...pants!! This isn't hard to understand!

BTW please know I'm not defending his awful behaviour. Just know that going Rambo on someone and chasing them in your car isn't smart, legal or safe.

Ffoxx · 08/06/2022 20:15

SpinstileTurnstile · 08/06/2022 18:52

Maybe if more 'flashing' men got metaphorically booted up the bollocks they'd behave better.

'Behave better'? Sex offenders don't tend to get scared off by women chasing them, I bet he was thrilled. Next time the op may not be so lucky and someone could turn on her or she could have caused an accident.

Take reg numbers and report it to people trained in these things.

Burgoo · 08/06/2022 20:15

@RenegadeMatron

Until they get battered for chasing someone and then it's unfair.

blueishvase · 08/06/2022 20:22

burgoo You're missing the point of the thread, completely. She drove after him, she wasn't tearing up lawns and driving through fences.

She also told him off, reported it to the police etc.

Can we all celebrate that without the little lecture? Obviously in an ideal world none of this would have happened but he started it.

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/06/2022 20:26

Burgoo · 08/06/2022 20:14

I am confused about what you were looking to achieve following him. Whilst we can't tell, some people can be really dangerous. I'd probably advise against following someone and recording them as there are many men (and women) that would just give you a good punch.

The other thing is you chased after a person, in your car, as a civilian and didn't have the power/right to be pursuing him. If someone is trying to get away and you pursue, it may look like harassment even though your intentions were more than noble. It isn't your job to police other people's behaviours - call the police and leave it with them. Get the registration number and leave it to them. If you had gotten into a crash with him he could claim you were chasing him. If you approached him and he lashed out, you wouldn't have a leg to stand on. He would claim you were chasing him and he was acting in self-defence.

"So he punched you in the face?"

"Yes your honour"

"Why were you in the area at the time?"

"I was chasing him because he was wanking and I wanted to show solidarity with a woman I saw in the area"

"So you pursued him, even though he committed a sexual offense? Do you have a warrant card?"

"Yes and no I don't your honor"...

Was he definitely stroking himself? Public urination is a crime in itself but accusing someone of exposing themselves is something else entirely. I suspect if you didn't get it on camera it may well be there isn't a case to answer. Given that you have to PROVE that he was doing it. You also make a huge number of assumptions here; he may well have actually believed he wasn't being seen.

Regardless its shitty behaviour on his part. Keep...your...genitals...in...your...pants!! This isn't hard to understand!

BTW please know I'm not defending his awful behaviour. Just know that going Rambo on someone and chasing them in your car isn't smart, legal or safe.

@Burgoo

”BTW please know I'm not defending his awful behaviour.”

Erm you could have fooled me

MsTSwift · 08/06/2022 20:28

“He wasn’t intimidating”?!

Are you thick? Wanking at someone is the very definition of intimidating!

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/06/2022 20:29

Hallyup89 · 08/06/2022 20:12

You're an idiot. He wasn't intimidating, clearly. If anything, you were. It's not clever to be proud of yourself for driving recklessly after some bloke who'd already moved away from you.

@Hallyup89

What the fuck?!?

Where to even start with your post, it’s so awful

“He wasn’t intimidating”. Can you explain this statement? It’a indecent exposure, behaviour that men engage in precisely to intimidate women.

Also she didn’t drive recklessly if you actually read her posts.

I could go on.

Bottom line is though - you’re an idiot

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 08/06/2022 20:30

Well done, OP. I'm proud of you!

Can't believe all the shit you're getting. There's no predicting how we'll behave when our adrenaline's up.

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/06/2022 20:30

MsTSwift · 08/06/2022 20:28

“He wasn’t intimidating”?!

Are you thick? Wanking at someone is the very definition of intimidating!

yeah I think he/she is very thick

@Hallyup89

Mama2Alfie · 08/06/2022 20:33

You should definitely be proud of how you dealt with it! But please don’t expect much from the police - last year I reported a man full on masturbating at the side of a very busy road, in view of queues of traffic and children coming out of school - they literally did nothing.

goldfinchonthelawn · 08/06/2022 20:35

7eleven · 08/06/2022 19:33

Bravo OP. Straighten your crown.

I think you could have spared us knowledge of his ‘hairless groin’ though. 😱😂

I like to think that if I found myself in this situation, I’d put my best Miss Jean Brodie voice on and say “Put it away. nobody wants to see that!”

Haha. You've reminded me. My mum had a very genteel Edinburgh friend who, when she was flashed at, looked at the penis and said kindly, 'Oh dear. Well, never mind.'

crochetmonkey74 · 08/06/2022 20:37

You know what pisses me off the most ?
Man flashes dick at another man. Male victim punches him to much applause and cries of 'I would have done the same mate etc etc ' but woman victim must not chase, shout, be violent. Must also assume that pervy man might be ill/old/got dementia/sad/confused/caught in an accident. Why is it accepted that men shouldn't be sexually assaulted and therefore might act out yet women should be quiet victims

Butterbean9 · 08/06/2022 20:39

Well done, I'm proud of you!
I hope you put the fear of God in him and he'll think twice about doing anything like it again.

And for someone to say you could have made him cause an accident - sorry, he made his own choices. Women aren't responsible for the actions of men.

Thewayis · 08/06/2022 20:42

I'm proud of you too, OP.

You may well have stopped him committing another offence by confronting him and following him - thank you. I hope I'd react the same!

Thewayis · 08/06/2022 20:45

Why is it accepted that men shouldn't be sexually assaulted and therefore might act out yet women should be quiet victims

This!

Women are 'supposed' to stay quiet and non confrontational at all times, even when we are confronted and assaulted. It's a dangerous ideology in a patriarchal society and it needs to change.

As women we need to stand up for purselves and never apologise for that. Again, well done OP.

AmbushedByCake1 · 08/06/2022 20:46

Bravo op. You may have deterred him from doing it to someone else. Ignore all the weird judgy people on this thread.

Mildoom · 08/06/2022 21:03

Screw the naysayers! Screw the patriarchy!

You’ve won the internet today and I am very proud of you lady! 💪

gamerchick · 08/06/2022 21:11

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/06/2022 19:40

@gamerchick

But your comment is just not welcome on this thread.

Why aren’t you championing a woman who has taken a stand against a sexually aggressive man??? That is what you should be doing rather than trying to pick holes in Op, she did not speed or do any turn or anything like that, she followed him in order to help him realise that the shite he pulled is completely unacceptable.

You be meek and mild all you want, but I think based on this thread you’re in the minority…and hallelujah for that!!

Bless your heart man. I'll post where I like. Driving so it raises eyebrows isn't cool. That's the only thing I said was U. But you keep rambling on hinny, I'm not that arsed.

MsTSwift · 08/06/2022 21:15

I like the idea that if you flash your dick at anyone all bets are off and anything can be then be done to you. Quite right. Might give the pervs pause for thought. Kind of hoping I get flashed at whilst carrying my tennis racket….

RenegadeMatron · 08/06/2022 21:18

Burgoo · 08/06/2022 20:15

@RenegadeMatron

Until they get battered for chasing someone and then it's unfair.

She was inside her car!

You know, with locks on the door, and the accelerator pedal at the end of her foot.

Meraas · 08/06/2022 21:24

@gamerchick what are you on about? She wasn’t driving to raise eyebrows.

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