To be proud of how I dealt with this? TW indecent exposure.

[205wanker]

Today I had walked my puppy and she'd settled and fallen asleep so I took advantage of the moment (if I'd headed home she be doing puppy parkour and I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on the important Mumsnet daily chores.

A car pulled up and parked in the other side of the car park and a mid 20s male got out and started wandering around as though waiting for someone. I did the obvious and didn't make eye contact but I was aware of his presence, and he of mine.

After a short while he moved his car alongside to mine, facing the same way, I thought nothing of it as he'd moved it from a sunny space to a shaded spot.

He then was hanging around the front of his car I thought still waiting to be joined by someone.

Realisation dawned and he's there stroking his penis.

I immediately put phone into record mode and started filming him, sadly I didn't catch the act.

He jumped in his car and gesticulated "what's your issue" at me.

I wound down the window and asked him if he enjoyed intimidating women.

"I was only having a piss"

"no no you were stroking it"

"I didn't know you were in there"

"yes you did, you really did"

"you've got black out windows"

"only on the back, you knew full well I was there"

"I was only having a piss"

"you were doing it deliberately, it's all on dash cam and on this recording - old women don't stand for this shit these days"

He then sped off. And I stopped recording.

I followed him, absolutely raging. No idea what I hoped to achieve but the adrenalin was flowing.

I caught up with him at some lights but lost him after he did and illegal turn after he spotted me.

While at the lights I'd pulled badly over a keep clear area to keep up with him, and a woman trying to get into McDonald's gave me the eyebrow, so I rolled down the window and told her I was following a man who'd just flashed at me. She understood.

I've had lots of glorious puppy cuddles and feel like it's not even going to affect my well being for more than a moment of time, though his face and hairless groin keeps flitting into my consciousness.

I'm at the hairdressers atm, I'll call 101 asaic. His car is taxed, mot-ed and insured so he's likely to be traced, if the police decide to investigate.

Not really sure why I'm posting here but I'm so fucking proud of how I feel. Angry, amused(the old women comment still giving me the chortle), proud that it hasn't
affected my mental state like the previous 4 similar incidents, which left me scared and anxious.

So AIBU to be proud of not letting this gutter critter intimidate me?

You're brilliant and did the right thing. The amount of victim blaming on here is incredible. You have a perfect right to go after someone who is committing a sexual offence. If more people did this, it might make the w#nkers think twice. Proud of you 👏

Just an update.

I've not heard from the police yet.

And my mental health has taken a tumble.

The image of him keeps popping up in my mind, and I see his face on male strangers.

My mind is revisiting previous similar incidents, too.

All that hype and pride immediately after the incident has dissipated and I'm now in a pretty low place.

What a bastard. An actual depraved intimidating effective bastard.

sad

Tell yourself you handled it.

It's weird, when I was a teenage schoolgirl, we got flashed at almost every day. No exaggeration. A man down the street used to wait until he heard our voices then sweep open his curtains, stark naked. He progressed to sitting on the bottom steps of his flat, wanking behind the door but with a mirror set up so we could see his reflection. We told my parents but this was 1970s and the response was just, 'Oh, ignore him.' A few times we got flashed at more aggressively in the park and it was a shock. We screamed and felt unsettled for an hour or so but recovered. Because we were trained to belittle it (told it was a harmless crime, which isn't true - flashers often escalate) I just can't feel scared by men who flash. In my twenties I lived in Paris and men got their willies out all over the place. It was rife on the Metro, down by the Seine. When I see flashers I just think, 'What a loser.' They have no power over me and I'm glad of that.

While it is important that we see flashing as a very serious crime and an indication of sexual predatory behaviour, it does concern me that women now are encouraged to feel traumatised by such events. It's another way of keeping us in our place, telling us we can't handle the world. you did handle it. You stoof up to the little fecker. If you feel hyper vigilant, seeing him in men on the street, turn it around and tell yourself: I'm onto you mate. I'm tracking you down. Try not to let victimhood take hold.

That's a bit much OP.

A guy flashed you. He is awful. It's disgusting. But you're fine. You're not traumatised. Nothing seriously bad happened to you. You're not in any danger.

Men doing that do need to be punished. It needs to be taken seriously because it came escalate to other behaviour and it makes the world an uncomfortable and intimidating place for women because of the fear that if can escalate and the knowledge that these men are using women without consent for their gratification. It is wrong.

But you're fine. Seeing his face on men everywhere and being this disturbed by what is a mundane event.... that's worrying and perhaps you should speak to someone.

Your adrenaline crashed, bloody shocking the Police haven’t followed this up, they have all the details they need!

How the hell do you know the OP isn't traumatized? Men who do this are threatening, intimidating, and frankly bloody terrifying. Yes, so they're pathetic and sad, but IME those are often the most dangerous ones. They are showing you they have power over you, and suggestive of the kind of direction that power could take if exercised. It's also a documented fact that those who go on to commit far more serious offences often start out with these.

This 'man' was absolutely brazen. Behaving like this in the open, the fact that he argued and faced OP down, the whole plausible deniability aspect (the latter of which suggests an element of planning for the eventuality of being caught).

In no one's universe is this not an incredibly frightening situation. It's not for you to tell anyone else how they should feel.

Yes stop belittling the OP’s reaction. Out of order. 😡

@205wankerI’m so sorry this has brought up a lot of feelings for you. I hope you’re OK. You’ve been really brave and on behalf of other women and girls thank you for giving that wanker a fright.

The image of him keeps popping up in my mind, and I see his face on male strangers.

So sorry to read this @205wanker

I was once violently mugged in the street (I remember thinking "Well that wasn't too bad. I could have been raped" as I mopped my bleeding nose), and a psychologist friend of mine explained the way my brain was likely to work over the next few weeks. Because he went through the "natural" reaction of my brain in processing a violent assault, it wasn't too scary.

He explained I was likely to get flashbacks, and disturbed and vivid dreams. THat this was "normal" and was helping me to process the attack.

So when I did get weird psychedelic flashbacks, or flashbacks in a sort of colour negative, and disturbed dreams (I usually never remember my dreams!) I was prepared and not scared.

I hope this helps.
What's happening to you is your brain processing a violent event, in which you acted very bravely (far better than me - when the toerag beat me about the head, all I could do was scream).

The flashbacks will pass. Tell yourself it's your brain helping you to process.

Perhaps you should speak to someone about your inability to empathise.