To be proud of how I dealt with this? TW indecent exposure.

[205wanker]

Today I had walked my puppy and she'd settled and fallen asleep so I took advantage of the moment (if I'd headed home she be doing puppy parkour and I wouldn't have been able to concentrate on the important Mumsnet daily chores.

A car pulled up and parked in the other side of the car park and a mid 20s male got out and started wandering around as though waiting for someone. I did the obvious and didn't make eye contact but I was aware of his presence, and he of mine.

After a short while he moved his car alongside to mine, facing the same way, I thought nothing of it as he'd moved it from a sunny space to a shaded spot.

He then was hanging around the front of his car I thought still waiting to be joined by someone.

Realisation dawned and he's there stroking his penis.

I immediately put phone into record mode and started filming him, sadly I didn't catch the act.

He jumped in his car and gesticulated "what's your issue" at me.

I wound down the window and asked him if he enjoyed intimidating women.

"I was only having a piss"

"no no you were stroking it"

"I didn't know you were in there"

"yes you did, you really did"

"you've got black out windows"

"only on the back, you knew full well I was there"

"I was only having a piss"

"you were doing it deliberately, it's all on dash cam and on this recording - old women don't stand for this shit these days"

He then sped off. And I stopped recording.

I followed him, absolutely raging. No idea what I hoped to achieve but the adrenalin was flowing.

I caught up with him at some lights but lost him after he did and illegal turn after he spotted me.

While at the lights I'd pulled badly over a keep clear area to keep up with him, and a woman trying to get into McDonald's gave me the eyebrow, so I rolled down the window and told her I was following a man who'd just flashed at me. She understood.

I've had lots of glorious puppy cuddles and feel like it's not even going to affect my well being for more than a moment of time, though his face and hairless groin keeps flitting into my consciousness.

I'm at the hairdressers atm, I'll call 101 asaic. His car is taxed, mot-ed and insured so he's likely to be traced, if the police decide to investigate.

Not really sure why I'm posting here but I'm so fucking proud of how I feel. Angry, amused(the old women comment still giving me the chortle), proud that it hasn't
affected my mental state like the previous 4 similar incidents, which left me scared and anxious.

So AIBU to be proud of not letting this gutter critter intimidate me?

This^

I would have done the same. I'm 50 this year and give zero fucks for tolerating this sort of shit.

She reacted how she reacted. Sometimes you just do stuff like that. When I was in my early 20s and a keen cyclist I was stopped at traffic lights when a creep grabbed my arse and ran off. I chased him down and was going to smack him one but he got away. In hindsight, it wasn't a good idea but that's what happened in the moment.

This needs to become a thing - standing up to disgusting twats who flash women, rather than being scared or paralysed by fear which is what happened to me. Good on you, OP.

I agree. I was also too scared. It's the fear of being attacked and over powered if you try anything. Nothing would have made me more happy than to smack my flasher in the bits with my riding whip, but sadly he outweighed me by a lot, at least double my size (I was 14).
Tougher sentences are needed (although in all honesty I wish they'd just lop the bloody thing off so they can't flash it anymore!)

Well done, and well done for giving chase, these men might realise we are not taking this shit anymore.

This makes me think of the first time I ever got flashed - I was about 15 and gardening with my mum some way from the house. This guy came out of the bushes by the garden and started wanking with a weird threatening look on his face. My mum and I burst out laughing and mum then threw a rock at him and yelled at him to fuck off (still laughing ha!). It didn't hit him but I've never seen a man look so deflated 😅

Well done OP! As others have said, they get off on fear.

It's not going to be a thing. You can't change people's fear response.

Sounds like you intimidated him in the way he intended to intimidate you! Tables were turned on this slimy bastard. Definitely report him and WELL DONE!

What is the best response then ?

Do the police investigate men wanking nowadays? It happened to me three times when I was younger. (20 years ago) I reported it but the police weren't interested.

Well done for not allowing him to frighten or shock you. He’ll now be frightened of the police turning up…😊

Good for you, OP. I'm not sure I would've followed him once I'd got sufficient information to identify him (film/photo, car reg) but I'm equally sure that adrenalin kicked in and you weren't necessarily thinking about your own safety when you went after him. Glad you stood up for all of us & I'd be really proud of you if I knew you. Equally glad that it didn't end in a nasty confrontation!

I listen to loads of true crime podcasts and so many rapists and serial killers start off by flashing/ peeping Tom behaviour, then it escalates.

Society generally considers this behaviour a "nuisance" or "just a dirty old man", but it is serious behaviour. I'm glad you stood up to him. I don't know what I would have done in your position, but my 13 year old DD would almost certainly have been terrified/confused/ embarrassed. So I am appreciative that you felt you could stand up to him.

I wouldn't have followed him, assuming I'd got the reg before/as he left, but otherwise bravo.

Dont put yourself in unnecessary harm's way with unpredictable types who clearly don't follow social norms! I'm glad you feel empowered rather than upset, which is what he wanted

Why didn't you call the police while he was doing it?

I really don't see what there is to boast about. If anything it probably gave him even more of a thrill. You were no scared, so what? It's not about proving your worth.

You were just lucky he wasn't complete mental case that decided that the next step was branding a knife.

The best action is just to ignore completely and leave. No acknowledgement will be much more a deterrent than reacting to it, fear or not.

You are seriously suggesting ignoring people who are committing sexual crimes right in front of you?

This sort of attitude is why they risk such activities.

I hope the waste of space is shivering at home terrified of the police coming.
In the early 1980's a friend of mine was flashed at, he was masturbating too. We were only 13 at the time and it affected her for years. She was absolutely terrified he was going to attack her.

Well done! @205wanker you did really well. Ignore the pp quibbling with you about driving after him. A lot of men who like to terrorise or harass women do it via their driving - tailgating, following etc. Good for him to get a taste of his own medicine

Well done! I first got flashed by a wanker when i was about 7 in a supermarket.... He was so skilful at catching my eye, he would have done it so many times. Ignore the usual boring berating types on here OP, you have made my inner 7 year old very happy and I hope he gets arrested for indecent exposure.

I read an article some years ago which said most rapists begin by flashing. You could’ve saved someone from much worse. Well done OP, be proud, be very, very, proud.

Well done, OP!

Why follow him, what on earth were you hoping to achieve? This could've easily escalated. You filmed him, I presume you managed to get the reg number of the car even if you didn't get 'the act'.

Seriously, this is what the police are for, not lone rangers deciding to go on a chase.

Well done OP👏👏👏Hope they catch the creep!

Well done, must always be reported, there could be a pattern of escalating behaviour like Wayne Couzens. What if he is a teacher or child social worker, wouldnt want him around your kids.