Boyfriend told me to get a grip....aibu?

[ooohpll]

I'm the type of person who always needs something coming up and something to look forward too.
We have no trips away now till beginning of September.
We have had 3 weekends away this year and came back on Sunday and went to a gig that night.
Now bf has said we need to start saving money for house renovations (which we do )
We will still have fortnightly date nights and days out but no weekends away till September then November we are going abroad.
It just seems so far away.
3 months with nothing except a meal or night out to the theatre (mamma Mia ) to break it up but that's literally the local theatre.
It's not because I'm demanding (I swear ) I just get bored of normal life and just love being out exploring.
Aibu ?
I have been trying to get a night away booked in for late July /august but bf is adamant we should spend summer months at hone.

Or get some counselling

🤦🏻‍♀️ spoilt brat much.

Have you considered you might be mismatched in age? At difference stages of your life? This isn't a dig. He wants to focus on house renovations, you want holidays.

Yeah YABU. I'd love a date night withy DH every two weeks but we can't afford it and we've got two kids so never have time.

@LadyWhistledownsPen I've not had a holiday, even in the UK, in 7 years.

I do feel for the op though because she's clearly struggling with intense grief :(

Are you aware there are people who can't feed their families and countries at war? I'm all for a good social life but you are making it sound as if you are badly done to!

OP, you cannot spend your way out of grief - any more than you can drink your way out of it, or eat your way out of it. What it takes will keep on being more and more - and that way lies a shed load of debt, and still a lot of misery. And possibly an addiction to spending!

Oh fs.

Want a bucket for that drip feed, OP?

@minutesturntohours clearly manners or empathy aren't your strong point ....jog on

God YABU, high maintenance and your boyfriend is correct, get a grip'

Well, you wrote a thread and got bad responses because of the way you worded it. You've now got pages full of people who have been quite snippy because you didn't mention your grandmother, simply made yourself sound like a spoiled princess, and then changed it later when people had already commented so now the lot of us look like dicks. And you have the audacity to comment on my manners and empathy

You clearly have a lot of growing up to do.

You have renovations to do on your house, you need to save money for that. Going away every other weekend isn’t real life. You need to grow up and realise that real life isn’t like this.

And far better that you realise this now before you have children because once that happens even nights out will become a thing of the past.

Oh @ooohpll From your first post I had you down as entitled but I was wrong, I'm sorry. You are weighed down by grief and that is tough. Do you have any friends you can lean on to help you through this? Maybe some that have been there before you? Would your DP be able to be more of a support for you? I'm wondering if he recognises that you are trying to spend or holiday yourself to happiness but he can see that isn't either working or sustainable.
You mentioned going past your mum's and your grandmother's houses. Is it possible to move, to have a fresh start?
Or as others have said, get some counselling.

I agree. Get a grip.

Do you not spend time with your friends?

Watch movies, learn a craft or skill? (The later might prove useful for renovating). Up your education or work life skill set, get reading!

Find all the super cool walks in your area.

Get out cycling.

Try open water swimming.

All these activities will give you a buzz without spending or 'staying away'

Sorry OP, but I’m with him. I was reading your first post thinking “I bet this woman couldn’t events in sleeps”, as in “three sleeps until Christmas” etc.

Read your update ... prior to dementia was there something your grandma loved to do? Paint? Crochet? Etc. learn it! It will help you reconnect with the memories that make you happy.

If you dislike being at home with your partner that much, maybe ploughing all your money into home rennovations of a place you can't stand to be in isn't worth it?
If your goals are so different, why stay together?

re. Drip feed - I think people underestimate how emotional people can be posting about their personal issues here. Clearly the holidays, events and so forth have been an enormous emotional crutch for OP and now left without it for a short period of time and not supported with it further by Bf she’s having to face grief properly…

With this in mind I’m amazed she’s managed to come on and articulate the full issues in any capacity. Having the crutch - whatever it is - removed and having to face delayed grief is awful.

Go easy.

An with your updates it makes more sense. Sorry for your loss.

have you explained it to your DP like you have on here?

I have explained to him but he hasn't lost anyone so I don't think he gets it.
My nan used to like to knit ...she tried to show me but I was blooming useless at that.
I work full time so it's not like I don't have anything in my life.
I have friends but as we've got older we have our own things going on so not always easy to meet up etc

Meanwhile there are people relying on food banks and can’t afford electricity 🤨

So no-one is allowed to complain about anything, because someone else is worse off?! I'm the same as you op, I like to get out and about, I generally plan lots of stuff, but then I haven't got anyone telling me not to.

OP I think you're getting a bit of a hard time. I'm the same, I love having lots of things planned. Life is for living!

Well, if your boyfriend is no longer prepared to be your playmate, and your friends aren't either, you're either having to go it alone, or find alternative ways to occupy your time. How are you on gibbing and painting? Varnishing? Taking up lino?