AIBU to have a no gift policy for my DC's third birthday?

[dillydally24]

Just that really. My DC is having a third birthday party which 25 other children will attend. Is it ok to ask that no gifts be given by the other children? My DC will be given a couple of significant presents by me and my DH. I find the flood of gifts for birthdays and Xmas these days completely overwhelming and I don't want it to become the norm for my DC. We already have so much.

We let DC unwrap everything on the day, then put it all in a ‘holding area’ out of sight (the car boot works well). If they remember about something specific we’ll get it and let them keep it but everything else that doesn’t get mentioned after a couple of weeks gets donated to the charity shop.

I would put gifts optional on it :-) Also why donate to the charity shops straightaway? I used to put the unsuitable/ignored/doubled up presents in a cupboard and make a note of who had given what and then regift to a different person for Xmas/birthday etc...then when the child was older and had outgrown (and their friends) any of the unused ones then give them to charity alongside other used outgrown toys..isn't that what all mums do?

We always do a gift on behalf of everyone. E.g for my 9 yr old she had 5 friends over and I agreed with the parents that I would buy her something and they’d chip in.
Got her roller skates, she’s delighted and it’s no hassle for parents.

Being doing this for years and it works well.

I do too. It is a bit like saying “we don’t whatever tat it is that you can come up with”.

It's a great idea, and people may just pop a fiver in a card which I assume would be welcome?

Some may not, which I would assume would be okay too?

I think it's a great policy to be honest as people struggle financially don't they so taking that pressure off can really help.

I think emphasising you don't expect gifts is absolutely fine, and could be much appreciated by parents who can't afford to buy presents so might otherwise not bring their kid to the party (there was a thread on here with this a week or so ago?)but you can't outright ban them!

Maybe say something like "we are currently having a big clear out so please don't feel you need to bring a gift [x] is just looking forward to his friends attending" is fine. Then if they still bring something thank graciously and just put anything you don't want to one side and regift to the next party you go to -maybe label who it's from though so you don't give back to the giver!

It's all very well saying "donate it and get a grip" but it's just more work and hassle and mess in the meantime, nobody is getting anything worthwhile out of this pantomime.
Plus I don't want to be mean mummy taking away the gifts that others have been scraping their pennies together buy, I want a nice home where my child has space to actually play and enjoy his toys.
And if I had lots of cupboard space to store it for regifting then there wouldn't be an issue with the volume of stuff in the first place.

This is not my experience of third birthday parties. I have been to plenty where there are 20 or more guests. With an entertainer and other structured activities (e.g., party games), the children end up mixing together really well and get a lot out of it. The parents attend as well. Personally, I always enjoy attending such events because I get a kick out of seeing my DCs playing and interacting with their mates.

For people suggesting IABU, what about the environmental implications? I think the next generation is going to grow up judging us harshly on issues like this. I wonder if my DC will be appalled by the sheer amount of stuff bought for birthdays/Xmas etc. when older.

Why do people think stating no gifts is rude?! It's 100% not rude in my opinion. It's actually very considerate to others, responsible (Inc. environmentally) and non materialistic. How many families are struggling financially at the moment?! Many could probably do without the extra pressure of present buying.

Yes of course children love birthday presents but as the op said, her child will be getting presents from themselves. Why would her child need 25 more presents? If you indulge children with a huge number of presents each birthday from the start, are you not teaching them to be materialistic and potentially ungrateful? Because I think that could happen. A 3 year is not going to say, I only had 10 presents, I was expecting at least 40! Maybe less is more in the long run.

It's like when you get wedding invitations with gift lists or asking for money, I think that could be perceived as rude. Far better to say, your company on the day is all that we need and then if anyone is desperate to give something, have a Just Giving page for a charity or something similar. That's what we did.

Absolutely this!!

This. Don't be mean.

Op maybe write gifts optional or something.

I get what you are saying on not needing 'stuff' but part of the thing with kids parties is teaching etiquette of not turning up empty handed and saying thankyou for every gift.

I did the thing of put these away for later and donated some of the gifts.

I think you need to get over yourself. Lighten up and chill out. Unclench.

I also broke down at Xmas because there were more than 40 gifts under the tree for him

This is just bonkers.

You'd have shit yourself and died if you saw what I got at Christmas.

It wont work people dont like to turn up to a party without a gift. You could save them up bar a couple and donate them at Xmas to a charity that will give them to people in need.

Well 25 children is a large party, with lots of gifts. A smaller party would be less

Recently had 2 year olds birthday. Just 3 children, and a couple of adult neighbours and friends so ended up with probably 7-8 gifts from party.
Anyone who asked what to get, I just directed towards a book or basic art things.

Think he ended up with some brio, a hideous noisy teddy he loves! And then some books, crayons, garden chalk which was fine

I think it's mean. If you do this, presumably you will have the same rule for your birthday?

YANBU to ask for no gifts. YABU to have 25 guests (plus parents?) for a third birthday party at all; such young children are not yet good at mixing in large groups, and at best will disperse and do their own things individually or in very small groups; at worst will fight, quarrel, cry, or misbehave through overexcitement.

This. If you've seen it differently lucky you. A three year old really doesn't give a shit about having 25 kids at a party. Large parties at that age tend to be about the parents desire to host, not the child.
If you genuinely want to reduce faff & waste, half a dozen children for a party tea is better.

What we did - for a 7th birthday admittedly - was created an amazon book list. We added it to the invite and were clear on both the invite and the list itself that we were very happy with the second-hand offerings. That way dd had a present from each of those attending and a full bookcase by the end of it.

Being a bit older (and a book worm) she had a number of series of books she was interested in but I'm sure there are plenty on offer for 3yr olds. It worked really well it stopped the 'oh what does dd want for her birthday?' And the massive pile of plastic she wouldn’t use! That was the last big party we did but I'd definitely do it again!

I'd take 'no gifts' to mean please put cash in a card. I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable with that and get your child a gift anyway.

Happily. I always ask for no gifts. I did the same for my wedding.

yes but the argument is lost given the carbon footprint of the children we've chosen to have in the first place.

OP, I've said this to the people invited to my boys 3rd birthday in a few weeks. however, if people want to buy him presents then we will, of course, be grateful.

I'm going to adopt a 'one in, one out' style policy, and if he gets lots of new toys and books, some of the older ones can be donated to those in need.

What about a line like "your child's presence is Josh's present, but if you would really like to bring a gift a book would be very much appreciated", 25 books can then be registered, stored or given away and the parents won't know! Also ignore people saying 25 is too many for a three year old, school nursery will have about thay many in a class so majority of three years can cope with it, I think the golden rule for that age is don't go over two hours.