AIBU to have a no gift policy for my DC's third birthday?

[dillydally24]

Just that really. My DC is having a third birthday party which 25 other children will attend. Is it ok to ask that no gifts be given by the other children? My DC will be given a couple of significant presents by me and my DH. I find the flood of gifts for birthdays and Xmas these days completely overwhelming and I don't want it to become the norm for my DC. We already have so much.

I get your feeling, wait until they are 7 and you are still inundated with stuff! I have three 😲😲 it's a major stress!

I would take some off and donate. Near me they are collecting for Ukrainian refugee children who have arrived with no toys. Maybe there will be something close to your heart near you?

Let him have all the gifts and the experience of opening them all. He’ll probably want to open one or 2 and then you can ‘tidy’ the rest away and if he never mentions them again donate them to a childrens charity / food bank

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, particularly for a third birthday. Banning presents might be a bit strong but you could say something like ‘please don’t feel obligated to bring a gift’.

I think intentionally giving presents away to charity isn’t nice. Other parents will have spent time and money on those gifts and lots of people are struggling at the moment (there have been threads on here about parents desperately scraping a few pounds together for gifts so that their kids can go to birthday parties ‘with’ something).

I have a 6 and 9 year old. I have found that the 9 year old and his friends seem to give money now which is great. The little one - we still give and receive presents for. Last year she had about ten guests and ten presents and I regifted a couple that she didn’t notice and didn’t need and she enjoyed playing with the rest.

I think you are being unreasonable- I would feel so sad if I did this to my DD, it’s so magical for them receiving gifts from their friends for their birthday, can’t you take the ones you don’t want/don’t use to a community bank for less privileged instead?

He will, until he sees other kids being inundated with gifts at their parties...
How do you propose to explain to him why his friends didn't bother?
Just donate the ones you don't want.

i think though that giving and receiving gifts is a good learning experience...the child thinking about what a friend would enjoy....learning that they don't get to keep it...saying thank you for what they are given and so on. I get the environmental issues and the "no plastic tat" issues but surely there is a middle way?

It’s not unreasonable.

I don’t know why we aren’t thinking more about the environmental impact of all of this ‘stuff’. Consumerism has gone mad.

Getting gifts that you just intend to give away/donate seems crazy if you can avoid it by saying ‘no gifts’. If you’re having 25 kids over then that’s otherwise 25 presents - it’s way more than a 3YO needs. And it’ll mostly be smaller but well intended gifts that won’t last/be cherished. What’s wrong with just a couple of ‘bigger’ and longer lasting gifts from close family? A 3YO doesn’t need 25 gifts to be happy!

I feel you on the too much stuff but they love it so much and they will start to notice that they take gifts when invited to others birthdays. Maybe we’ve been lucky but we’ve never received heaps of tat. Lots of books, lots of crafty stuff which is great for rainy weekends, long lasting stuff like Lego/duplo. Take the opportunity to do a toy sort and cull after the party if necessary but I think you’d be a bit mean to deny him such a big part of the birthday ‘experience’.

And plus lots of families are struggling - spending money on stuff that’s not necessary and will just be given away just feels so wasteful and could create financial pressure!

We were invited to a 'no gifts' part- I wrapped up a small bag of chocolates for the birthday boy as it felt wrong not taking anything. Most other people ignored the 'no gifts' request and sent in proper presents so I ended up feeling really tight!

I think it's a good idea for a first and second birthday but at 3 years old they will expect presents. Where I am most parents get a couple of bigger presents and the guests give £3-5 towards them. Saves the parents the faff of buying and wrapping a present and you don't get a mountain of tat that ends up in landfill.

@Youseethethingis1 we are on the same wavelength! I also broke down at Xmas because there were more than 40 gifts under the tree for him (my DH's family are also a more is more kind of family). I don't want my DC growing up thinking a superabundance of stuff is the norm. I hate it and it's not exactly environmentally friendly either.

I did a no gifts christening for my child and it worked well. I didn’t want to be inundated with things and I wanted people to be able to come and make it as cheap for themselves as they needed to. We gave a link to a charity for people to donate to if they felt weird and most did donate, that money is now going to the maternity hospital our baby was born in. It felt like a much better use of funds to me. I can’t stand the emphasis on stuff these days, I just don’t like it at all.

@Amelion my thoughts exactly. I grew up in a family where we received one or two thoughtful presents which ended up being much treasured. I can't bear the torrent of stuff we don't need. We did the same for our wedding - no gifts, just optional charitable donations - and I felt so happy we made that decision.

You "broke down" because he got too many Christmas presents?

Donate to charities that give Christmas gifts to under privileged kids... that way someone will really treasure and benefit from the gift

I totally get where you're coming from. At 3, I don't think children would realise anyway. I actually think other parents would appreciate not having to buy a gift, especially as the cost of everything is so high at the moment.

I'm just arranging a birthday party for my 1 year old dd and I was thinking similarly to you. Obviously at one, she won't have clue about presents. So I thought if anyone is desperate to give something, I might just say to donate to GOSH.

Ignore pps who say it's mean. In reality, it's quite often plactic toy crap that will potentially go into landfill one day. So that's another way to look at it.

Reasonable I think. Ask people to make a charity donation instead. Your reasons are very good in my opinion.

Given the cost of living crisis, you may have some parents secretly being grateful.

i don't think a 3-year-old would be very sad; they haven't had enough experience of parties to expect loads of presents (unless they have older siblings who get lots of presents).

Sounds super fun in your house. Get rid of some of the old stuff he doesn’t play with then you’ll have room for new things

Honestly accept the gifts and stop overthinking it. It's a childs bday,

YANBU to ask for no gifts. YABU to have 25 guests (plus parents?) for a third birthday party at all; such young children are not yet good at mixing in large groups, and at best will disperse and do their own things individually or in very small groups; at worst will fight, quarrel, cry, or misbehave through overexcitement.

Do it! Absolutely say no gifts! A friend has had a “no gifts “ policy for her DC all their life and they’re honestly ok! They get plenty of gifts from family etc so they’re not deprived in any way.
You could say, if people are really desperate to give something, to make a donation to a children's charity.
Or (at a big push) a contribution towards a bigger toy/activity in a card.
At 3 (especially) the excitement of a party with cake and friends (& a few gifts from family) is plenty. No need for 25 gifts, most if which will probably end up in landfill - you’re doing the responsible thing!!!

Donate them and get a grip.