Husbands Burial Plot

[Bellysmackers]

My first husband died in 2004. It was a very tragic accident whilst we were living overseas and we were both in our late 20s. His family never really bothered with me much afterwards. Never visited me etc. I always felt like they resented me for being the one who survived. Fast forward 10 years later I came home to find a gift on my doorstep from them that just said 'sorry' on it. A bit too little too late for me. I text pleasantries etc from time to time, but we had little contact. Then suddenly out of the blue recently, one family member got in touch via text being friendly, asking how I was etc. I fell for it (like an idiot), thinking there was genuine care there. BUT- she followed it with asking if I would consider signing over the ownership of my husbands grave to them as it would mean a lot and they feel this is the right thing to do as his immediate family. I have literally never even heard of this and would never consider it anyway ( and told her so) but can anybody think why they would want this? Has anyone heard of this before? And AIBU to say no??

Thankyou and I'm so very sorry for your loss 💕

I’m so sorry OP. Your dignity and grace in both the events and your posts really shines for me. You responded in a very empathetic way to his family. I do hope this has been resolved for you and won’t cause you any more emotional pain.

As husband and wife you both committed to a life with other, having moved on from being children with parents, to adults who made their own family with each other. I should imagine you still and always will consider him your husband and family even though you’ve had more love enter your life since you lost him. You shouldn’t be punished for finding love again, I think your commitment to his plot shows how deeply you still cherish him. You are a good person.

I’m sending love and best wishes to OP. They sound really difficult people and I think you are right to decline their request which was delivered with bile and lack of kindness / respect to OP.

Maybe if you actually RTFT you’ll see why OP wants to keep the plot that she bought for her husband.

So many nasty, shameful responses.

OP, I cannot imagine the grief you must have experienced loosing your husband so suddenly.

Your poor husband must have turned in his grave at the sheer awfulness of his family.

They sound utterly and completely ghastly.

I completely agree with your decision to not give them ownership.

Such dishonest people would replace your headstone in a minute and write you out of his life.

I would absolutely question their love of him and how genuine it was.

If they truly loved him, they would have absolutely wanted to honour that love, by treating his young wife with compassion and understanding.

THAT is what decent people would have done.

I don't believe that kind parents, BEFORE he died, would suddenly morph into awful people after his sudden death.

I think you should wisely judge them on their past behaviour and their duplicit underhand actions.

Wishing you the very best.

My darling grandmother lost her precious only daughter a year after she was married.

It broke her and my grandfathers hearts.
They remained in contact with her lovely husband and my Gran was happy to see him remarry some years later.

I remember her telling me that the pain never left her and him meeting someone else meant it had ease for him.

Her daughter had loved him so much, he was so loving towards her.

How could she, as her mother, not wish happiness for him, the chance of love, and a family.
It would absolutely be what my gorgeous aunt would have wanted.

My grandmother was a wonderful woman.

Can’t believe this has been dragged up again.

Yes his mother is grieving but I have no doubt that op still is too. There are some fucking disgusting attitudes on here. Marrying again does not mean that you suddenly stop grieving and get over it - if only it worked like that.

We lost my df nearly 30 years ago, my dm has spent far longer without him that she had with him. She never married again but even if she had (and I truly wish she had as I know my dear departed dad would) she was still his wife, the person he chose to be with until death. She still visits and cares for his grave far more diligently than we do. She would be devastated if my ddad’s family tried to do something like this. Fortunately they wouldn’t because they are good people who respect and understand her place in his life.

If I'd remarried he'd no long be my husband though, but he'll always be their child. It doesn't mead you stop caring but I'm their position I'd be thinking that you are married to someone else now. What if your current husband dies?

Nobody said it does mea n you stop grieving. It does change the dynamics though. He's no longer her husband if she remarried.

@LuckyLil the OP's husband died, her relationship with him didn't die.

For you to keep banging on that OP has moved on is crass and insensitive.

I don’t agree, but even if that was the case it’s irrelevant. Op will always be his wife and next of kin. He chose her to make these decisions on his behalf. She is doing exactly what he would have wanted.

Op may have met someone else but that doesn’t make her any less relevant. She clearly still cares deeply about her husband. Arguably more so than his family who were nowhere to be seen when the grave that they are so desperate to get hold of now needed to be paid for.

Yes, my nephew who died at 21, went ‘in with his Granny’, he was cremated as it was a single plot.