To think the stigmatisation of borderline personality disorder is awful

[PonderingBPD]

Most people with BPD have experienced alot of trauma, typically during childhood, hence the disorder which has alot of parallels to complex PTSD. It's not something people choose to have and is actually soul destroying to live with.

Why are people with the condition spoken of and thought of so negatively? It's essentially victim blaming.

AIBU?

I'm sorry you've been upset by this thread, some of the replies have left me feeling pretty shitty too. I hope you're OK.

I'm another one who can mask well. A friend I've known almost 10 years has no idea of the extent of my MH problems (my close ones do)

I admitted to being a bit depressed once when he asked how i was and his response was "oh wow you seem fine to me. You would never know" - he thought I was a really happy go lucky person with a smile on my face all of the time etc. Clueless. Bless him.

I feel exactly the same as you said, its upsetting to be defective as a result of abuse and then published for being defective.

The only people I'm open about it with are the ones who need to know, so my close family and friends.

@PonderingBPD you might want to explore schemas also - that can be something really useful to work through with the a therapist once you have identified which schemas are most active for you.

Everyone has schemas - essentially they are the blueprints our brains develop in childhood to predict what will happen based on experience. And it then effects how we perceive all similar situations in the future. For example we learn that when x happens then y usually follows.

When normal brain development is disrupted (through trauma or whatever) they we can develop what are called ‘maladaptive’ schemas - these promote a negative and unhelpful perception of situations and that in turn effects how we will respond and act.

Its like seeing the world for filtered glasses (indeed you may see them referred to as filters). Once you are aware of your filters and what trigger them, you can work to manually take off hybrids filters so you can see and respond more clearly and appropriately to what’s ACTUALLY happening and not what your brain THINKS is happening.

@PonderingBPD yes exactly and I hope you are ok too. I get that people who have had negative experiences with someone who has BPD are going to view the diagnosis through that lens and that's understandable. But some of the comments here - well ironically they seem to be worse than anything they're accusing us of being! It makes me glad I don't really tell people.

It might be worth you getting assessed by a psychiatrist, just from the POV of then you'd know for sure? Not that it particularly opens up anything new but it helps in terms of knowing yourself. I had actually presumed I had bipolar before I was diagnosed.

Agree with the PP that knowledge of schemas and filters are useful. It's really weird at first that reality as you know it isn't actually reality. It fucks with your head.

OP I have worked with people who have been diagnosed with BPD.

I just want to say you come across as a lovely person and fantastic Mother.

Give yourself a big hug....💐

Yes this psychiatric label carries a lot of stigma and there are big concerns about it’s validity. More worrying are the reports of potential misdiagnosis in rape and sexual abuse cases: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/mar/27/are-sexual-abuse-victims-being-diagnosed-with-a-mental-disorder-they-dont-have.

The other concern is that the BPD diagnostic rate of 75/25 in females could suggest there is an inherent bias within the psychiatric field. Rather than looking for external causes of emotional trauma, the psychiatric industry has been too content to apply a highly stigmatised label to females because it’s a nice ‘fit’. Historically, psychiatry has been cruel towards people, particularly women.

While I'm sure many women were misdiagnosed in the past due to sexism, if you ever met someone with read BPD (regardless of gender) it's a radically different illness from any other that follows a set pattern.

Have a look at I Hate You! Don't Leave Me!

*Real

The other concern is that the BPD diagnostic rate of 75/25 in females could suggest there is an inherent bias within the psychiatric field.

To even things out, Psychopathy is massively more frequently diagnosed in men.

^Sorry, forgot to quote first sentence.

And also, BPD is massively under diagnosed in men, not due to bias, but because the symptoms present differently.

Men with BPD are less likely to self harm and engage in behaviours that would otherwise bring them to the attention of medical professionals, which is often the point of diagnosis. They are more likely to consume alcohol instead.

They are also often misdiagnosed as having ASPD (I have posted previously about BPD and psychopathy sharing many common features) due to how they externalise their emotions. So, BPD is high in the male prison population, which is not surprising given that inmates are amongst the most traumatised people in our society.

Just something to consider before jumping to assumptions of bias.

BPD symptoms exist, whether by any other name and whether some women don’t want to recognise it as a valid diagnosis.

Trying to eradicate it as a diagnosis because some people think it exists as some kind of weapon to be used against women is not in the best interests of people who, you know, actually have BPD, nor is it in the best interests of the people around them.

Criteria for BPD (not all are required for diagnosis):

Feelings of anger or irritability at minor issues
Risk taking behaviours or engaging in activities without personal regard
Acting impulsively
Self harming during emotional distress
Feelings of being down or depressed
Fears of rejection of not being loved
Intense feelings of anxiety and fear
Emotions easily changeable and unstable
Relationships with mistrust and neediness
Hypersensitivity to emotions and situations
Change or instability in life goals or direction
Issues with body image
Issues with self-identity

This cluster of symptoms overlaps with trauma responses. The guardian article: www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/mar/27/are-sexual-abuse-victims-being-diagnosed-with-a-mental-disorder-they-dont-have quotes a number of professionals who are concerned that this diagnosis has prevented those getting the right kind of help in times of need. It’s a massive kick in the teeth to be diagnosed with a personality disorder if you’ve experienced traumatic event(s). A diagnosis of BPD is still viewed as difficult to treat or untreatable which can make it incredibly difficult to access therapy.

This has been my experience of the two people I know with the disorder.

Lots of projection - everyone else is 'controlling' or 'playing the victim'. Extreme rage out of the blue. Long silent treatments. Severe lack of empathy. Push-pull. Having to walk on egg shells around them. Insecure but with massive egos. Constant attention seeking. Starting arguments with strangers online if no-one around them is taking the bait.

The male one who has not grown out of it, has unstable relationships with every immediate family member and all ex-girlfriends. Despite this, keeps all those people around because they thrive on push-pull.

A lot of women seem to internalise the symptoms and improve around their 30s.

I have bpd, I'm 28 years old but was diagnosed with it at 18. Mine arose from my mum passing at 15 from cancer but I watched her terminally ill for most of my high school years and then dad did one with his new missus only 3 months the after and I had to live with family. My relationships have always been an absolute storm especially when I have been dumped and usually end with me chasing them up the street with no shoes on. It's very hard to live with and there isn't proper treatments out there for it. I've basically always been put on depression and anxiety tablets which don't do a thing. I now have a 1 year old and still suffering with post natal on top of my bpd. I've totally lost my identity as a mum and struggle with keeping on top of the housework, my friendships are non existent (due to me withdrawing from them due to not being able to keep up) it always feels like too much. I love my daughter but when she gets mischievous or emotional it's very hard to not let it affect my mood. I find myself crying in the kitchen corner after she's calmed down or gone to sleep after endless rocking and it makes it harder that my family are no where to be seen and my partners family don't get involved. I'm scared to talk about it because of the stigma attached and often worry my child will absorb my unstable moods. Don't no where I'm going with this, guess I'm kind of hoping there's another mum out there in the same boat. Sorry for the paragraph!

To add, i noticed a lot of people mentioning a severe lack of empathy, however I'm a total opposite. I absorb everybody else's emotions and over worry, I'm TOO empathetic most of the time and tend to overreact because of it. E.g if baby falls over, I may gasp and charge towards her as if she's seriously injured herself. My boyfriend always says I worry too much.

Sorry to hear this @bubbles1994

Would it help if you started your own thread in the mental health topic?

The trouble with bumbing an old thread is that people tend to just read and reply to the original post.

You can find it here.

OMG I meant 'bumping', not bumbing! 😊😂

Thank you I will xxx

Childhood trauma can cause MH issues tho. My partner has had MH issues since 11 years old because of of something I don't really want to say as its not my place but definitely contributed to his MH