To think the stigmatisation of borderline personality disorder is awful

[PonderingBPD]

Most people with BPD have experienced alot of trauma, typically during childhood, hence the disorder which has alot of parallels to complex PTSD. It's not something people choose to have and is actually soul destroying to live with.

Why are people with the condition spoken of and thought of so negatively? It's essentially victim blaming.

AIBU?

I deal with a lot of BPD people in my line of work, dealing with antisocial behaviour.

Sadly, they are usually the perpetrator and usually young women.

Recent examples would be a 22yo single Mum who decided the old man across the street gave her a dirty look. He denies he ever did, and certainly hes been housed by us since the 80s with no issues previously, but never say never. Anyway, the young lady has taken to making his life a living hell. Shouts abuse at him in the street, purposefully blocks his driveway with wheelie bins, throws dirty nappies on his lawn, has even called the police to make false allegations. Her excuse is that she has BPD and her mental health means she csnt control herself when she feels wronged.

The next example is an older woman, mid 40s. Making her neighbours life hell as she thinks they're showing off and I quote "making me look like a cheap fucking cunt" because they bought a new car and showed it to the other neighbours.

So, from my experience it's hard because BPD folk can seem to elaborate and escalate innocent incidents in their head and then try to justify their behaviour with the MH BPD excuse. My answer is always that having BPD is no excuse for being antisocial and bullying.

I have BPD. Unmedicated I am bad and have been truly awful, a total nightmare, especially Then years of self medicating with drink. Then finally diagnosed and medicated. I'm very happy, well and balanced now.

Thank you for sharing. This sounds incredibly difficult to live with. What is clear is that you have a very big degree of insight and commitment to manage your symptoms, which is fantastic and you should be very proud of that. I’m sorry that you have had such a difficult childhood and that you have to live with this very distressing condition as a result. I wish I had advice, but I don’t I’m afraid - I just want to wish you the best because you sound like you are very brave and very considerate of those you love.

I would never, ever behave like that. My anger is always targeted inwards.

I've never had an issue with neighbours and have had no dealings with the police in my adult life (admittedly I was a little shit when I was a child, shoplifting, but that came from poverty more than any premeditated intention to do something bad)

I'm more likely to be picked on, than pick on somebody.

OP no one can diagnose you over the internet but reading through all the things you have listed, it doesn't strike me as that different from someone suffering from depression and PTSD. If you were abandoned as a child then of course you will have a fear of abandonment, this is a natural response to that trauma, I would think?

The black and white thinking for example -- this is very common when dealing with depression and trauma, I personally was like this until my MH improved, it was the improvement that allowed me to see the 'grey'

When I was unwell I thought that was just how I was, and in fact when I was initially referred for psychiatric treatment it was for investigation of BPD (this was in the US many years ago). Luckily I was referred to a great doctor who walked through all the traumas of my life and helped me see that I was reacting to those, and that there were ways to get better.

I don't want to project my experience on you but maybe it is worth exploring a bit more the possibility that you don't have BPD?

What medication are you on if you don't mind me asking?

I definitely can't agree that there's no stigma attached to Autism or Autistic Spectrum Disorders.

I have BPD. I was diagnosed sixteen years ago. I'm high-functioning these days bit I was very ill for a decade. To be honest I don't think I've faced an descrimination as a result of my diagnosis. No more so than someone with any other form of mental illness, any way.

Thank you so much 💓

Based on experiences I guess, living/ working/ dealing with someone who is emotionally volatile is hard. And that is on top of dealing with "your own shit" which most people do have going on on some level or another.

Dealing with antisocial behaviour would give you a rather narrow view of the world.

Plenty of people with BPD who don’t behave like the two in your post.

You could just as easily exchange the BPD with “depressed” or “autistic” or “adhd” and come up with a similarly absurd finding.

Not to invalidate what you're saying about BPD - I agree that it should not be stigmatised - but if you haven't already, I would highly recommend also researching dissociative disorders. I have recently been diagnosed with DDNOS (sort of a milder form of dissociative identity disorder). It's much more common than people used to realise, and it took me a very long time to realise due to stigma/ misinformation. DDNOS symptoms have a huge overlap with BPD - I can relate to a lot of the experiences you are describing. Now that I am getting the right treatment, and learning the right techniques from my own research, I am really healing, compared to frustratingly slow progress in the previous ten years. Worth looking into, just in case.

The CTAD clinic videos on youtube are a very reliable resource to start at.

No stigma from me I don't consider it a correct label.

I totally agree with you on this. Have been reading on this subject as family members recently diagnosed with ASD throwing into question other family members myself included.

Autsim spectrum contains many neuro cognitive features shared by people with BPD & bipolar.

These are neurologically fixed differences in brain, & neural cognitive development.

They mean that certain behaviours, beliefs, ways of feeling & behaving are governed by these & cannot be changed, nor in fact should they be as the person is not able to change them.

Pple with ASD are taught (now, rightly) to not try to be NT, when their abilities & differences along the spectrum are valid & should be equally accepted & seen as valid in the remit of human behaviour.

There is much less stigma now & judgement therefore for ASD. Yet when there are so many similar shared elements neurologically such as executive function differences, theory of mind, emotional dysregulation & behavioural management difficulties in both BPD & autism, one condition remains far more stigmatised & judged negatively than the other.

Far more women have been & continue to be diagnosed with BPD when many may in fact be suffering with undiagnosed ASD.

Part of the gender inequality prevalent still in health & mental health sadly still evident today.

I am hoping that with the advancements in autism & awareness of how it can present & affect women, this will change the way mental health, “disorders”, and “pathological personality” labels may ultimately change.

Why no empathy for people struggling with often times very similar difficulties.

This.

I'm a regular poster, but have namechanged for this.

My father had BPD. My DM endured years of domestic violence at his hands and he also abused me and my three siblings. One of my siblings died as a result of his abuse.

This was a long time ago (I'm now in my 40s) but at the time the view of professionals was that he was "mad not bad" and that this excused his behaviour. It didn't make things any easier for us, his victims.

I don't believe that everyone with BPD is like this, however the ones that are need to be called out for it and not excused because they "can't help it".

I can’t agree with this.

I’ve seen this argument used time and again to shut down people who have been raised by a BPD parent when talking about their experiences and associated trauma. I know that BPD does not look the same in every individual, but many people have endured abusive childhoods at the hands of their BPD parent.

I’ve seen people told they need to “have more empathy” towards their BPD parent. In what other situation would any victim be told to empathise more with their abuser.

So whilst I acknowledge that a BPD diagnosis comes with stigma, I don’t think it is “awful”.

I honestly think the "borderline" part leaves most people to think it's either mild or within the persons power to control/reverse it. As if it's not a full blown mental health issue, only that the person is at risk of becoming that way. Like borderline type 2 diabetic. Borderline obese. Borderline alcoholism. It makes it sound like an optional state which is totally reversible, which then makes it seem as though the person with BPD is wilfully being unpredictable and offensive to people if they're having bad days. Which in turn is why a lot of people seem to find BPD sufferers to be attention seekers and too much hard work. I think that the terminology paints a false picture.

I dated someone with BPD for 18 months and he refused to go to therapy or actually treat it. Instead I ended up paying for months or therapy and being prescribed diazepam. One of his exes had him arrested four times for abuse and he still saw himself as the victim.

Not everyone with BPD is like that, but there's a big difference between those who seek treatment and those who don't.

I also hate when people pretend BPD is bipolar to avoid stigma. This only adds stigma to bipolar and confuses the symptoms. They're completely different illnesses.

I also hate when people pretend BPD is bipolar to avoid stigma. This only adds stigma to bipolar and confuses the symptoms. They're completely different illnesses.

On the flip side, it also serves to further the stigma against BPD. We've seen it on this thread already, multiple people offering differential diagnoses as a more palatable option for the OP.

Nobody owes an abusive parent empathy, irrespective of a mental health problem.

I can relate to the frustration on that front as an adult child of an alcoholic, I'm told to have empathy because it's not a choice and she can't help it. It's a disease. Bla bla bla.

It's the generalised stigma around BPD that bothers me, not people calling out abusive parents.

You can be a shit parent with or without BPD. Having BPD doesn't mean you'll be a shit parent and if you're a shit parent and have BPD, you can't blame the abusive behaviour on the BPD.

Yet there is no stigma attached to autism. Autism isn't something people are made to feel ashamed of(which im thankful for as i have an ASD son). Telling somebody you have autism isn't going to result in them making a snap decision that you're probably abusive.

Are you fucking joking?
This is so far from the truth it’s shocking.

My mum has BPD has been sectioned multiple times I have PTSD from her physical and mental abuse. She had a shit childhood but she should have admitted she had a problem. I acknowledge I have some BPD traits but I've never laid a hand on my DD or emotionally abused her because I got therapy. BPD do have capacity and they do know right from wrong it is difficult managing the anxiety and rollercoaster of emotions but It can be done.

I have BPD. My Mother almost certainly has NPD and I am low contact and I am sure the trauma I endured growing up is why I have BPD.

There is definitely a stigma there. I don’t think the new name of EUPD helps at all. I was on the waiting list for 3.5 years for DBT on the NHS. I tried to access numerous private therapists for talking therapy in this time to be told they don’t deal with BPD, literally nobody would work with me apart from people who specialised in BPD and were 4x the price of a normal therapist. I wasn’t even looking for BPD techniques, I just wanted someone to talk to who would help me unpick them trauma I endured growing up.

I spent years of my life on anti depressants and mood stabilisers but currently unmedicated and doing well. I have learnt lots of skills in DBT that I try to apply to life and I am okay until I really am not. I hate going to the GP if I need to discuss my mental health because as soon as I mention EUPD I definitely get treated differently. My DP did a lot of research on the condition when we first got together and everything online was telling him to run (thankfully he didn’t!) as we are are batshit manipulators.

I am pretty certain I have BPD too OP and am at the start of the long journey to try and access some help. Currently on waiting list one for cbd just incase I have anxiety or depression instead. I don't but apparently in my area you have to do this first before they will assess you for anything else.

I definitely wouldn't be sharing my diagnosis (if that's what I get) with anyone for fear of judgement.

Like you I turn my anger inwards and self harm, (in private, not for attention) the most violent thing I have ever done to anyone else is rip up a birthday card I gave them and I was immensely ashamed of myself afterwards.

No, I'm not "fucking" joking.

I have both a husband and a son with autism. Allowances are made for their meltdowns in a way that isn't for people with BPD.

People with autism aren't automatically assumed to be an abusive partner or spouse.

If you tell somebody your husband has autism they're not going to jump to the conclusion that he hits you.

What is this stigma you speak of in regards to autism?