To think the stigmatisation of borderline personality disorder is awful

[PonderingBPD]

Most people with BPD have experienced alot of trauma, typically during childhood, hence the disorder which has alot of parallels to complex PTSD. It's not something people choose to have and is actually soul destroying to live with.

Why are people with the condition spoken of and thought of so negatively? It's essentially victim blaming.

AIBU?

The condition in isolation doesn't need to be stigmatised, however if the behaviours arising from it are harmful to other people they shouldn't have to shy away from calling the behaviours out.

I fully agree. I have no idea why bpd is targeted so much more than other mh disorders for abuse.

But no one feels the need to point this out when someone has diabetes, despite that fact I've known people behave poorly when hypoglycemic.

It seems like there is an assumption that people with bad will behave in harmful ways.

*bpd

If you have an examples of people with BPD being spoken of and thought of very negatively - I would be interested to see them.

I have a sibling with this diagnosis and PTSD. He had one traumatic childhood event (another sibling in an accident and hospitalised but made a full recovery within a couple of days). People endure a whole lot more without getting BPD so I'm not convinced that childhood trauma is the reason for him. There must be other causes.

Agreed I’ve only experienced people ‘excusing’ terrible behaviour on their BPD. Nothing against the diagnosis at all but along with no engagement with treatment and terrible behaviours I can see how the stigma has arisen.

I fully realise my experience due not reflect all those with BPD.

It's a difficult one even professionals burn out a lot faster because it's a condition that can't be fixed mostly with meds like schizophrenia or bipolar can be. It's a long recovery with intensive therapy to change fixed patterns of thinking with very long waiting lists some coping mechanisms can be harmful to others. It is awful I have empathy for the immense trauma but it's also hard for people trying to help.

Its a pity that responses to trauma are labelled as ‘disorders’. Reactions to ACEs shouldn’t be considered to be anything but a normal response to a traumatic experience.

You can give someone with hypoglycemia treatment and it will resolve it's self pretty quickly. That doesn't work for BPD it's a very long recovery process.

As you might have guessed I (strongly suspect) have BPD.

My husband has aspergers. He's a wonderful person however some of his behaviours can be very difficult to live with indeed. He can have meltdowns and shut downs. He stonewalls (not intentionally, it's a defence mechanism)

If I have an episode then I'm clearly being manipulative and/or abusive.

If my husband has one, he can't help it he's autistic.

Yet there is no stigma attached to autism. Autism isn't something people are made to feel ashamed of(which im thankful for as i have an ASD son). Telling somebody you have autism isn't going to result in them making a snap decision that you're probably abusive.

Likewise bipolar, bipolar is a perfectly acceptable disorder to have (not for the sufferer, obviously, I'm sure it's horrid to live with) but for society. You'll likely be met with sympathy if you have bipolar, depression, panic attacks.

Society is even moving away from the stigmatisation of schizophrenia now which is brilliant.

But not borderline, borderlines = scumbags (in many peoples minds)

Google BPD stigma, or even the MN search feature. If somebody has BPD their partner is frequently told to run for the hills.

I think there's a genetic aspect too, it can run in families. Sometimes a combination of nature and nurture. Some will be more predisposed to it than others. I suspect my mother has something similar going on although she doesnt have the self awareness to realise or access therapy.

It seems like there is an assumption that people with bpd will behave in harmful ways

Behaving in harmful ways (to self/ others) is one of the diagnostic criteria for BPD.

It is, sadly, highly stigmatised, partly because of the behaviours which are an inherent part of it. It's awful and of course it should be treated like any other illness/ condition and the person is unwell.

I think the particular presentation of BPD can just make it difficult for people to understand and be sympathetic to. Part of BPD as a diagnosis is about the way that a person relates to others and manages relationships in their life, so tangled and traumatic relationships are often part and parcel of the diagnosis. That results in one or both parties usually being very hurt/ traumatised by things linked to the diagnosis. When there is a lot of hurt involved it can be hard to feel empathy.

BPD is also very commonly misdiagnosed in people - particularly women - who are actually having responses to trauma, PTSD, etc. I think some don't see it as a 'real' diagnosis as well.

I know very little about BPD and so usually keep quiet - I wouldn't judge anyone for any diagnosis.

I have heard people struggling with the name tbh. A personality disorder sounds like the sufferers have developed a personality that just doesn't fit with society. Which I guess would fit with the manipulative behaviour symptoms etc.

Having said that, if that was the case, it must be very difficult to distinguish those with BPD and those who just have difficult personalities if you're not a Dr?

Also, that's before we get into the ethics of medicating/treating someone into being a 'better person' based on society's expectations (totally separate thread though!)

Hope you get your required treatment soon OP

I think there's a difference between stigmatising people with BPD versus not tolerating abuse from people with BPD. It may not be that person's fault that they are difficult or abusive, but that doesn't mean other people need to just accept that and put up with it.

(I say that as someone with my own history of trauma and MH issues)

Speaking as someone who has a lot of issues and a very supportive partner. While it's not our fault to have these issues and yes, they arise from trauma, there still comes a point where if you are supported by someone you can totally not project your issues onto them. I think that's when it becomes an issue; when you are making someone else suffer because you are suffering.

I've done this, and I work very hard not to any longer. It's hard! It's sometimes almost impossible but it is always possible unless you just have someone who is totally unsympathetic, in which case you are not compatible.

Not engaging in treatment - many therapists simply won't work with people who have BPD.

DBT which is the gold standard treatment for it is nigh on impossible to access through the NHS unless somebody does something drastic and ends up being sectioned and even then the waiting lists are astronomical.

There's no specific medication for BPD either. Some SSRI's may help a bit, but not always.

If you're a working class person with BPD but without money, and you are 'high functioning' enough not to be under the CMHT and a psychiatrist, you have more chance of platting piss than being able to access the therapy you need.

The one person I know who talks about her BPD has a social media account very similar to Britney Spear's Instagram. Actually it's worse. She's really attention seeking, goady and argumentative and even proudly posts screen shots of when she trolls celebrities by private messaging them nasty comments on Instagram.

I am not saying all people with BPD are like this but when ever anyone challenges her behaviour she posts about how nobody understands how difficult it is to live with BPD.

I think it's really sad that her family sit back and watch her make a complete fool of herself and don't insist that she takes some personal responsibility for her actions. She's a mother of 2 DC as well.

I think maybe it's one of those things that the majority of people don't talk about having because of the stigma, but a vocal minority of attention seeking people use it as a way of excusing their poor behaviour.

I actually think my daughter has BPD and she certainly doesn't behave in that way and I certainly pull her up on any selfish behaviour.

It's a tough one. If more people were open about it, maybe they'd drown out the ones who use it to excuse their behaviour.

x-post

I really disagree that there's no stigma attached to autism or bipolar. There are hundreds of threads here on MN that will tell you differently.

I agree that it's very unfair though that your husband's issues are excused while yours are not.

@dreamingbohemian
Thank you - you've put this better than I clumsily attempted to.

I think the name of the condition doesn’t help. It makes it sound like someone just has a terrible personality whereas obviously it is far more complex.

I would say though that BPD can manifest itself in ways that are really harmful to others. I went out with someone with bpd for several years, and I was treated appallingly. The mood swings were such I constantly had to walk on eggshells, but the worst thing was the cognitive issues when talking about emotional things. When I found him cheating on me, he literally didn’t seem to realise it was him that cheated on me not vice versa. He was distraught and went mad at me saying how could I betray him like that etc. Silly example but if for example he made a mistake, he would go mad at me about the mistake as though I had made it like if he had forgotten to lock the front door, next time I challenged him about something he would scream at me about the fact i left the front door unlocked.

I accept that is true of other mental health conditions as well, I’m just saying my experience. It must be a very difficult diagnosis to live with for someone but let’s not pretend that means some people with this condition have symptoms which are harmful for others that get close to them.

I also wonder if because people talk about DBT curing BPD, then people assume the person suffering is to blame. They just need a little talking therapy to stop acting the way they do.

Whereas you can't cure Autism.

But actually, while people are understanding that Autism is a disorder that people are born with and can't help, it is not a free pass to behave appallingly and treat others disrespectfully. Parents of autistic children will tell you that they still teach right from wrong and help their children learn how to behave appropriately wherever possible.

I'm sorry, that must have been incredibly difficult to live with.

The only direct experience I have of anyone with BPD has been very, very negative, I've been on the receiving end of some horrendous episodes.

I admit due to this experience, I would avoid anyone if they told me they had BPD. I do realise not everyone with BPD is the same, but I was traumatised by certain behaviour and I wouldn't want to risk it.

If I have an episode then I'm clearly being manipulative and/or abusive.
If my husband has one, he can't help it he's autistic.

OP it's not clear who's saying this. Your DH? His parents? Other people?

Are you able to give any (vague if you prefer) examples of the negative experiences? If it's too painful or you would rather not then that's fine.

I'm asking as I do often wonder what parts of my personality my husband finds it difficult to live with, and what aspects of my behaviour he finds upsetting.

I'm not like the boyfriend mentioned in the above post. I fully take accountability when I'm in the wrong and don't project my own failings outwardly, in fact I'm probably my own harshest critic. There's nobody who judges me harder than I judge myself and I carry alot of shame for simply existing much of the time, such is the stigma of the condition.

I'm 100% certain I have it, despite the absence of a formal diagnosis, and have known for years.

The way BPD is thought about is what prevented me from having it rubber stamped, so to speak.

If you're an expectant mother with a BPD diagnosis on your record then Lord help you at your 'booking in' appointment with the midwifes.