To ask your opinion on casual recreational drug use as a mum?

[Easylittlethrowaway]

this concerns two close friends of mine but I will state up front that my own opinion is that we should mind our own business - a friend disagrees strongly as has made me feel shit about it so reaching out here for opinions.

Friend A is a single mum of a child with SEN. She gets zero help from child’s dad, either in contact or maintenance. She is, in my opinion, a bloody good mum. Fights hard for her son to get him what he needs, works full time in a senior position to keep them afloat. Doesn’t so much as touch a drop of alcohol when her son is in her care. Gets minimal help from family but her son does go for a sleepover at grandparents every couple of months.

When her son is at his grandparents, she dabbles a bit in recreational drug use - usually either weed or occasionally mdma. This is in the comfort of her own home, with her partner. Never uses enough to get completely off her face but clearly gets an experience out of it. I’ve known about this for ages and it’s never phased me, and I’ve been in her company once or twice so I know she knows her limits.

friend B recently found out about this through friend C. Friend B now wants to report friend A to social services.

fWIw I’ve never taken drugs but I think Friend B is being ridiculous and that the child is well taken care of at all times and friend A is allowed to let her hair down once every couple of months. AIBU?

"Your friend may not like it but a lot of parents take recreational drugs occasionally, many celebs especially- it doesn't make them bad parents."

It does make them scum parents, I would not want anyone like that near me or my kids.
You are so celebrity obsessed you need to get a life

As a recovering alcoholic, which is perfectly legal and killing millions of people around the world every year, a bit of weed or even the occasional dab of MDMA wouldn't concern me. I'm more concerned with the parents boozing every night or in pub gardens with play areas and we all think its normal.

I don't think it's wise, my view is being inebriated via drink or drugs once parenthood arrives is not on.
But what can you do, people do whatever.

@Hrpuffnstuff1

are you saying no one should ever get drink again once they have a kid??!

I used the word inebriated!

@12Thorns trafficking and slavery sadly is part of many different trades and industries, not just recreational drugs

I dont think drugs should be anywhere near kids, but it sounds like she is keeping it separate. I worry it would be a slippery slope and would become more prominent in her life but if it really is separate then no need to report to SS

@Hrpuffnstuff1

means the same thing

You typed ever get drink.

Now that maybe a typo, drunk.

No drugs and no getting drunk post children, they deserve better. Parental responsibility never ends for me.
Of course I have a drink but I limit the amount and no drugs.

Lots of judgemental comments on here from people who have blatantly got off their tits in a Slug and Lettuce on a jug of rose wine more than once in their life.

If anyone takes drugs and ever drives you should be concerned. If you value the lives of young black men who are the predominant victims (stabbings often) of the drugs trade then you should be concerned. If you don't want the deaths in several developing countries to continue as a result of the drugs trade then you should be concerned.

@LuckySantangelo35 just because there are issues in other industries, does not make it ok to support the wholly avoidable drugs trade.

The issue I'd have with this is that MDMA is, intentionally, designed to look like a child's sweet. Having it in the house with a child, even if she's not taking it with the child there, is too much of a risk for me. I wouldn't keep any other poison that was intentionally designed to look like something my child should want to eat in my house either.

The issue I'd have with this is that MDMA is, intentionally, designed to look like a child's sweet. Having it in the house with a child, even if she's not taking it with the child there, is too much of a risk for me. I wouldn't keep any other poison that was intentionally designed to look like something my child should want to eat in my house either.

@Switchin I think your drug knowledge is a little out of date, MDMA tends to come as a white powder.
MDMA can be mixed with other things to produce ecstasy tablets which I presume is what you're thinking of. Less commonly and less available these days (due to changes in popularity and limitations on getting the right chemicals - an effect of Brexit and covid that we don't tend to hear as much about!)

So what’s molly?

And is it different to Mandy? Confused.

Would you say the same if this was the occasional bottle of wine when the child was away?

@Hrpuffnstuff1

yeah sorry I meant get drunk.

do you honestly mean that?! No getting drunk post kids?! So if you go to a wedding without your kids or a night out with your mates or whatever you shouldn’t get drunk cos you have kids at home?! Eh? What? Why?!

Are you for real??

and your line about “parental responsibility never ends for me” is soooooo sanctimonious!!

@BiscuitLover3678 slang names for the same thing. MDMA sounds like Mandy, sort of!
It used to be that ecstasy tablets had a high amount of mdma generally, over time that changed and ecstacy varies a lot more (in potency and what it is cut with, so has a range of effects)
So these days the high from mdma and from tablets can be quite different. And dosing tends to be a bit easier to control with mdma powder compared to tablets.

Think your friend is being dramatic. And tbh quite nasty to do that! I wouldn’t take drugs recreationally now I’m a mom I have done when I was younger, kid free. But even if my child was away for the night It’s still responsibility, imagine something happening to your child and being on mdma..

if your friends a good mom like you described it’s her own business what she likes to do to unwind in her free time, I don’t think yabu your friend reporting her to ss is though

@Butteryflakycrust83

i dunno, I think many mumsnetters would be clutching their pearls at the very thought of this! They don’t go out and enjoy themselves at all because THATS NOT WHAT MOTHERS DO!!

So a girls weekend whilst the kids are home with Dad? Dirty weekend whilst the kids are with Nan? Until their 18 or never ever again? How about tipsy?

Yep, I'm really living this reality.
I don't see an issue with it.
My children have never seen me drunk and they never will. That's a decision I made when my daughters were born. I've never seen my parents drunk either.

A few drinks yes, sometimes I don't drink at all and I can quite happily stay out all night and did so regularly.

My children have never seen me drunk and they never will which I think until they're adults at least is reasonable but you're saying you v wouldn't be inebriated on a trip away from your girls when someone else is responsible for them is totally different.

Of course there's nothing wrong with not wanting to be drunk, lots of people don't enjoy it or the next morning. No one should be pushing anyone to get drunk. But frankly what I do on a long weekend away with my friends has nothing to do with my parenting unless I'm putting my life or liberty in danger