To ask your opinion on casual recreational drug use as a mum?

[Easylittlethrowaway]

this concerns two close friends of mine but I will state up front that my own opinion is that we should mind our own business - a friend disagrees strongly as has made me feel shit about it so reaching out here for opinions.

Friend A is a single mum of a child with SEN. She gets zero help from child’s dad, either in contact or maintenance. She is, in my opinion, a bloody good mum. Fights hard for her son to get him what he needs, works full time in a senior position to keep them afloat. Doesn’t so much as touch a drop of alcohol when her son is in her care. Gets minimal help from family but her son does go for a sleepover at grandparents every couple of months.

When her son is at his grandparents, she dabbles a bit in recreational drug use - usually either weed or occasionally mdma. This is in the comfort of her own home, with her partner. Never uses enough to get completely off her face but clearly gets an experience out of it. I’ve known about this for ages and it’s never phased me, and I’ve been in her company once or twice so I know she knows her limits.

friend B recently found out about this through friend C. Friend B now wants to report friend A to social services.

fWIw I’ve never taken drugs but I think Friend B is being ridiculous and that the child is well taken care of at all times and friend A is allowed to let her hair down once every couple of months. AIBU?

Then why not campaign to legalise marujuana? Then it would be regulated and would decrease the harm done. The phone battery in what you’re typing on was most likely mined by children for virtually no wage in dangerous conditions. Millions buy from fast fashion where kids work in dangerous factories and don’t receive education. We know these things are wrong but that doesn’t mean women who buy lots of clothes or an iPhone should be reported to social services.

@12Thorns ^

If you are going to go down the child slavery route then it's a hypocrtical stance to take as you are using a smart device and probably wearing gold or have cheap or designer brands in your wardrobe, there is a need for an adult discussion on drug use, it has been happening for millenia and will never go away, the majority of people I know who still regullarly take a teachers.

If you do want to get into the child slavery route, the drug trade is way down the list of of priority targets to start addressing the problem.

I think what she does in her own spare time, away from her child is really up to her.
A little dabble in weed every now and then, is not the same as say, a regular heroin or crack user.

Agree with those pointing out the hypocrisy of those that drink alcohol around their children who are condemning this mum who takes her drug of choice in a controlled environment away from her child. She has more discipline than most middle class parents I know - gleefully awaiting "wine o'clock".

I don't drink and have never taken illegal drugs. I judge most people's drug use (legal and illegal). But would never report someone for the occasional session.

’legal’ weed would be produced by paid workers and taxed. In other words cost around 10 x that produced by slaves. No one would buy it.

and as to your other pint, that really makes no sense at all. It’s ok to support an industry based on child slavery because other industries might be too? So what. I am talking specifically about THIS industry, using child slaves by the thousand, in the UK

’legal’ weed would be produced by paid workers and taxed. In other words cost around 10 x that produced by slaves. No one would buy it.

Tell that to the legal weed industry in America.

fortune.com/2022/04/11/legal-marijuana-sales-33-billion-2022/amp/

@12Thorns I’m not saying support the industry. I’m saying you’re a hypocrite because I bet you support industries that do the same and don’t feel so strongly on those. And where are you stats on the cost and whether people would buy legal maurjuana. Places that have legalised it indicate otherwise. Most people who smoke would rather buy their weed legally for a bit more and have it go on tax than have to get it unregulated. It wouldn’t be 10x the cost. Do some research

Isn’t it better to be a hypocrite than not care at all?

I’m sure people taking drugs also have phones and clothes.

I can take you to my DB's grave. He knew his limits too. One tablet was all it took. He was single/no kids but my opinion is you have no right to take those risks when you're a parent, especially her circumstances. Her child has no one else.

My tech and my clothing are ethically sourced, not that that has any relevance to the issue.

the drug trade is not a long way down the list of priorities for people concerned about child slavery. On the contrary, it is the biggest child slavery problem
in the Uk.

these are thousands and thousands of children, trafficked away from their homes, families, language and culture.

how can anyone have a more serious priority than that?

you are most likely sitting in comfort less than 10 miles from hungry, neglected and uneducated child slaves right now this moment.

you really think ‘so what- other places also have child slavery’ is an adequate response?

this is a parenting site. I can’t get my mind around the attitude that parents on this site have to being surrounded by child slavery.

I have done plenty of research thank you. I have been involved with these slaves for many years

Wouldn't be worried about the odd joint, but not so keen on MDMA, but to me it's just like having the odd drink. No worse than alcohol. SS would not be concerned

Why are so many people being so judgmental and parochial?!

she does it when her kid is not around.

when you become a mother, it doesn’t actually change you into a non - person. You will still wanna have a laugh and party and decompress when you have kids. People really need to be more accepting of this. Or would that really challenge the patriarchy too much?!

@Coachwork "I can take you to my DB's grave. He knew his limits too. One tablet was all it took. He was single/no kids but my opinion is you have no right to take those risks when you're a parent, especially her circumstances. Her child has no one else."

I'm sorry for your loss. My dh is medical and sadly what happened to your brother is really common.

I don't really know about drugs but wouldn't it be similar to a parent getting drunk when they are child free? Friend is overreacting imo if mother is perfectly sober when child is present.

why would you not judge someone who is supporting child trafficking and slavery?

I have zero tolerance for drug use, but as long as it happened when kid is away I wouldnt be the one to report anything. Doubt they would be interested anyways...

I couldn’t be friends with someone who did drugs either. The harm the drugs trade does to communities and young people (ie county lines) is inexcusable.

^ I agree. I would report her because if her judgement is this shit who knows what else is going on and I'd want to be sure SS had the chance to make their own decision.

@12Thorns you can buy 1kg of organic hemp seed for $2 wholesale and it retails at £7. Bearing in mind most weed that is smoked is the bud rather than the seed the yields would be much higher so probably closer to 1/10th rather than 10x. The UK is already the world's largest producer of legal cannabis so the regulatory framework and crop security are already in place. We are also one of the world's largest producers medicinal CBT oils which are banned from prescription in th the UK.

Now, where did I put my oramorph?

I assure you the price of cannabis will not go DOWN if producers are paid for their Labour …..

I know lots of school mums who partake in recreational drugs. I am very anti drugs so I find it truly disgusting, especially when their kids are at home sleeping upstairs.

@12Thorns prove it, and I mean with proper numbers not just wild assertions.

Commercially and legally grown UK hemp fibre sells at £170 per tonne, hemp seeds for CBD oil for £500 per tonne. The THT containing leaves and buds are disposed of. Savills HempSpotlight. The current black market price for cannabis is £10 per gram, that's £10million per tonne. That couldn't be more opposite than your claim.

The ethical issues with drugs are a very seperate issue from the issue of doing them when you have children, imo.

A lot of people on MN feel strongly about it but it's not something everyone thinks about I don't think, in the same way people don't always put much thought into buying clothes made in sweatshops or low welfare meat.

But regardless, I think the bottom line is that it would be really excessive to report her for doing drugs when the kids aren't even there due to the risk factor.