Asking DH if we can take out mortgage at 55

[EnglishDutch]

I want to move to be near to my recently bereaved 85 yo dad (I live an hour away from him). Lovely dream house has come up for sale over the road from him. Ideal in many respects. But it's a big stretch for us as it's offers over 450k (likely to go for 500k +). Our current house (no mortgage) is worth minimum 180k and we have 190k in savings. So would most likely need to take out a mortgage. We are both 55. Likely to inherit about 250k in next few years (my dad says).
OH flatly refuses to take out a mortgage. AIBU to ask him?
My dad said yesterday he would give me my inheritance early but then changed his mind as it would be unfair to my 2 brothers (I agree).

There is no way I would take out a mortgage dependent on a possible inheritance (if that's how you intend to pay it off).

Do you just want to move to be nearer to him
or do you love the area anyway ? Are you both currently working ? Mortgage aside, would moving an hour away affect your jobs, current social lives ?

Perhaps I'm missing something but if he flatly refuses, what's the point in asking him?

Also, I wouldn't start mentally spending your inheritance now incase your dad needs care or private medical treatment.

I’d say that using all of the equity in your current home, plus completely wiping out all of your savings, plus still requiring a mortgage at aged 55, is more than “a big stretch” - and relying on a future inheritance is foolish in the extreme.

YABU.

There must be properties in the area that are so able on your savings/house value that would work equally well.

Look at other options it isn’t this house or none.

You can’t afford that particular dream, OP. Sorry. You don’t have the wealth to buy that property. Look for something more reasonable nearer your dad.

What will you both do for jobs if you move further away? You can’t rely on inheritance as your dad may live for a long time and all of it may be spent on care home fees.

How will the mortgage payments be met? Does it mean DH will have to postpone an early retirement that would otherwise be possible? Can you meet them, would youbahve to postpone retirement?

I agree with PP, you can neither accept an early inheritance or rely on that inheritance incase DF needs care.

Does DH actually want to live near your father?

Wiping out your savings and taking on a mortgage at that age is incredibly risky, and honestly I think you would struggle to find a bank willing to lend to you anyway.

Moving to be nearer to him; we are both working, in some ways it would be better as it's a much easier commute to London (DH commutes 3 days a week)

We would both still be able to do our current jobs

We don’t really have enough information to know. What sort of multiple of your joint salary would the mortgage be? Would you have to change jobs? Is your OH willing to move without a mortgage?

Why is the only option closer to your Dad a house more than twice the value of your current home? It doesn't sound like he's that far away?

DH is willing to move without a mortgage. Jointly earn 120k per year plus bonuses. We wouldn't need to change jobs (it's nearer to DH's job)

Yes YABU if my DH tried this is think would wonder why he would be so ridiculous.
I wouldn't entertain any discussion at all over it. Hard no end of any discussion

Would you move to that area if your dad wasn’t there? I don’t want to be morbid, but if your dad is 85 he might be gone before you pay off the mortgage (and if you don’t inherit any money you’ll still have to pay the reminder of the loan off from your salaries).

Absolutely this!

It isn't the only option
We could move to a cheaper house. But the house that's come up for sale is particularly nice and very close to my dad.

My dad lives 60 miles away so for me that's a lot of trips up and down the motorway, and a lot of petrol. My brothers live too far away to help or spend much time with my dad

Of course it nice. Its way out of your budget. 🤣

My dad lives 60 miles away so for me that's a lot of trips up and down the motorway, and a lot of petrol.

But you're willing to wipe out all your savings and take out a mortgage? Surely that's going to cost WAY more money than the fuel to drive 120 miles a couple of times a month?

Sorry, can your Dad not sell up and move to be nearer you? A retirement complex would be ideal?

You can never rely on an inheritance as your fall back to pay it off. Your dad could live another 15 years and if he goes into a care home that would take a big chunk of any money you may now think you might get.

Yes, do it. I took out a new mortgage (late 50s) to h elp son buy a property. I will work until I die (work for myself) and have been paying it off quite quickly as I earn the money to do. You earn £120k between you and could well work into your 70s. However you cannot force a husband to take on a mortgage if he will not (I assume husband not living together as legal issues totally different if you are not married)

The house might be lovely but it's way out of your budget.

Even if your could get a mortgage for it do you really want to tie yourself into a mortgage that could last into your retirement or even mean you couldn't afford to retire?

Surely it's moot anyway if your DH point blank refuses to consider a mortgage.

Can’t your dad move closer to you?