Asking DH if we can take out mortgage at 55

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I want to move to be near to my recently bereaved 85 yo dad (I live an hour away from him). Lovely dream house has come up for sale over the road from him. Ideal in many respects. But it's a big stretch for us as it's offers over 450k (likely to go for 500k +). Our current house (no mortgage) is worth minimum 180k and we have 190k in savings. So would most likely need to take out a mortgage. We are both 55. Likely to inherit about 250k in next few years (my dad says).
OH flatly refuses to take out a mortgage. AIBU to ask him?
My dad said yesterday he would give me my inheritance early but then changed his mind as it would be unfair to my 2 brothers (I agree).

In the kindest way possible, what you are suggesting is financial madness, it is using all your savings and assets to buy a house you can’t afford and that without considering uprooting yourselves, the costs of being further away from work/friends/family.

Set a room for you in your dad’s house and go and stay over often and when is needed, no need to sacrifice all your financial security especially if he may need to go to a nursing home in the next few years any way. Alternatively, set a bedroom for him at yours, but bear in mind that he may not want to move anyway.

?

Many people put their savings into property and release equity when required, of which they’ll have around £350k

The property market is likely to go pop in the next 18 months. There is more sense losing 10% of £200ishk than 10% of £500k. Interest rates will rise, payments will get bigger, notwithstanding what you spend on stamp duty which is a sunk cost. Add in a recession, possible job loss and the increased costs of a bigger house and what you are suggesting becomes very unwise.

At 55 one of you could develop a chronic illness that prevents you from working and critical I'll health insurance is expensive at 55.

I am a risk taker. This is not the point in the cycle to take risks.

He's already got a generous pension so has no plans to put additional payments into it. I put an extra bit every month into my pension

I’m sorry for your loss.

I think your husband has the right of it here.

Your mum only died a few weeks ago. It is poor decision-making to make big life changes so soon after a major bereavement, and I think you would regret it long-term.

Both you and your dad will still be working through very raw grief, which will impact your emotional state and decision-making abilities in quite unusual ways.

I wonder if your husband is trying to be kind/discreet here. He may well privately think it’s too soon to be making big changes, but doesn’t want to upset you by saying this. By taking on an unwillingness to take out a big mortgage he is shouldering the responsibility for nixing that decision. Saving face for you, basically.

Perhaps keep the idea on ice and if you still really want to move closer at the end of this year, make plans then.

So you want to upsize from a £180k house to a £500k house at age 55! Not surprised he said no. Pure madness …

A 12 year only mortgage is a killer. We are 55 and have just remortgaged with the maximum term allowed on 12 years (to 67). We have massive equity and very generous pension but 67 was a but off for anything except a very small mortgage

It's not always possible to release equity as and when required unless doing something else financially naive with an equity release company. Savings in a savings account are accessible in hours in case of emergency, not so in property.

Can you afford the mortgage on your salary alone?

Thank you! Wise words ...
There is a bit of history, in that DH is averse to being in debt, although we have taken out loans in the past which we've always paid back quickly (eg for a property abroad that DH wanted). This would probably be a bigger debt but our income and earning power is also much bigger now than it used to be

I could, and I have thought about it. But it would still affect the joint finances so I feel it's a big decision we would need to agree on

I was thinking exactly the same about the property market, especially interest rates.

And at mid-50s, you cannot see the future in terms of how long you'll be able to work. A friend has just lost her husband to cancer at 56 - he was diagnosed less than a year ago.

Just to echo, also, that it's not somply a case of "not fair" to siblings for Dad to consider giving you a share of his wealth right now - as others have said, were he to need care, it would be regarded as 'deprivation of assets' and you'd be expected to hand it back.

My Mum died in 2017 and Dad (now 89) developed signs of demential shortly after; he's had carers 4 times a day for 3 years (and had to pay for it) but recently had to go into a care home. His savings will be depleted until they're down to £22,500 to pay for it.

It's very doable on your combined salaries.

Your DH not having to commute 3 days a week and you saving on huge fuel bills and travelling time would be a huge bonus.

The 2 questions I would have are:

How secure are your jobs?
How certain are you that your DF will leave you £250k?

Your DF could get dementia and leave it to the donkeys sanctuary.
Another factor is that wills can and are changed all the time, particularly when families are in each other's pockets and there are big fall-outs.

It sounds as if you would easily be able to afford the payments. It just sounds as if it’s about choice of what you want to spend your money on, do you have any other plans for the savings? The only thing I would say is how would you feel if you’re Dad were to pass away, would you still feel happy in the new house? I always think what’s the point in saving for a rainy day when you don’t know what’s round the corner but that’s probably why we don’t have any money!

I think it would be best to wait a while before making major decisions when you've been bereaved. A previous poster suggested the option of renting near your dad and also renting your house out, which could be a good way of trying it out before doing anything permanent.

Could your dad move nearer to you?

She doesn't need to rely on a 'potential inheritance' as they would have a large deposit and jointly earn 120k. Can't see what people are finding so ludicrous about it myself.

OP only you know if you'd be able to get your DH on board with this. You say it's your dream house so got to be worth looking into further. You're not exactly a low earner and you only live once.

Could you take out an interest only mortgage for the additional funds. If you inherit, pay it off. If not plan to downsize in 10 years.

Have you actually done a mortgage calculation? Dont forget you’d need £15K stamp duty before you even factor in other moving costs.
A 10 year mortgage will cost you IRO £1500 pm. Plus you’d have no savings left.
Your DF would be very unwise to give you any substantial money at his age. Should he require care, it could be seen as deprivation of assets.

I'm very sorry to hear that you have lost your mum so recently. Losing a parent is very hard. It forces you to realise that life is short and to face your own and your Dad's mortality.

However, I think this is clouding your better judgement here, so I am on team DH. I'm afraid I would not agree to another mortgage at age 55. You've managed to become mortgage free, which presumably is now making life much more comfortable financially, even though your salaries are good. You need to stay that way and build up your savings and pensions much further.

I understand why you feel the need to move. We lost my Dad just over a year ago and the result is that my now widowed elderly mother lives alone, a three hour drive away from us. She also has her own health issues.

Moving house has to make financial sense too. What you are proposing doesn't. It sounds as though you could afford to buy a different house outright near to your Dad. Surely that would make more sense financially if you feel you really must move.

Sorry, but I do feel that your DH is right to put the brakes on this. Mortgage free status adds to your financial security and isn't something to be given up lightly, especially at 55. That is the age when many people are looking to be done with mortgages, not to take another one on. He is probably also happy as he is, even though he has indicated that he may consider a move if no mortgage was involved. Again, that seems sensible to me.

Look for a cheaper house that will need no mortgage. If that doesn't work out then maybe take on a short term rental near to your Dad so that you can take your time to get a feel for how things look likely to go. Don't just plunge straight into an expensive house purchase. It could end up being an expensive mistake.

to read this thread you'd think people have one foot in the coffin at 55..you could be working another 20 years. I don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility to buy a bigger property.

badhappening - Jobs are fairly secure. They depend on us, how hard we work but we've done them for 20 odd years so can't see anything awful happening. Unexpected events like covid did not affect our jobs either.
Re my dad leaving me 250k, he and my mother (recently deceased) worked out their will in a lot of detail including funding for care homes. Their estate is currently being valued as part of the probate process and is over £1m apparently. This is to be shared between me and 2 brothers.

I would do it as you are both still working and will end up with a much more valuable property. I don’t see the issue.

Go for it OP & if your Dad does want to help you out it's ok to accept that help particularly if you end up providing the care that your father needs.

Not sure why everyone seems to think your Dad has not got long to go - he could have another 15 yrs. Your mortgage might be paid off by then.

Madness to put 190k into a debt.