Asking DH if we can take out mortgage at 55

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I want to move to be near to my recently bereaved 85 yo dad (I live an hour away from him). Lovely dream house has come up for sale over the road from him. Ideal in many respects. But it's a big stretch for us as it's offers over 450k (likely to go for 500k +). Our current house (no mortgage) is worth minimum 180k and we have 190k in savings. So would most likely need to take out a mortgage. We are both 55. Likely to inherit about 250k in next few years (my dad says).
OH flatly refuses to take out a mortgage. AIBU to ask him?
My dad said yesterday he would give me my inheritance early but then changed his mind as it would be unfair to my 2 brothers (I agree).

But just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should.

I've read SO many threads on here from people in their sixties who are suddenly really struggling with full-time work, despite loving it just 4-5 years earlier. Lots of people are looking to cut down their working hours in their fifties and sixties - they're planning for retirement or at least semi-retirement, not for new homes and mortgage commitments.

So, I really don't blame the DH for not wanting to take on a brand new mortgage at 55. I would personally at least want the option to go part-time in my sixties, without the worry of a new mortgage hanging around my neck, especially if taking on that mortgage would also mean wiping out all my savings on top.

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow it’s not preparing for the grave, but if health problems do present then being able to take early retirement or go part time without panicking about mortgage repayments is a huge positive.

You’d be absolutely mad to saddle yourselves with a perhaps £200k mortgage at 55, leaving you with zero savings. Unless you’ve got a magnificent pension pot you haven’t mentioned, it would be batshit. Are you planning to work until you’re 80?

OP is 55, not 95. I feel sad for everyone in their 50s who decides they are too old to follow their dreams because of a fear of ill-health.

I think the 'dream house' element is misleading. This isn't really about following dreams. This is about moving opposite an 85yo dad. If living there was their dream, on those salaries and as it's closer to work etc, they could have moved there at any point in the last two decades if it really was their dream. And the ill-health element is in people's minds because the DM has passed and the DF may well decline in health, and these things are at the crux of the move. She's not talking about going travelling or making a longed for career move or somesuch dream which I'm sure people would be more supportive about. This is a sudden reaction to a sad situation and people, including her DH, are rightly urging caution.

if you don’t use every bit of your savings, (keep around 6 months in savings or have at least a buffer)
What would you need to borrow and what would the yearly mortgage payments be like if interest rates rose eg 2%

Then compare how much commute costs and fuel costs you and Dh would save over a year.

Whilst initially the immediate answer is don’t do it. When you look at it as purely a financial transaction it might be worth your while or at least not going to cost that much different than you are spending atm

The extra money for the 3 return train tickets each week to go into London

You doing 120 mile round trips twice per week, even if your car does 40 mpg that is an extra 6 gallons of fuel per week
Add the depreciation and extra repair costs of putting an extra 12000miles per year on your car could be an extra £100-200 per month.
If I were to guess I think you are spending in drinks and drabs and deprecating value of your car about £550-650 per month.

Whilst your Dh wants to save money, living where you do could be looked at as an expensive option.

On a personal level though is your life where you live happy. Have you good friends and a sense of belonging.
I ask because I do think that after a traumatic event I can see the need to want to comfort your father and want him to be ok and for you to be around family and to grieve. But the idea of selling up and moving I think comes from maybe a dissatisfaction with where you currently live

I feel sad for people who think having everything they own tied up in a house bigger than they need is a dream 😆

It's not that 55 is too old to follow your dreams, it's that if you saddle yourself with a large mortgage and spend all your savings at this stage in your life, you options for "dreams" are significantly reduced.

I doubt whether OP's DH sees this house a s a dream anyway.

OP is 55, not 95. I feel sad for everyone in their 50s who decides they are too old to follow their dreams because of a fear of ill-health.

But the option here isn't "take on a mortgage and use all your savings" vs "nothing". They could move and buy a cheaper house if they wanted to - it's not all or nothing.

A 55 year old woman in the UK has a life expectancy of 31 years. Some older people experience ill-health, but many are healthy and active into their 70s and 80s. Three-quarters of 80 year olds still live independently.

There's a big difference between being fit and well enough to travel and do sports/hobbies, and being able to commit to a full-time working week. On the same level, living independently just means you still live in your own home - most eighty year olds will be receiving some form of care, either paid or from family members.

The OP and her DH need life assurance and critical illness cover, just like anyone else with a mortgage. They do not need to start preparing themselves for the grave

It's not "preparing yourself for the grave" to decide that you don't want the commitment of a mortgage well into your sixties 🙄

Of course it's not wiping out their equity, it's transferring that equity into a different property.

They are not relying on an inheritance to pay off the mortgage- they earn £120k a year which they would use to pay it off.

The possible inheritance is a side thing that may bolster their finances when it comes, if it isn't used for care home fees.

OP, a £150k mortgage on your salaries is affordable. Have you asked your husband specifically about this now, with a view to offering on this particular property? If there was a different property for sale that wouldn't require a mortgage would he be up for the move? How is the £180k of savings invested and would it be possible/sensible to use that as deposit or is it tied up? (And if it is in cash and you're not planning to use it for buying a property, do consider how much you are losing in inflation and consider investing some of it elsewhere - in pensions if you're not maxxing those out).

I agree that the frequent visits will take their toll on you - a move closer to your dad (or him to you) seem sensible. And closer to your dh's work would also seem sensible. But perhaps this isn't the right property and perhaps you do want to let some time pass since your bereavement before making any major decisions.

Will your dad visit and stay with you for a week or two at a time? If you mainly wfh can you visit and stay with him to reduce the travel but maximise spending time together?

I think you should move, it sounds like it would improve your quality of life, and your salary means you could pay off the mortgage pretty quickly, particularly if you made an effort to cut your expenses for a while.

What is your partner's specific objection?

Another option is to ask for a loan off of your dad, and pay that back over the next few years. Would that worry your partner less? A loan rather than early inheritence might feel fairer with the other siblings.

Plus if things went wrong you could always sell the house again, you won't end up with no equity at all.

You say your dad doesn't have a big social network - would moving him nearer to you help or is he not wanting to leave the family home?
Could you live with him for a bit so dh gets used to the area?

This seems really illogical to me. You’d be moving to be nearer your dad but you are relying on his inheritance to pay the mortgage off. When your dad is gone, will you still want the house and area?

You are unreasonable asking this on mumsnet, as most people here seem to think everyone over 60 is physically and mentally enfeebled. It sounds as though you have plenty of income to repay a mortgage, even if you will need to get it over a shorter period.
Nobody can predict the future, but if inflation remains high, you may end up much better off by borrowing now, if the value of the property rises and the real value of cash savings falls.

You mentioned that you had previously bought a house abroad. Do you still own that house? Could you sell it and put the money towards a new house closer to your dad?

But the option here isn't "take on a mortgage and use all your savings" vs "nothing". They could move and buy a cheaper house if they wanted to - it's not all or nothing

They would not be using all their savings. They would be investing them in a property which - barring some unexpected national financial catastrophe (which would likely wipe out other forms of savings too) - will gain in value. When they eventually sell the new house, they can repay off any remaining mortgage. They are not reliant on an inheritance.

Property typically outperforms most other forms of savings. Equities (shares) are even better but also higher risk. Yes, in an ideal world, you would have a mixture of both, but putting it all in property is hardly reckless, looking at the performance of property over the last century. It's actually a bigger risk to leave it in savings that are unlikely to outperform inflation.

Yes, the OP could buy a smaller house. But she wants a larger one. And - contrary to many posts on here - there is nothing reckless or foolish about making this sort of investment at 55.

I'd go for it but maybe find a cheaper house

What are your husband's retirement plans and will this mean he has to keep working for longer? Does he actually want to live over the road from your dad? (And what does he do that gives annual bonuses of £40k?).

I think financially it’s doable and there’s the possibility to pay off a mortgage sooner with inheritance or with pension lump sum.

BUT…
1- imagine your dad is no longer living in the house opposite, would this still be an area/road you want to move to?
2- in maybe 5-10 years time, would you want to move again? Downsize?

I think you need to consider
-where you both want to live for the rest of your lives and
-if one of you had to give up work for health reasons (not necessarily you if your parents are living long lives) how you pay off the mortgage and again, where would you want to be living.

£150k mortgage doesn’t sound particularly large on your joint income. I should point out that my mortgage is £475k so it seems small to me! I I don’t think about the size of my mortgage. I look at the amount of equity we have. Approx £550-£600k in our case. You would have a sizeable sum of equity and could sell and buy something cheaper if necessary. We have paid £100k off our mortgage in the last five years (original mortgage was £575k). Our joint income is a bit more but we’ve had school fees on top. I you set your mind to it you could pay £150k off is less than ten years.

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐I lost my Dad in January unexpectedly, 4 days after I told him we would be moving up this year having tried the previous couple of years.

We are going ahead as it is financially advantageous, we decided to move 2.5 years ago and and I really want to be close to my Stepmother and transport links for my DC. Also my DH will be able to retire quicker. There’s also a massive sense of wanting to go home.

It has been massively stressful and my physical health is suffering really badly. My advice is take some time to grieve, it’s very early days yet.

I am sorry for your loss

There is a saying, not to make any drastic changes for a year after a bereavement

Do you need to set up certain things for your DF ?
Examples
Power of attorney
Order delivery of regular medication from the pharmacy
Cleaner once a week
Gardener
A social activity
Online food shop
Can your sibling phone/email/Skype once a week

Driving to visit once a week is fine for a few months & see how it goes

Moving is a dramatic step & too soon ?

I'm not sure why some posters think it's a daft idea. A mortgage will be perfectly affordable on your joint salary. It's worth discussing with your DH although if he doesn't want to take on the debt that's understandable too. You may need to think of a compromise.

A very good point. I am not too far off retirement and have always felt fairly comfortable with the prospect of working until I am 66. Unfortunately, I've recently developed totally unexpected health issues and am now struggling with the idea of continuing for another 4 years (fairly stressful job). 😕

But the point is, if you put all your savings into your property, you can't access it in an emergency.

I would never put ALL my savings into property - I would always want a decent amount in easy to access bank accounts so that it was there to use immediately if I needed it.

OP might want a larger house, but her DH doesn't so she's going to have to compromise somewhere.

I've read SO many threads on here from people in their sixties who are suddenly really struggling with full-time work, despite loving it just 4-5 years earlier. Lots of people are looking to cut down their working hours in their fifties and sixties - they're planning for retirement or at least semi-retirement, not for new homes and mortgage commitments.

They won't have to work forever just because they've taken out a larger mortgage for a bigger house. If they want to retire in five years time and do not have money from another source to pay off the mortgage (e.g. inheritance), they can just downsize. The house will probably have gone up in value and they won't lose money from doing that.