Asking DH if we can take out mortgage at 55

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I want to move to be near to my recently bereaved 85 yo dad (I live an hour away from him). Lovely dream house has come up for sale over the road from him. Ideal in many respects. But it's a big stretch for us as it's offers over 450k (likely to go for 500k +). Our current house (no mortgage) is worth minimum 180k and we have 190k in savings. So would most likely need to take out a mortgage. We are both 55. Likely to inherit about 250k in next few years (my dad says).
OH flatly refuses to take out a mortgage. AIBU to ask him?
My dad said yesterday he would give me my inheritance early but then changed his mind as it would be unfair to my 2 brothers (I agree).

Taking on mortgage would mean they would need to keep working.

A lot of people mortgage free at that age are thinking about early retirement or going part time etc.

It's something both of them need to be on board with as it will mean taking on a big debt.

Speculation.

not everyone wants to stop working at 55. I definitely don't.

if it's between being retired living in the wrong house in the wrong place VS working and having a nice lifestyle or close to loved ones, I know what I'd chose

Agree with all the PPs saying not to rely on the inheritance to repay the mortgage. But much of the rest of the advice is barking. You're not 'losing' your equity in your current property, as some have said - you're investing it in a new property. Yes, that comes with risk, because you will be heavily invested in property, but you might have 40 or more years of life ahead of you, including a decade or more of working. You don't have to give up on your dreams at 55, FFS.

Hi
Some sensible, compassionate and understanding posts on here! Thank you all. It is difficult when you're dealing with loss, and maybe (as lots have pointed out) not the time to make big life-changing decisions.

🌺

This, sorry OP but your DH is right and whats even more worrying is your main engagement with pro-posters. It's a really dumb idea.

OP, my mum and my stepdad and me, DP and DC are about to sell both homes and purchase a bigger property where we’re going to be building an annexe. It’s a huge and scary undertaking but something that we all want.

for various reasons, my mum will have to take out a small £60k mortgage. She’s over 70 yrs old and currently mortgage free. I can’t take the mortgage out in my name as it’s a two-step move with her property being sold first. I’ll be paying the mortgage but the debt is in my mum’s name (if she had to, she could comfortably afford the repayments herself but that’s not the plan).

It was my mum’s idea to get a mortgage in her name. It means she’ll have us close to her which is what she very much wants. And I have two disabled DC so it will be helpful for me too.

I don’t think you’re bonkers to consider it. It sounds like your overall quality of life would improve in many ways and property values always rise in the long term so it’s a good investment for your future. I would do it, if I were in your shoes.

Am I missing something? This wouldn’t be a big mortgage, it could be cleared in 10 years and most people I know have terms that take them right up to retirement age before they are repaid (me included). They are both working so I’m going to hazard a guess that they will make the repayments from salary? This is a weird thread.

Don't do it! You are now hitting the age where health problems may start to occur and the idea of taking out a mortgage is really daft.

That is the age when many people are looking to be done with mortgages, not to take another one on.

ha! Most banks are lending with terme ending up to age 70 with few questions asked. The majority of people who are under 40 now will not be mortgage free by 55 and many won’t even be able to buy in the first place. If it gets too much, they could sell but I can’t see how a loan that’s less than their combined annual salaries (by contrast, mine is 4.5 x salary) is a crazy idea that someone would have to be nuts to consider.

When my mum died my dad sold their house and moved within 9 months. He's often said he wished he hadn't done it, so perhaps leave it for at least a year before you decide?

I'm surprised that most posters are advising aginst tbh. I would do it - nicer house, very close to your Dad, saving on your trips to see him, much easier commute for your DH. You can easily afford the repayments without having to rely on possible future inheritance. Enormous (from my perspective) work bonus can pay off big chunk of mortgage or replenish savings.

Don't do it! You are now hitting the age where health problems may start to occur and the idea of taking out a mortgage is really daft.

is everyone here 50+ and living in a low cost housing area where they became mortgage free at 40 or something? Because in my world, 50 somethings work full time and most won’t retire til close to 70. I work with lots of people of all ages and it’s really not common for people in their 50s to give up work due to ill health.

Clearly you are grieving and it may take a while before you come to a decision. A few things come to mind.

How long do you envisage visiting twice a week, is it just while he settles?
Does your dad actually want you living that close long term?
Do you want to become your dads carer by default, how would this affect yours and DH's future plans as he becomes more dependant?
Is it the house you've seen or being close to your dad that's driving the move?

Finally if you are going to take on this role then I don't see how it can be unfair to receive your inheritance early to enable you to do it. You are not on an equal footing with your brothers if you are providing support and care and changing your lifestyle to support your dad and they are not.

The offer could also be made to your brothers do they want early inheritance to enable them to move closer to dad and provide care and support?

HNRTT but if the sums work then could the sums work if your DF has liquid assets but is squeamish about a gift to loan you the £80k to £130k formally secured against the house so it doesn't disadvantage your DBs but you still move to his benefit?

Everyone is concentrating on your combined salaries, but it's disposable income that you ought to be looking at. You will be able to get a 12 year mortgage but rates are rising at the same time that a housing crash is predicted. You will be wiping out your savings but moiving is expensive and the new house might require repairs etc. How will you cover emergency expenses without savings? When all your equity is tied up in a house, are you prepared to dip into your pension funds if necessary? I suggest you create an outgoings spreadsheet and see an independent financial adviser before proceeding. If the answer is positive, your husband might then come on board. Personally, I wouldn't do it as it's too risky having all your eggs in one basket at 55.

This ☝️- we know mum intended to leave money to us and the grandchildren. She changed her mind once the doctor said she’d live into her nineties. Then she started on about spending it all (there’s a history with her, not least around money), obviously her choice to do so. Sadly she is now 90 and has dementia so it’s likely it will all be going on her care home fees.

I don’t think that unreasonable at all op. Sounds like a lovely property and any mortgage would be affordable. If you dh won’t go along with it though that’s his choice

I seem to be in the minority here but I think what you are proposing is completely reasonable and I would do it

Yeah agreed! 55 is not old! And you can get mortgages up to 70 - in fact there’s no upper age limit in some cases.

Hi dustandroses,
I envisage visits to my dad getting more, not less, frequent.

I don't particularly want to be a carer by default. But one of my brothers is unable to do it due to mental health issues, and the other has just taken a job in Norway. I am unable to switch off my caring mode; I helped care for my mum as she died and I now worry about my dad getting isolated. He does not have the wide social network that my mum had.
My dad would love me to be nearer. My husband thinks that my dad could buy half the house (ie co-own it), then it would be included in the entire estate when he dies. This would be do-able but my dad thinks it's messy. Also if we did this, I would prefer to have the discussion / offer that opportunity to my brothers so that things are transparent.

It's being closer, firstly, and the house, secondly. I have wanted to move that way for a long time to be closer to my parents. My husband has resisted for reasons too long and complicated to bore you with here!

I'm very intersted to hear this, has it changed in recent years ? My BIL (actually they are not married) is 58 I think their mortage is until he is 70. Also SMIL ( she is 63- I think) has another 15 years.

My dad would love me to be nearer. My husband thinks that my dad could buy half the house (ie co-own it), then it would be included in the entire estate when he dies

This sounds sensible.

OP is 55, not 95. I feel sad for everyone in their 50s who decides they are too old to follow their dreams because of a fear of ill-health. A 55 year old woman in the UK has a life expectancy of 31 years. Some older people experience ill-health, but many are healthy and active into their 70s and 80s. Three-quarters of 80 year olds still live independently.

The OP and her DH need life assurance and critical illness cover, just like anyone else with a mortgage. They do not need to start preparing themselves for the grave.

You say you're worried about him being lonely but also that he refuses to move. So he's not worried about being lonely and your siblings aren't worried about it either, nor is your DH. Again, it's the woman who goes through all the worry and all the upheaval, expense and stress you're proposing, when your DF himself doesn't even want to consider moving. Honestly, I'd take some time to get perspective, and don't even do all those motorways trips unless you really have the time and inclination. Maybe he needs to see how he copes for himself in order to realise it's him who needs to move. Or maybe he'll be absolutely fine and no one will need to move. Or six months to a year down the line, you might find an ideal house well within your budget that's much closer but not over the road.

In essence, there's no need to go off the deep end, going from a 180K mortgage free house to a 500k+ mortgaged house, from an hour away to over the road, and making yourself the sole solution to your dad's situation while causing new problems for yourself and DH. Right now, your issue is your grief. Sit with that, work through it, and let the rest fall into place when you're less emotionally-motivated.