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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did anyone else get rude comments about their looks growing up?

199 replies

Eggandcheesemuffin · 05/06/2022 09:53

I used to have a very large gap between my front teeth, crooked bottom teeth as well. Had various comments over the years, even a 'friend' told me I'd be so pretty if 'only I fixed my teeth'.

In adulthood I decided to look into braces but then people started saying, oh you don't need braces your teeth are fine etc..
It didn't seem to stop men being attracted to me but they always bothered me.
Anyway I have straight teeth now with no gap as I got Invisalign braces.

Next, my nose, I used to have quite a prominent side profile with a bump. Two (not very nice) exes took it upon themselves to tell me I had a big nose. It wasn't just them, I'd never liked it myself. As the front was fine, I started to get nose filler which I still get today. It's significantly improved my nose, people tell me I don't need it but I feel like I don't want to go back to my old nose.

Also had very bad acne which the same ex and 'friend' commented on. The ex told me he had been 'embarrassed to be seen with me in public' because my spots were so bad.
Acne was more of a common issue so people weren't as mean about it, but with age it's just cleared up, and I only have a couple of spots now though I remember being at the front of a class and some kids whispering "She's got a really spotty face."

With the awful ex, I came across a text one day that his female friend had sent him, when she found out he was interested in me. She said, "Don't go for her, she's really ugly! You can't possibly stoop so low!"

Of course that made me feel great.

Anyway I'm happy with my looks today although it's sad I ended up 'fixing" all these things. Just thinking about it today made me angry. Why did any of these people feel the right to pick on my looks like that? Has anyone else been through this?

OP posts:
orwellwasright · 05/06/2022 09:54

Redhead here so yes.

Eggandcheesemuffin · 05/06/2022 09:55

That sucks :( just feels like such a shallow society sometimes

OP posts:
RollOnWinter · 05/06/2022 09:56

I had comments about my freckles. I haven't had them on my face for many years now, though, as I wear sunblock and foundation. I've also always had a gap between my top 2 teeth. I'm 63 now and it hasn't bothered me.

ShirleyJackson · 05/06/2022 10:00

Yup.

Ginger hair - so Duracell, ginger nut, ginger minge, etc.
Terrible acne - pizza face.
Flat chest was pointed out.
Then someone very close to me told me she was surprised I hadn’t had a nose job ‘because it’s not a small nose, is it?’

I’ve had zero confidence in my looks my whole life, which is sad, because looking back on my 20s and 30s, I was so pretty. That stuff stays with you, though.

SunnyLobelia · 05/06/2022 10:01

Yes. I recall asking my mother when i was about 8 if I was pretty. She paused and then carefully said 'You are unusual looking'.

Every woman in my paternal family has had alot of cosmetic surgery. My aunt once commenetd when i was a teen that; 'I looked alot like you until I got my face fixed'.

I broke my nose riding horses when I was about 17 and the doctor said helpfully he could straighten it and give me a nose job at the same time.

I am not sure how I feel about it. I hate how I look. I never pay attention to my appearance. I am sure future generations will look at our family photos and wonder at DH raising his children alone because there are no pictures of me anywhere. My DH says I am the most beautiful woman in the world and my elder DS (aged 12) this week when I was groaning to myself after doing my makeup bellowed at the top of his voice ; 'WE WILL HAVE NO BODY SHAMING IN THIS HOUSE' Grin Grin

StickyFingeredWeeNed · 05/06/2022 10:02

All. The. Time.

one ex told me my teeth made me “look like a hobo”. 🙄

they’re not even that bad - not Hollywood/turkey teef for sure though. I have trigeminal neuralgia and had lots of investigatons at the dental hospital. I was told repeatedly there is nothing wrong with my teeth - good and healthy - and normal for a 70s child. Part of me would love to get Invisalign but I know I’d be in for a world of pain due to demyelination. 🤷‍♀️

the older I get though, the more I enjoy faces with ”character” - eg the big nose/ears/eyebrows.

hidethetoaster · 05/06/2022 10:02

Yep, lots about my weight including from DM who told me when I wore a dress I was particularly keen on that I looked like a sack of potatoes. Still not over it!

SunnyLobelia · 05/06/2022 10:02

(PS to previous posters- gaps between the top front teeth are a weakness of mine. Always attractive and sexy- wish I had one!)

StickyFingeredWeeNed · 05/06/2022 10:03

I also sport a broken nose due to an unscheduled dismount from a badly behaved pony. 😂

lobelia your son is a superstar!

user3199 · 05/06/2022 10:04

As a young teenager, a random boy in my school made a comment as I passed him in the corridor 'why are your eyes so far apart'.

When I was 17 I did work experience in a primary school - a young boy aged about 5 innocently said 'you've got spots all over your face'.

I had really short hair as a young kid - when I was about 5, another girl the same age said 'you must be a boy because you have boys hair'.

Aged around 12, I saw my mum's friend for the first time in a while - she said to my mum in front of me 'she's lost her puppy fat'. I had never been a fat child, nor chubby and hadnt ever given my weight any thought before.

These comments have stuck with me all these years (am now in my 40s). Not only the comments, I can recall the exact situations in which they were said and how I felt so they had a big (negative) impact on me.

A school friend overheard other girls laughing about her and calling her a whale when she was a young teenager. She was very slightly overweight. The comment upset her and she later developed an eating disorder and lost a lot of weight. Through away comments can be so very hurtful.

CounsellorTroi · 05/06/2022 10:07

I had buck teeth and wore glasses, so yes….yes I did. A lot.

Pyewhacket · 05/06/2022 10:07

Red hair too but the only shitty comments came from my mother !.

Mabelface · 05/06/2022 10:07

Yes, although there is nothing wrong with my face and I was a pretty little thing, looking back. It was just horrible people. My nose is slightly bigger than average, but it's my nose and I like it.

user3199 · 05/06/2022 10:07

@SunnyLobelia your son is awesome!!!!

Have a big happy photo taken with him today ☺️

SunnyLobelia · 05/06/2022 10:10

user3199 · 05/06/2022 10:07

@SunnyLobelia your son is awesome!!!!

Have a big happy photo taken with him today ☺️

AAAh that's a great idea!

He is awesome, thanks. :)

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 05/06/2022 10:11

Thick curly hair
Glasses
always a bit chubby
very tall for my age until about 14
boobs quite early

oh yes, I know all about personal insults based on looks

user3199 · 05/06/2022 10:12

When I look at old school photos I can see now that with only a few exceptions that the popular, pretty/handsome girls/boys were no better looking than anyone else. Maybe better haircuts, makeup, clothes. But not really any different to anyone else really.

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 05/06/2022 10:13

Yes, mostly from my mother unfortunately.

Apandemicyousay · 05/06/2022 10:14

totally relate to this. The worst low for me was discovering a bloke had only snogged me for a bet. Took years to recover (not sure if I have).

My 9 yr old (who’s perfect!) asked me a year ago if she was fat. I was horrified that she was even thinking like this and when asked why, turns out lots of adult family friends who haven’t seen her for a while due to pandemic say “ hasn’t she grown/ isn’t she big etc”, when of course they mean tall. Kids are so literal, but it’s made me more precise when saying that in front of others’ kids.

Reallyreallyborednow · 05/06/2022 10:14

Oh god yes.

mainly about my weight- a lot of “puppy fat” comments. When I swam competitively it was my big shoulders.

comments about my “piano hands”- for lifting, not playing.

my perception of myself now is a big chunky weightlifter type. I have no concept of what I actually look like. Even when I lost 2 stone and was bordering underweight I still felt “big”

Izzabellasasperella · 05/06/2022 10:15

Yes. I recall asking my mother when i was about 8 if I was pretty. She paused and then carefully said 'You are unusual looking'.

My Mum said almost the same thing to me at around that age!
Thanks Mum for starting my low self esteem around the way I looked.

crossstitchingnana · 05/06/2022 10:18

Yup. My nose. It's very long and I have literally had people laugh in my face. When I was a teen I wanted a nose job, now I say "sod them." Since I became more confident about it I have had fewer comments. Oh children have said things like "you look like the child catcher."

Pillowcase8 · 05/06/2022 10:18

Yes and like previous posters these comments have stayed with me, the worst comments were those made by adults who should have known better. It makes me really sad because as a teenager I had zero self confidence and I really hope my child doesn’t get to feel the same as I did.

As I have grown up I think I have grown into my looks but I still hate being seen without make up and have to wear it every day to give me confidence.

CanaryShoulderedThorn · 05/06/2022 10:19

All made so much harder today for the Instagram generation.
I see some stunningly beautiful young people at work who firmly believe they are hideous. We need to halt the obsession with perfection. How to do this is another issue.

Reallyreallyborednow · 05/06/2022 10:20

“ hasn’t she grown/ isn’t she big etc”

yes this.

and also when about 8 or 9 playing with adult cousins and being told I was “too heavy” to join in with the physical games. They probably just meant I was bigger/older than my younger siblings and they couldn’t pick me up as easily, but I remember the shame and sadness about walking away and being left out.