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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did anyone else get rude comments about their looks growing up?

199 replies

Eggandcheesemuffin · 05/06/2022 09:53

I used to have a very large gap between my front teeth, crooked bottom teeth as well. Had various comments over the years, even a 'friend' told me I'd be so pretty if 'only I fixed my teeth'.

In adulthood I decided to look into braces but then people started saying, oh you don't need braces your teeth are fine etc..
It didn't seem to stop men being attracted to me but they always bothered me.
Anyway I have straight teeth now with no gap as I got Invisalign braces.

Next, my nose, I used to have quite a prominent side profile with a bump. Two (not very nice) exes took it upon themselves to tell me I had a big nose. It wasn't just them, I'd never liked it myself. As the front was fine, I started to get nose filler which I still get today. It's significantly improved my nose, people tell me I don't need it but I feel like I don't want to go back to my old nose.

Also had very bad acne which the same ex and 'friend' commented on. The ex told me he had been 'embarrassed to be seen with me in public' because my spots were so bad.
Acne was more of a common issue so people weren't as mean about it, but with age it's just cleared up, and I only have a couple of spots now though I remember being at the front of a class and some kids whispering "She's got a really spotty face."

With the awful ex, I came across a text one day that his female friend had sent him, when she found out he was interested in me. She said, "Don't go for her, she's really ugly! You can't possibly stoop so low!"

Of course that made me feel great.

Anyway I'm happy with my looks today although it's sad I ended up 'fixing" all these things. Just thinking about it today made me angry. Why did any of these people feel the right to pick on my looks like that? Has anyone else been through this?

OP posts:
Oligodendrocyte · 05/06/2022 15:10

Yes.
Thick curly hair (no products in those days).
Grew up really poor so never had money to upkeep clothes. Jackups.
Have always been called ugly as an insult in school, but when your biological fathers mother, tells you that you're too ugly to be his child, when your 6, what do you do with that. Stays with me.

MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 05/06/2022 15:15

Yep. One boy told me I looked like ‘an anorexic ghost’. Another told me ‘you need to sort your hair out’. Dicks.

the irony is they weren’t exactly lookers themselves. women and girls were conditioned to put up with LOT of shit in the 90s. I thought it was getting better but with Instagram etc, probably not.

LikeAStar1994 · 05/06/2022 15:15

A boy in my primary school used to say I was ugly.

After looking at his Facebook he is now married and seems to be doing pretty well for himself.

I know he was just a stupid little kid but it still sticks. I know I was ugly and still am to this day, I refuse to look in the mirror wearing glasses and I hate having my photo taken unless I do it myself with my own phone so I've got control over it and choose who sees it or delete it etc.

If there's one good thing that came out of COVID was the face masks. For me, I mean. Not for anyone else. Not everybody is ugly.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 05/06/2022 15:19

Yes. Flat chest. Got called treasure (sunken chest)

I've had 2 breast enlargements - so fixed that at least.

Lots of other stuff I'd like to fix though.

furmumma · 05/06/2022 15:32

I'm of Scottish/Italian descent on one side and Scottish/Irish on one side and I used to get comments of my skin colour and freckles when I was young but now I'm old I just embrace it.

MrsToothyBitch · 05/06/2022 15:33

My bum: I have a Kim K type bum. They were NOT in main stream fashion at all really until her influence and my mum never lets me forget it. Constant comments about my "unfortunate hollow back", how things look nice and is if they might actually fit until I turn around to give the back view. Just generally she makes comments about my large arse.
She's used it to verbally kick me with to win arguments.

My weight/my figure: I developed early and went from a stick child to puppy fat that stuck around for years. Mum always assured me it would melt off (it did tbf) but in the mean time, lots of quite cutting & crushing comments about things I wanted to wear/ the size of bits of me... I just remember an overall vibe of negativity. I am a bit bigger now and she can't stop herself. Uses it to stick the boot in. Has suggested my wedding could be my "salvation" because obviously I'll lose weight for it. Looking back at pictures, I was so small and felt revolting. There are other factors at play but I hate my body now and feeling like I didn't have a figure to throw away in the first place - because of comments etc, didn't help.

Hair: Beautiful thick hair but a tiny face so didn't suit it too long... but it doesn't behave if it doesn't have a bit of length on it. Had it shorter than I wanted for years because mum paid- and knew best. It was permanently bushy and I got teased for not having Barbie hair... and mum used to bitch that it never looks brushed. Took me years as an adult to get the confidence to ditch the bob. Two worst comments ever: "I was sure it was a wig" aged 11 from another girl and "well if it had been leukaemia, you would've lost your hair and it couldn't have grown back worse" aged 17 from a boy, after explaining I'd been very sick and off school- and lucky not to have received an awful diagnosis.

Eyes: I have very blue eyes and mentioned being blue eyesd at school aged 8 or 9. Another girl looked at me, did that tilty headcock thing and said very patronisingly "your parents might say that to be nice but they're grey". My eyes are actually very blue but I didn't believe it for years after that.

Boobs: never particularly got bullied for my big boobs but was the first in my year - yr5- to get a bra and because I wasn't one of the cool gang, had to deal with comments about why was I wearing one, I didn't need one. So I stopped; refused. Same little bitches who bullied me out of it of course laughed at me and how much I needed one a week or two later.

DP has asked my mum to stop her comments but it's too late to undo a lot of it.

jaffas · 05/06/2022 15:39

Name changed as it's very outing, but I think it would have been worse but for a tiny circle of friends. I don't know if we stuck together (in a silent camaraderie way, because to say anything back would not have helped) because we were targeted or if that's just coincidence.

One of my friends was called LB (lanky bitch) as she was tall and slim. Another was called big foot or monkey and another was called 'special needs' because she had extra lessons, and she was teased about her size, slim but tall with broad shoulders. We never discussed it among ourselves, but we were very self critical about our appearances. We were 15-16 around that time.

Anybody slightly overweight or with red hair it was even worse for.

Lulu1919 · 05/06/2022 15:42

I was a skinny 11years do/ early teen...my father used to say my shoulder blades stuck out more than my chest ..it really stuck with me ...we don't have a close relationship !!!

MissCrowley · 05/06/2022 16:42

Yep, skinny kid so was shouted at about "don't step on the cracks you'll disappear" someone once asked if I was going to go to the toilets and throw up because I'd just eaten my lunch.
I didn't have spots, I had big boobs for someone so tall and skinny. I once overheard a shop assistant say to another "well she's not had a boob job has she!" Cheeky cow, I was 17 and boob jobs were the last thing on my mind.
I also have a big nose, my OH takes the piss out of me sometimes for it but I don't ever feel upset about it because it's funny. Plus he's losing his hair which is much worse than having a big nose so I remind him of that 🤣

Our kids are happy though I've heard them sniping at each other over their weight. One is what I'd consider "normal" and the other extremely slim
The slim one gets called skinny and the "normal" one gets called fat or chubby. I do put a stop to it immediately as I don't like that at all.

TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY · 05/06/2022 17:43

i developed early and i mean early
my very first bra was at 9 and i was a 34d, before that i was in bralettes/crop tops at 8{i was a big baby 8lb 10oz and 27 inches so i was always taller than everyone}

by 11 and in first year of comp(year 7 now) i was 6ft with a toned body as i did daily swimming and a size 8-10 bottom(36 leg though) and a 38 F/G bra(my mother used to have to go to Evans as big bras wasn't available in those days) with size 11 feet

i looked like a grown woman ,i was even taller that 3/4 of my male teachers.
i was a forward teenager and very mouth, never trouble just took no shit

i also had thick jet black hair down to my bum in a spiral perm(a early 90s thing)

ive had to put up with sexual comments since i was about 10.its a good think im very feisty and gave mouth back(hence my user name)other wise i think i would have been affected emotionally

my nickname at school and what i was knows as in my village
was jugs
i still get called it now and im 41 (im from a
little village in the valleys of south wales, what the tv/films portray old welsh villages as is what my local village is and to this day haven't changed)

this was early 90s so asking for ID wasn't common so i used to get in the local nightclub at 11/12(my parents through i was sleeping at my best friends, I was but we used to go clubbing)
we never drank as ive been teetotal my whole life so maybe if i tried to get it at the bar it would have been different but in those days it was getting past the door man and you were in.

ive only ever had the 1 sexual partner so i wasn't easy but i used to do a lot of kissing.
looking back now it was so wrong as i was 12-16 going with adult men(late teens early 20s)but they thought i was 18
by the time i was 16 i was a 42 G/H ,still 6ft and still a size 10
{the biggest i ever went was a 50MM after i had son 2 as i went absolutely enormous in pregnancy as he was 11 pound 10oz and 29 inches}
ive only ever gone as far as kissing and a bit of groping(top half) on their part.

a lot tried further but like i said ive always been very strong mentally and physically(at the time)so when i said no it was a no, ive never experienced a guy going to far or not stopping

but just walking down the street, in town i used to get so much from men in cars and vans and i was 11/12.

i meet my only partner then at 18(he was 17)ironically not at an night club
and we never went to pubs or nightclub since ,(obviously ive gone out for meals but never socialising to drink)
he left me in 2020 but that's a different story.

my 11 y old(y6 age so still in juniors) is now 5ft 5/5ft6 and 11 stone with size 9 feet.
so many people think hes way older than he is and since birth ive had to deal with so much shit of Randoms about he should be doing this or hes to big for that or to big to be here and when i said his real age i used to have to prove to people as they never believed me a like i said he was massive at birth and just went up and up.

hes also disabled(mentally) and years behind and was non verbal till he was 6 and half so ive got a child that looks 13/14 and acts 6/7 and educationally is on reception/y1 level

we also home educate so when playcentres, pools, splash parks are open in term time its mostly toddlers and under so ive had many run in with Prejudiced people over the years over his size matching his age, and personally opinions on home education. im not talking about my village where we are well known im talking about my nearest town which is a 40 min bus ride away.

my argument over the years have been no mater how big he is his age is ** so hes legally allowed to be here.
our playcentres dont have a height limit its just 11 and under so until the summer hes still 11

so ive had it all my life and as a parent ive had it all my adult life

Bednobsbroomsticks · 05/06/2022 17:46

Yep. I have eyes as big as my face. Got called et owl face sometimes now get called frog never had any trouble attracting guys but have always loathed how I look I'd get everything done if I could

Picklypickles · 05/06/2022 18:06

I was told quite often that my long, thick dark hair made me look like a witch, I got it cut to shoulder length at 12 because of those comments. My "best friend" made lots of comments about my supposedly big lips and one day gave me the lovely nickname "Liver Lips" which some of the stupid boys in my class thought was hilarious and the nickname caught on. I spent about 3yrs of secondary school sitting with my hand over my mouth to hide my apparently freakishly huge lips. Now people pay to have lips 3 times the size of mine!

I've also had plenty of comments about being short (short-arse, midget etc) and an ex once told me I'd have quite nice legs if it wasn't for my weird knees. My dear mother also told me I have quite a bulbous nose like my dad after someone made a comment that my nose was the same shape as hers.

80sMum · 06/06/2022 15:37

Oh gosh, yes! Comments made about my appearance when I was young have in many ways defined me and how I felt about myself as I grew up.

Girls are expected to be pretty. Those of us who are not can have a tough time of it in childhood and adolescence.

I'm in my 60s now and have found that age is a bit of a leveller. Nowadays, I don't feel quite so outranked by my peers as I once did. Age takes its toll on us all.

Snowisfallinghere · 06/06/2022 15:59

When I was (naturally) a skinny but healthy teen: "you need to eat more"
When I was a still slim but less skinny adult: "wow, you've put on weight, haven't you"

"Your hair would look so much nicer blonde."
"Oh dear, teenage acne!"
"Have you thought about brushing your hair" ?(naturally curly hair that hates being brushed)
"Are you pregnant?" (Slim with a bloated belly after eating)

Sausageandeggs · 06/06/2022 16:39

Yes, my mother often called me ‘a big girl’ when I was a child because I was one of the tallest, but it always had a connotation of ‘fat.’ She was tiny until she had children and I was significantly taller than her. Looking back at the photos, I was no different to my peers, I just happened to be one of the taller girls (not the tallest). She made some hideous comments about me when I was going through puberty. As a result, I am oblivious to how I really look. I don’t trust my own perception of myself at all. I’m trying hard now to eat well and exercise and mediate and be in touch with my body that way, but it’s very difficult.

Ireolu · 06/06/2022 16:51

Was told I had wide child bearing hips age 14. Just what an awkward teen wants to hear. Was always compared to my sister who was fairer than me so as such I was not as good looking. So nice bit of colourism there (monority ethnic group). It helped me understand people though and that surface stuff valued by others was not the way I would treat people around me. Their judgements had made me feel rubbish so it made me more mindful I guess of how I speak to and about others.

Overthewine · 06/06/2022 16:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Fortyseven007 · 06/06/2022 17:03

Yes all the time in Primary / Secondary school I was called ugly and disgusting by my school friends and peers.
it really was terrible.
I remember once I was sitting down with my schoolmate and she looked at me and asked: Why are you so ugly?
I asked her : Am I really that badly ugly? She looked at me and said Yes.
this was in Y8.
Then in college first 2 years I had the same, girls giggling about me behind my back, saying bleeeee..
In my last year of college it all suddenly changed, I am not sure what happened but I suddenly had a boys fighting over me, perhaps cos I dyed my hair a bit lighter..

MrBoldwood · 06/06/2022 17:05

Yes, had various comments about my nose in particular and still remember them now. A lifetime of compliments later yet I still hate my nose. Ridiculous. I have looked into getting it ‘done’ but wtf should I?

itsnotmeitisactuallyyou · 06/06/2022 17:26

So many hurtful comments from mums to their child,I can add my own t oo,my mum said to my cousin shes not going to get married shes too ugly ,i was 12,my mum telling me gleefully her sister my aunt had said to her "your so pretty what happened to your daughter ?"
MY dad saying to me i was 13 ,while watching miss world who can you be? miss big nose,this mage me laugh now as i typed it but at the time i was ready to split my wrists.
You can expect this from other people but when your parents are the ones saying it ,it cuts deep.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/06/2022 17:50

Yes. I used to be told I was too skinny, anorexic etc. Then my hair was greasy so I started washing it daily and still do. Then my teeth stuck out but when I had braces I got comments about that too. But I look back at pictures and although I look a bit awkward I'm quite pretty so I think they were just insecure about their own looks

TypicallyTopically · 06/06/2022 17:51

Apparently at 5 foot 3 I'm unusually small and this must be mentioned all the time 🙄

XenoBitch · 06/06/2022 17:53

My parents called me ugly and never bought any of my school photos. Bought my siblings though.

Hormonequeen · 06/06/2022 17:54

There was a boy at school who used to call me Gobi because he said my eyes were so far apart you could fit the gobi desert in between them.
And I once asked my mum while we were standing at a mirror together if I was pretty. She said not really :(

Gobbolinothekitchencat · 06/06/2022 17:58

I hate how I look, I hate my face, I truly do. This is being objective but perhaps the years of unnecessary comments have warped my self-view, who knows? Same unpleasant comments from parents and relatives, I think they thought t was amusing. I look like my father, this is not a great thing. My mum has laughed at my nose so many times, not defended me when others have laughed at me (isn’t that something a mum should do? But then I was a ‘difficult’ child whatever that meant). My lower lip was a source of amusement, it is a bit fatter than the top, much caused much family laughter at me. My legs were mocked for being too muscular from sport and dance. My posture criticised for being poor as I tried to hide myself, I was lanky as well, head and shoulders above others for years.
I was followed around at school and called baboon (I think they meant orangutang but were too dense to know….another redhead here). Was told my head was on fire, I was disgusting, I wasn’t a girl, wasn’t a female. Was fair game to grope cos who cared? Teachers didn’t.
Was told to smile more, then had my smile mocked by blowing out their cheeks.
I became a sad, defensive and angry individual. Wasted so much of my life trying to hide or being verbally sharp in self-defence.
Even my DH has made stupid comments in the past about my appearance. I remember those rather than the compliments.