Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend upset I stopped her from watching me

232 replies

WhatWouldHillaryDo · 04/06/2022 21:30

My first post, though been here years. I can be a bit of a push over with some friends. I let a lot of stuff slide rather than be confrontational so I think maybe in this situation my friend wasn’t expecting my reaction and has overreacted. Interested to hear replies.

Anyway, I sometimes pop in to friend’s house to feed her pets when she’s away for a night or two. She has two lovely cats and I enjoy going round and fussing them. All good, no issues with helping out. But the other week she mentioned something in passing that seemed odd - she said she sometimes speaks to her cats when she’s away. Well, after some gentle questioning, it seems she has a camera in her home by the cat bowls so she can see and talk to her pets. But she didn’t tell me this and I don’t think was going to either. She seemed a bit sheepish when I asked, like I’d caught her out.

Now, before she mentioned the webcam, i’d agreed to go round last weekend and feed the girls. Evening and morning, I was happy to. But I didn’t feel comfortable knowing I was being watched, so I spotted the camera and blocked the view while I was there, and unblocked it when I left. Now friend is upset with me and said she can’t understand what the big deal is and I should have said if I didn’t want to be watched so she could find someone else to feed the cats.

I feel like I’m going mad. Surely it’s my choice to be watched or not. I didn’t think I needed to let her know upfront. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I’m getting and I just need a sanity check.

OP posts:
AngelinaFangelina · 04/06/2022 21:33

I wouldn't give a fuck if someone watched me putting some cat food in bowls 🤷‍♀️.

Notajogger · 04/06/2022 21:34

No you're not going mad. That was weird of her!
She's basically admitting that she was deliberately watching you when you went over, which is odd in itself.

Honaloulou · 04/06/2022 21:34

I wouldn’t love it either, but I wouldn’t have bothered blocking it. That seems a bit OTT.

MountainClimber22 · 04/06/2022 21:35

I have one of those cameras and mine notifies me of movement so I'd know you were there and I would be able to see you, hear you and speak to you. She is being very unreasonable not telling you about it!! What an invasion of privacy. I don't blame you for blocking it's view. Don't agree again your friend sounds very selfish.

lalaley · 04/06/2022 21:35

I would feel quite violated too OP- having been watched without knowing

MountainClimber22 · 04/06/2022 21:35

Oh and mine records so I could watch you back later. Creepy!

VainAbigail · 04/06/2022 21:35

Nope YANBU!!

2MinuteRice · 04/06/2022 21:36

I would feel the same as you OP. If I knew about it then it's my choice to go and feed the cats. If I didn't then it's a choice I would think more about.

easyday · 04/06/2022 21:38

You should have said so. I would feel self conscious and very annoyed I hadn't been told, but I would have told her I was uncomfortable and wouldn't be going anymore (I mean I would still go, but you might not).
I do t think I would have blocked it.

cushioncovers · 04/06/2022 21:38

Yanbu op. I would hate it.

ElenaSt · 04/06/2022 21:40

I care for quite a few peoples pets in their own homes for when they go away and a few have cameras. I always gurn at them.

saraclara · 04/06/2022 21:41

This happened to me. I was livid when I discovered I'd been watched and not informed of the camera beforehand.

I made it very clear that I wouldn't be helping out again while the camera was there.

Awrite · 04/06/2022 21:44

Her reaction is the fucked up one, not yours.

Don't question your sanity.

I feed my friend's cats when she goes on holiday. I wouldn't want to be watched. I'd rather be trusted.

Fleur405 · 04/06/2022 21:45

Your friend is being a major weirdo. YANBU

NrlySp · 04/06/2022 21:47

My friend did similar. Made me feel very uncomfortable. YANBU

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 04/06/2022 21:48

Yanbu. She should have told you right from the very beginning. Yanbu.

WhatWouldHillaryDo · 04/06/2022 21:48

I don’t know why I feel so annoyed about it. I think it’s because on past visits I had no choice but this time I did and when I chose not to be watched, she was nasty. Why did this make her so angry?

OP posts:
Wor · 04/06/2022 21:50

Yanbu. Sure people can have cameras in their houses but to deliberately film someone without telling them is very creepy and dodgy legally.

And she complained you covered the camera? Why?! Why does it matter to her that she can watch you? Creepy.

HowManyDaysReally · 04/06/2022 21:50

I wouldn't like it either.
And I find it weird that she said if you didn't like being watched, she'd get someone else to feed the cats....? What, so she can watch them instead? Strange.

Mumdiva99 · 04/06/2022 21:51

My husband wants these cameras. They make me very uncomfortable. He doesnunderstnd why. I don't want to be watched in my own home....definitely not in someone's home I am doing a favour of. I dislike the ring doorbells enough....

BeautifulDragon · 04/06/2022 21:52

Lots of people have pet cams, it's normal. I think you & friend are both making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Do you feel the same about front door/ garden cameras? We never mention them to anyone either.

Wor · 04/06/2022 21:52

Oh you asked why it made her angry. The only answer is: power. When she was watching you and you didn’t know, that made her feel powerful. When you covered the camera, she felt like you’d taken power away from her and were in control of the situation instead of her, so she was instinctively angry with you.

She needs to get a life.

diddl · 04/06/2022 22:01

She would rather have got someone else to feed her cats who would let her watch??

WhatWouldHillaryDo · 04/06/2022 22:05

Thank you PP (it’s not letting me post quotes) I think it is a power thing. She is definitely more dominant than me and when I try to hold my ground, she doesn’t like it. I think this situation has opened my eyes to how our friendship works. And I’m not sure it’s working for me anymore.

It might seem like a small thing to get upset about but it’s the latest of lots of small things.

OP posts:
ClocksGoingBackwards · 04/06/2022 22:06

It’s weird that she’s angry with you. You were doing her a favour, but you’ll know not to bother next time she needs one.