Friend upset I stopped her from watching me

[WhatWouldHillaryDo]

My first post, though been here years. I can be a bit of a push over with some friends. I let a lot of stuff slide rather than be confrontational so I think maybe in this situation my friend wasn’t expecting my reaction and has overreacted. Interested to hear replies.

Anyway, I sometimes pop in to friend’s house to feed her pets when she’s away for a night or two. She has two lovely cats and I enjoy going round and fussing them. All good, no issues with helping out. But the other week she mentioned something in passing that seemed odd - she said she sometimes speaks to her cats when she’s away. Well, after some gentle questioning, it seems she has a camera in her home by the cat bowls so she can see and talk to her pets. But she didn’t tell me this and I don’t think was going to either. She seemed a bit sheepish when I asked, like I’d caught her out.

Now, before she mentioned the webcam, i’d agreed to go round last weekend and feed the girls. Evening and morning, I was happy to. But I didn’t feel comfortable knowing I was being watched, so I spotted the camera and blocked the view while I was there, and unblocked it when I left. Now friend is upset with me and said she can’t understand what the big deal is and I should have said if I didn’t want to be watched so she could find someone else to feed the cats.

I feel like I’m going mad. Surely it’s my choice to be watched or not. I didn’t think I needed to let her know upfront. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I’m getting and I just need a sanity check.

Personally I wouldn't be too keen on being filmed, however, she is entitled to do what she wants in her home. Presumably the cameras are her way of making sure her cats are looked after and communicating with them when she is away. I couldn't and wouldn't hold that against her. I also wouldn't cover up her camera as it's a bit OTT if you're only feeding/tidying up after the cats. I can't see what the big deal is. My neighbour did the same thing with me when looking after her pets (but she didn't actually tell me I was being filmed! - I found out when I noticed the camera after a few days), I wasn't overly happy about it, but she wasn't using it for any other purpose then to keep her home safe and keep an eye on her pets.

She should have told you in advance that there were cameras. I can understand why you aren’t happy

If a man was using a camera to monitor his partner without her knowing, the whole of MN would be up in arms. A woman does the same to a friend, and there are people on here saying that it's fine?

I wouldn't be happy either. I wouldn't be feeding her cat again!

Yes she should have told you.

But really is it that much of an issue she might see you putting the cats food out for the few minutes you're there ?

I wouldn't have an issue if i knew.

That is very strange. I think if I had discovered that I was being watched I'd have done what you did - cover the camera/mic while I was there and removed the cover before leaving.

It's entirely your choice to do that. Just as it's her choice to put her cats in a cattery when she goes away next because I think she should have to advise whoever is her next 'candidate' for this job, that she records her cats and whoever is looking after them for her.

I realise that this might be a bit of a reach, but if someone is being recorded without their knowledge, is it veering into the area of data protection and dare I suggest it GDPR?

I feed my friends dog sometimes when he is at work. He lives on my street.

he showed me how to disable the camera when I go in. I never do brocade it really doesn’t bother me. But it’s nice to have the option.

also nice to know I am being watched incase I do anything embarrassing😂😂

I think yanbu to feel uncomfortable about not knowing you was previously being filmed but if alls you are doing is feeding the cats then it really isn't much of an issue. Yabu to cover up the camera when you're meant to just be feeding them, why did you need to cover it? Would you tell your friend to look away whilst you fed her cats if she was home? Your friend isn't unreasonable to have a camera to watch her cats but she should have told you it was there. If shes actively sat watching you in her house whilst you are there i would think she doesn't trust you whilst you're in her house alone.
Honestly if i was you i would just stop feeding them for her as it clearly makes you uncomfortable and she doesn't fully trust you if shes watching the camera back when you are there.

I look after a friend's cat when she is away, have a chat to it, feed it, play with it etc. I would be very unhappy if I later found out I was being filmed. I am doing nothing wrong but I am under the impression that it is just me and the cat. If I am being filmed in a private home, I would want to know about it. This goes for garden cameras too. How depressing.

YANBU. I’d see this as a huge invasion of privacy, and you did nothing wrong by blocking the camera. Essentially this is all you could do to ensure that you were not filmed, which you have every right to do. Anyone who doesn’t respect this is frankly a bit creepy…

It’s weird not to have told you upfront. People might lift up their top and have a scratch or whatever if they think they’re in private. Tell her to get someone else to feed her cats.

You are both being odd - her for not telling you in the first place, you for blocking the camera - why does it matter if she sees you put food in bowls.

She’s angry because she was caught out, and you are angry with her condoling behaviour hence you blocking.

You could just let the friendship go, or leave it to her if she asks you to come again knowing you will block the camera.

Either way, do start standing up for yourself

I think she was being completely unreasonable to be filming you previously without you knowing when you're doing her a favour. is there sound too? I mean, you could have been on a private call while in her home and then what, she just listened to it? So I'd have been livid.

Knowing there was a camera though, I'm not sure I'd have bothered to block it. But I do get it - you don't want your image out of your control. And the fact that she kept it from you all this time certainly doesn't suggest that she's using the camera in an entirely benign way.

A bit of a mix of responses here but most see to agree it’s odd. I’m baffled at the idea I was unreasonable to cover the camera. If there has been a power cut or something had fallen on the camera, my friend wouldn’t have been able to see me either. But because I made the choice not to be seen, somehow that’s an issue. I don’t get it

I wouldn't want to be watched as I always talk in a stupid voice to cats and would be chatting away to them unless someone was watching! Anyway, it's her choice to be arsey about the camera and your choice not to be watched, just don't help with her cats again, after all, you are doing her the favour.

Its not that you're unreasonable for blocking it, it just seems a bit unnecessary. Assuming you'd not do anything too embarrassing if you know the camera is there......

Because she's a control freak who likes to feel superior. That's my guess.

It’s not a small thing @WhatWouldHillaryDo it’s a violation of your privacy. Privacy is something we all have a right to make an informed choice to either maintain or relinquish. Your ‘friend’ took that choice from you.

You should know they also have cameras on cash machines. In train stations. Shops. Buses...
Couldn't get worked up about someone having a camera in their own home to film their own pet, and if I was her, I'd find someone else because you could have been robbing the place for all she knew from your massive overreaction and covering the camera like that. Your reaction is bizarre. It's not like she's filming you in your own house.

AFAIK if you use cameras you are supposed to put up a sign to inform people. Doing it secretly is weird and controlling, as you could tell from her reaction when you took that away from her.

True, but I'm aware of those cameras, or rather, aware that they exist. In a private residence, where I am alone, I have an expectation of privacy. What if she had a sudden itch in an embarrassing spot and, thinking she was alone and invisible to the world, did some enthusiastic scratching? Or chatted to the cat or on the phone about something private/confidential/inappropriate? Or had just had a fight with her boyfriend and was crying in what she assumed was a private place?

Also, not only was she unaware of the camera's existence, once you know it's there, you also know there's a 100% chance of being watched. All those ATM/Sainsbury etc cameras I assume are largely unwatched and that I am not particularly interesting to whoever is tasked with monitoring them. But in this case, her friend absolutely was 100% watching her, probably live.

It's creepy an inappropriate from OPs friend.

Not sure what the underlining was about.

We have one of those cameras to watch the cats eat while we’re away (our paid cat sitter is aware though!), and I find it very helpful to know they are coming home as expected and eating etc. I can see her being annoyed if she was worried you might forget to unblock it maybe?

Next time wear a balaclava when you go in to feed the pusses. Just for giggles.

If you are informed that there cameras, you make a conscious decision to use cash machines/shopping centres etc, you can’t do so if you aren’t informed. Added to this, you have no controls in place regarding what the ‘friend’ may or may not do with any footage. the ‘friend’ evidently has control and trust issues. A person to be avoided.