Friend upset I stopped her from watching me

[WhatWouldHillaryDo]

My first post, though been here years. I can be a bit of a push over with some friends. I let a lot of stuff slide rather than be confrontational so I think maybe in this situation my friend wasn’t expecting my reaction and has overreacted. Interested to hear replies.

Anyway, I sometimes pop in to friend’s house to feed her pets when she’s away for a night or two. She has two lovely cats and I enjoy going round and fussing them. All good, no issues with helping out. But the other week she mentioned something in passing that seemed odd - she said she sometimes speaks to her cats when she’s away. Well, after some gentle questioning, it seems she has a camera in her home by the cat bowls so she can see and talk to her pets. But she didn’t tell me this and I don’t think was going to either. She seemed a bit sheepish when I asked, like I’d caught her out.

Now, before she mentioned the webcam, i’d agreed to go round last weekend and feed the girls. Evening and morning, I was happy to. But I didn’t feel comfortable knowing I was being watched, so I spotted the camera and blocked the view while I was there, and unblocked it when I left. Now friend is upset with me and said she can’t understand what the big deal is and I should have said if I didn’t want to be watched so she could find someone else to feed the cats.

I feel like I’m going mad. Surely it’s my choice to be watched or not. I didn’t think I needed to let her know upfront. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I’m getting and I just need a sanity check.

I'd stop having her double quick if she blocked it. Its not about seeing her, its about seeing the cat.

You need to see the cat in the few minutes that your friend is in the house @MissyCooperismyShero ?

It would never occur to me (a person with 'normal vision') to look for a camera in a friend's house. I'd be too busy feeding the cat, for a start, and it wouldn't (until it happened to me) even occur to me that a friend would be film me without permission while I'm doing them a huge favour.

I think it's all about control with these cams, and you have taken the control away from her. It would be good if more people covered up these cameras/ring doorbells and so on when they have the chance. Yes cameras are everywhere but we don't have to blindly accept it. I always refuse to use self service tills where they are filming me, or cover the camera.

Also those saying sympathising with the owner, saying they are watching the cats, not the person feeding, op only covered the camera for a short time - they could still watch the cats all the rest of the time. As I said, it's about control. And if you get a professional cat sitter, it would still be polite, maybe even a legal requirement, to tell them about the camera. In the op's case, she was doing this as a favour, she should be the one to be upset about the situation.

I would cover the camera too. It would make me feel self conscious while I was there. Your friend has trusted you to be in her home, she should be able to trust you interacting with her cats unmonitored.

I have a camera to monitor my dogs when I am not home. It automatically deletes footage after 48hrs and only records motion. It has never crossed my mind to tell anyone coming into the house that it's there. I do occasionally check the footage of when the dog Walker picks them up. But not to monitor the dog Walker it's to check on how my dogs behaving as she can be tricky.

I would be pissed if someone deliberately blocked the camera. It took along time to set it up right so I could see the dogs clearly. If the camera gets knocked even slightly or the power cord comes out it would take me along time to get it back to how it is.

I'd be a little bit freaked out if someone who knew in advance about the cameras came into my house and deliberately blocked my view of what she was doing while there - and while interacting with my pets.

You should ave discussed it when your friend first told you about the cameras. At that stage is would have been v v reasonable to say you didn't want to be watched and would prefer to turn them briefly off. But to do that without mentioing it beforehand risks making the homeowner feel confused any anxious.

I think it’s bloody weird and you’re not being unreasonable. I used to clean houses and same happened to me, dropped those clients immediately when I found out. Also reminds me of the time my friends husband set up a camera in their home to spy on his wife and the kids. Bloody disgusting if you ask me!

YANBI here whatsoever. She should have informed you the first time. Isn’t there something about having to legally let people know there’s a recording device?

Your friend sounds a bit off.i would not be offering to feed cats again.

I think people who need cameras in their house for things like this are batshit. If she doesn’t want you feeding the cats without her constant ‘supervision’ let her try and find another mug to do her bidding. Don’t do her anymore favours until you get an apology.

This

I agree with OP. I would feel very uncomfortable knowing I was being watched but can anyone recommend a camera for the purpose of watching my dogs when I'm away. We are getting a doggy door fitted and it'd be great to know that it's being used while we're not home.

The only thing that she is being unreasonable about is not telling you about it. For myself, if I am feeding someone's cats, I could not care less that the person is watching. They will see me feeding as instructed, and taking time to give those cats some personal attention. They will NOT see me poking, prying, or anything else to be embarrassed about or concerned over.

What are you doing that makes you uncomfortable ?

I 100% agree with you, it's a horrible feeling knowing that there's a camera there but not knowing if anyone is watching you or not. It happens a lot and catcams together with ring doorbells are the bane of my life. You feel you can't move without someone somewhere monitoring what you're doing.

Good on you for blocking it.

Weird. My friend had the same, a camera near the food bowl. Didn’t tell me, didn’t bother me in the slightest, next time I went round to feed her cat, I just waved into the camera. A little tricky as the camera was near the bowl & like most pet food bowls, it was on the floor. Really, I am not sure what the fuss is about re a camera catching a glance of foot.

What a big drama about nothing!

I'm a paid pet sitter and some of my families do have cameras which I know about. I still absolutely hate it though and I do feel as though my privacy is being violated. However I do respect that it's their pets and they want to chat to them so I'm between a rock and a hard place. It's a catch 22 for pet sitters unfortunately, I don't know any that don't hate the things.

Sounds like she’s a dick. Obviously if you’re covering it up and the next view she gets is cats heads in bowls, then they’re being fed. Do they cover the rest of the house? Is she suspicious that you’re stealing from her? I would let her know that recording people without their knowledge or permission is illegal.

Having security cameras in your own home is not illegal, I do wish people wouldn’t spout bullshit legal advice on here! I am not a fan of being filmed either but we too have cameras set up while we are away so would be unhappy if they were moved even slightly when someone covered and uncovered them. Tbh if someone was so paranoid when feeding my animals that they covered the camera I would be wondering why. End of the day though you are doing her a favour so if it no longer works for you then stop.

She should have warned you beforehand but I find it weird that it would bother you someone watching you feed some cats.

But also weird that she cares that you cover it whilst feeding the cats.

I prob would of got down at the bowl and spoke/ waved/ pretended i was a cat for her to watch but im a weirdo! 😂

I use cameras while I'm away to keep an eye on my cats.

I want to know that they are ok, that nobody has forgotten to feed them, that they can access the rooms that they should be able to access, that they've come home, that they haven't brought in any prey etc etc.

I do tell anyone coming in to feed them that they are there. I can't see why anyone would be upset if they have nothing to hide - the UK is covered with CCTV cameras so you are probably filmed throughout most of your day anyway!

I wouldn't mind if a friend didn't want to be filmed, but if I was paying a pet sitter then I would definitely want them on.