Friend upset I stopped her from watching me

[WhatWouldHillaryDo]

My first post, though been here years. I can be a bit of a push over with some friends. I let a lot of stuff slide rather than be confrontational so I think maybe in this situation my friend wasn’t expecting my reaction and has overreacted. Interested to hear replies.

Anyway, I sometimes pop in to friend’s house to feed her pets when she’s away for a night or two. She has two lovely cats and I enjoy going round and fussing them. All good, no issues with helping out. But the other week she mentioned something in passing that seemed odd - she said she sometimes speaks to her cats when she’s away. Well, after some gentle questioning, it seems she has a camera in her home by the cat bowls so she can see and talk to her pets. But she didn’t tell me this and I don’t think was going to either. She seemed a bit sheepish when I asked, like I’d caught her out.

Now, before she mentioned the webcam, i’d agreed to go round last weekend and feed the girls. Evening and morning, I was happy to. But I didn’t feel comfortable knowing I was being watched, so I spotted the camera and blocked the view while I was there, and unblocked it when I left. Now friend is upset with me and said she can’t understand what the big deal is and I should have said if I didn’t want to be watched so she could find someone else to feed the cats.

I feel like I’m going mad. Surely it’s my choice to be watched or not. I didn’t think I needed to let her know upfront. The more I think about it, the more annoyed I’m getting and I just need a sanity check.

She should have told you about the camera, it's weird that she hasn't mentioned it before. Her reaction to you blocking the camera was very odd. Why is she that bothered about making sure she can see what you're doing whilst you're there?

If you don't trust your friend, then don't ask them to deal with your pets!

It was strange behaviour on her part, and I think her response is overly defensive, which may imply that she's now trying to do what she can to make out she was in the right, when she wasn't.

Bully for you. What has that got to do with OP feeling how she does about it?

You’re both being a bit weird. She should have told you about the camera (I have one for my dog and always tell dog sitters it’s there and that they can turn it off if they want)

That’s weird, why did only half my post go through? I wrote more than this! I’ll try again…

I went on to say: but having learned that the camera was there, I don’t understand why you didn’t just say ‘I’m not comfortable being filmed, can I turn off the camera while I’m there’ instead of saying nothing and then covering it up. If someone did that to me then I’d find it a bit odd and passive aggressive.

But then, having established that you didn’t want to be filmed, she is being weird to say that she’ll get another catsitter instead of just saying yes, you can cover up or turn off the camera.

Basically it sounds like a lot of drama over something very simple.

She should definitely have told you she has the camera. However, if all you were doing is popping in to feed the cats then you were being really over the top to block the camera.

Your friend should have told you about the camera.

I do find it strange though that once you knew, you felt the need to block the camera given you were only popping in to check on and feed her cats. I get that people have different attitudes to privacy, but if I were your friend I would probably feel a bit suspicious about this.

I completely understand why people have these cameras to watch their pets but they need to inform people beforehand (before they enter the property) if they're being filmed. I remember a friend who was filmed by a dog camera and he did a massive trump and some kind of weird dance after and he was completely mortified and it affected the friendship.

I also know of a HMO/shared house where there is a camera in the lounge and it was part of the agreement for moving in which I don't think is right at all.

Of course she is not OTT.

It's completely normal and usual to not want to be viewed and/or recorded by hidden cameras. Taking steps to avoid it is not weird or suspicious.

If she was not specifically watching the OP, then she would never notice the camera was blocked for a short time.

I think this is really subjective, hence the responses are pretty mixed.

I wouldn't care if my friend could see me feeding her cats on her cat cam. I would probably give her a wave. On the reverse, if a friend covered up my cat cam whilst she was feeding my cats I would find that a bit odd.

That's not necessarily true. Many cameras alert the owners to any movement or noise, so if the cats are elsewhere and then OP comes in, she'll have received a message on her app or via text. If she then went to view the camera (to see what her cats were upto) she'd have seen that it had been blocked off.

I find it really weird that people are really quick to yell out if they consider that something has breached GDPR, but have no regard at all for their friends' personal privacy.

Same difference to me. If you have cameras in your house and know someone else is coming over, then check the cameras every time you receive get an alert, that’s creepy.

I think anyone that does not understand why someone would not want to be surreptitiously watched has boundary issues. I think the friend is a self-righteous voyeur who believes she is entitled to spy on people if they are in her home. And I think doing so has nothing to do with her pets.

What a twat she sounds

I would stop feeding her cats. She can find someone else to do it

Frankly, what I find a bit disturbing is asking for such a favour but monitoring you while at it, if she really trusted you, she wouldn’t even have realised you blocked the camera.

Having said that… I wouldn’t have blocked the camera, I would have just left the keys in front of it and asked her to get someone else.

Maybe.

Or maybe she's just really into her cats.

Her not telling you about the camera is the issue.
THAT was rude.

If I had been told about a camera it wouldn't bother me.

Her turning nasty and the general dynamic doesn't seem nice, so a perfect time to pull away if you want to.

But how do you know whether it's OP or a cat who has triggered the camera unless you check it?

On a slight tangent, when did helicopter pet owning become a thing?
Why do people feel the need to watch their pets when they're away from home?

Then why get angry she cannot watch the OP?

We have pet cam in our house, but anyone going in to take care of them whilst we’re away, is told about them beforehand. I’d think it weird if they covered them whilst they were there. Your friend should have told you about them at the outset though. Maybe she forgot. It doesn’t sound like she was keeping a secret.