AIBU to just do this?

[letsflyaway1]

AIBU to take my 4yo SEN DS to Paeds ED, let myself in the door (work in the service) and just leave him in there in some sort of Paddington like tribute?

Context is that he has a diagnosis of ASD, am lone parenting since his father walking out 6 weeks ago and am currently receiving 0 support from social care despite begging for help and self referring with a view to adoption/foster care options.

Am completely and utterly desperate and would prefer to end both our lives tonight rather than face the endless misery that is SN parenting.

Do you have anyone around you who can help OP? This sounds really bloody tough on you both.

Do you have a colleague even who might be able to take him, even if it's just for tonight? Or can you call the police and tell them you believe you may be a risk to your sons safety?

Do you have anyone you can call right now for support?
It sounds relentlessly tough.

Absolutely nobody. I have been completely ostracised since the split, and although people like to have my elder NT child, my SEN child is completely left out of everything. SS couldn't believe I had no family support but unfortunately that's the case.

Yes OP if what you say is true you need immediate help. Take yourselves anywhere you can get that and do it now.

In your case, OP, I think going to any ED is entirely the responsible thing to do, or even calling the police out to you if you feel like you can’t make the journey.

It sounds like you have been through an extremely traumatic few weeks (years?). You know that the answer is not to harm yourself or your DC. So, please do whatever you need to do short of that. ED tends to be the place to start. Please be honest with them about how you are feeling.

I’m truly sorry that you’re in this position.

I did call a good friend who's a GP but she just said to hang in there (fellow HCP's are too hardened to this unfortunately as am I, but I am being driven to a nervous breakdown by his difficult behaviours and I really have seen everything).

Is his dad able to help? Or has he just not been in contact for the past six weeks?

I agree with the other poster, if not can you contact the police and say you need help as you're concerned you're a risk to your son.

He has seen the children maybe 3 times, but is now taking the line of "you do something for me and I'll do something for you". I.e sex. I feel deeply uncomfortable with this.

There's no shame in asking for help, in fact it's bloody brave

I cross posted with you, I'm sorry.

I expect hang in there, when you can't see any light didn't help at all from your friend.

I think you need to do whatever you can to get help for both of you, and if that means letting yourself in and waiting until they arrive then that's what you need to do.

That is rubbish advice from a GP, assuming you were fully honest with her. The response to suicidal ideation is not “hang in there”, it is “go to the ED right now please”.

Eewwwwww. Definitely right to feel uncomfortable. That's very grubby of him.

they're his children. He needs to have them and parent them.

ED is the place to go. If you comment about ending your lives is serious you need MH support and your DC need care.

Would a respite foster placement be an option for you?

I think if you are feeling suicidal (and it sounds like maybe feelings of harm towards him) it is an emergency and emergency services are what you need.

Don't just leave him there. Present and say you need to see the SW on duty now. You are thinking of harming yourself and your child, you require assistance. Don't say you're coping, don't minimise.

If you really feel that desperate, then I would go to ED (adults) with your son and tell them how bad your mental health is because of recent events and exactly what you've said here. They should then complete a 'child behind the adult' referral and this should trigger some help for you and your son.

I have begged and begged for help from SS. Nobody refers to the OOH duty desk for a laugh. 6 weeks down the line they do a home visit and ask, oh does DS have any disabilities?! I mean... The lack of comms is astounding and I am well used to this but my god..

I am getting the kids packed up to head down to ED.

Absolutely go to ED, OP. This is an urgent safeguarding issue.

You sound absolutely at the end of your tether and it's a shocking indictment of this country that people in crisis can't get support.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I usually take the line of thinking I'm damn lucky that I know how to get support and help and fill out the constant forms in corporate bumph etc, but actually it's woefully underfunded and even people like me can feel completely desperate.

Well done OP at deciding to go to ED. You are making the right decision. Let us know when you get there.

No words of advice to give but I want to say I'm glad you're going to ED. We're all behind you OP. Wishing you all well.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

Is your child in school full time?

Could you see about him attending a breakfast or after school club?

I know it won’t solve your problems but it will give you a longer break during week days.

You could contact home start and see if they have any advice as I believe they have volunteers to help out with giving parents a break too.
I wish I knew about them when mine was young as like you I had zero help and sometimes you just need a bit of a break and some support.

@letsflyaway1 How are you getting on lovely? Is someone helping you now??

Well done for going to ED. You're doing what will help keep you and your DS safe. That takes courage and I see it in you. Hang in there.

Yes have been clerked and waiting to see psych liaison at my request.
Hoping to get moved to Paeds just so I can sit in a side room with kids.