AIBU to just do this?

[letsflyaway1]

AIBU to take my 4yo SEN DS to Paeds ED, let myself in the door (work in the service) and just leave him in there in some sort of Paddington like tribute?

Context is that he has a diagnosis of ASD, am lone parenting since his father walking out 6 weeks ago and am currently receiving 0 support from social care despite begging for help and self referring with a view to adoption/foster care options.

Am completely and utterly desperate and would prefer to end both our lives tonight rather than face the endless misery that is SN parenting.

I'm glad to hear that, @flowngo

I'm so sorry it took so long, and hope you get some relief soon.

You've done exactly the right thing

Fostering is a better option than adoption as your child has extremely high needs - there are very few people who could afford financially to adopt a child with such high needs

In fostering a career will be paid to stay at home with him, will have full wraparound care, respite at weekends and even maybe a night time support worker if he tries to destroy their house. And if that's not enough they will gather enough information to get a special residential school where there is 24 hour care.

Plus under section 20 you will get to see him

You have done an amazing job - the bottom line is that it takes more than 1 person to look after your child to keep him safe

💐💐💐

Wishing you the very best, OP. You’re doing the brave thing.

OP, i think you are doing the right thing.

You cannot give what you don't have to your child.

Your eldest is clearly suffering too and his future needs to be protected.

Really wishing you the best.

I hope your ex hasn't a moments luck for the rest of his life.

Agreed, it's the right thing to do ultimately. He's been sent home from school a number of times due to his behaviour too.

I see this situation (section 20) a lot at work yeah, it's little known about for sure. The court basically instructed the LA there and then to authorise a placement.

I still work in SEN and certainly a higher proportion than mainstream are LAC. I'm so sorry that you, and your son have been let down so that it's got to this point.
I suspect from what you've said that mainstream will also not be the right place for your son. When is his next Annual Review and can you start the ball rolling for specialist provision where his needs can be met?

OP, you are a star. Even when feeling so low, you've advocated for yourself and your son and finally got support. Well done.

Well I suppose it depends where he gets placed. Might even be out of county, I don't know yet. He definitely needs spec ed provision though.

How are you doing Op, been thinking about you a lot x

I'm ok, had a manic weekend at work, had the child practitioner come yesterday for home visit to say that she was going to implement reward charts, and wants to do 2x week visits, I put my foot down at this point and said absolutely no way as I barely have a day go by without some kind of meeting or call about the children.

Just exhausting, DS dad has been completely useless not turning up so I can head to work as well.
Can't wait for the placement to be found.

A reward chart? Why is that even an option?

That's their 'must check basic parenting skills have been tried' tick box.

There are DC who are chaotic due to chaotic home environment. They can be turned around by intervention at home- reward charts and a basic schedule.

Then there are others, Like OP, where it's all about the high level needs of the child and a completely different set up is needed.

They have to do some work to establish that this is indeed the second situation. But it's crap for the family, who feel they are being told they've not parented well enough.

I had the opposite- my D.C. was doing really well because of massive work and intervention at home. It delayed him getting any support, because he was presenting as managing well.

Just to clarify- his needs are nothing like your son's- I'm not suggesting you could turn this around single handedly! Just that my lad looked better than he was because we were already doing everything 'right'.

Yeah it's just the star chart trope gets trotted out so bloody often I mean what should I do give my son a sticker for NOT biting me or his brother?

His school have now decided he is kept in a dirty home because he doesn't think to wash his hands after forest school and is absolutely filthy after forest school he comes to school clean they send him home filthy why do they think MY HOME is the reason he is dirty? They also think he caught worms from the indoor cat rather than their school my faith in them is waning 😂😑

Hello all, so we finally made progress this week. I was rung late on Monday eve with news of a placement, he leaves on Friday, so I am just packing up his things. Was due to be finishing a run of 6 days on call tomorrow eve but have called in sick so I can get a handle on everything, haven't yet told DC7 properly as unsure what to say to him.

Head is sort of all over the place, thinking about Xmas, my birthday which is in a few days, and how much has changed since last year.

Oh wow, OP! That's amazing- and terrifying, all wrapped up in one package!

You'll be feeling a rollercoaster of emotions, and do you know what? Every single one of them is acceptable/appropriate. Relief- of course! Anxiety- obviously! Fear? Quite probably.

It'll take a while to process everything.

He had a couple of hours transition visit today where he was apparently really well behaved and had a lot of fun and seemed very happy so that's a start

So glad that you and your son are finally getting some support.

Every good wish to you.

It's such a relief to read that update. I am so glad this is happening for you. You must've felt like you were going crazy.

Yeah things came to a head last week when police almost had to force entry as the children hadn't turned up to school despite ex being there when I left for work in the morning. He will regret doing this I'm sure in time but won't actually say that as it would be far too emasculating.

Oh gosh, flown! How traumatic for you all. Still, fresh start, new way of being.

Oh well. Spoke too soon clearly, he went for his second settling visit today and the foster carers pulled out of the arrangement due to his behaviours today. Back to square one we go.

Oh sweetheart. Gutted for you.