Step mother gifting half brother his ‘birth right’ inheritance

[Undertherainbow00]

I just need somewhere to vent - I’m sure I will be shot down for being unreasonable but maybe someone will see my point of view or will enable me to view this through a different lens…
Family history in brief - step mother has been in my life since just before I turned five (I’m now 43) and she and my father began dating. My parents marriage broke down because of his alcoholism but being the 80’s, the judge decided he could still have my sister and I every other weekend. As a side note, step mother was eight years younger than my father and was approaching her 21st birthday when they got together. She too had a problem with alcohol but they masked their problems to the wider outside world… Her parents were not happy that she was dating an older man who was divorced with two children. However, as time went by, her parents (mainly her mother) warmed to my sister and I. When I was fourteen, my father and step mother had their child, a son. I should add that at this point neither of them drank but my father still had his uncontrollable temper that was often directed at me. She actively encouraged his discipline methods but would also be there to comfort me through my tears.
I fell pregnant at sixteen and to my astonishment both my father and step mother were supportive of my choice to keep the pregnancy. However, it could been seen as fulfilling a prophecy of their making… Problem child, pregnant at sixteen. I would just like to add, any problems I had were directed at myself - eating disorder, self harm and suicide attempts.
I completely got my life together once I was pregnant - worked and set up a home on my own.
That was all many moons ago now and since then I have made an attempt to improve my life chances. I returned to education as an adult and I have a career. However, at the ripe old age of forty three - I have never owned or have been in a position to save a deposit for a house.
Step mother engineered hers and my father’s will like this - their house split 50/50 her share to my half brother and my father’s 50 % share split three ways between all three siblings. Fair?
Anyway, her parents died several years back and left her a significant inheritance. She bought her two siblings out of the parents house as she didn’t want to sell it at that point. Today she has told me that she is selling it as my half brother is very anxious about approaching thirty without owning his own property. She is gifting him the entire proceeds of the house sale - a minimum of £500,000. I just sat there listening to her monologue of how much of his income is wasted in rent - I really can’t relate can I?
She waffled on that it was his birth right as they were his grandparents.
I feel SO angry as their property was bought from the sale of my parents house - so by that logic, my sister and I should have a greater share of their house.
My step mother has always spouted that she loves us all the same but words and actions are completely at odds with the reality of what our lives have been.
I feel bitter that I have forgiven them for their appalling behaviour when I was a child and I have never shared my experiences with my half brother. I have stood back and watched him have everything in life that I didn’t but this has really rocked me and I feel terrible for feeling like this. I am jealous that he will have a home of his own as I fear I never will.
I apologise for this ramble but if you got to the end - thank you! It was cathartic to just get it out of my head!

How do you think you can allow or disallow your DP to give money to who he wants in his Will. Regardless, the parents are alive and the SM isn't much older than OP. How the SM and OP’s father divide their money is completely up to them. The father clearly doesn't see the SMs inheritance as his and why should he? I'm pretty sure DH wouldn't tell me what to do with inheritance I received from my parents and vice versa.

@dianthus101
OP said she used some of the lump sum, sounds like a fair whack still had to come from elsewhere.
But yes, if it's never been a marital asset in any way shape or form I don't understand getting upset about it either, even in a hypothetical way.
Also don't understand all this talk of not letting or allowing husbands to leave their assets as they see fit. I wouldn't put it entirely past DH to leave the lot to his football team, and if he did then that would be his business and his right.
I will see my children right regardless of what he chooses to do. But if he disinherits our children to give it all to DSD like a PP suggests, I will haunt him 😁

It's the other way around isn't it? If she only used "some" of the lump sum rather than all of it to pay off her siblings it implies that not all the lump sum needed to be used and there was money left over.

It would probably be different if you had lived there FT as a DC.

It would be unfair splitting the inheritance equally between the 3 DC considering a huge amount of it came from her parents and earnings.

I know your DM got shafted financially enabling your Dad to work FT while her financial situation suffered.

It happens to women all the time.

It's only money, the emotional torment will destroy you.

Go LC when the time comes take your share, have a holiday, see it as a bonus, don’t depend on any amount if it comes it comes.

Put it behind you until then.

The new child of blended families is the second chance at happiness in some ridiculous peoples mind, the blenders have to get on with the pt life between parents homes like drifters.

This is all focussed on the wrong person. The step mum is just doing what is right for her, her child, and her side of the family. Women are advised to do exactly that all the time on here.

Why didn’t the maternal grandparents do something to protect the money for their daughter? If they didn’t, and they gifted the house deposit money to a married couple, then the OPs father was entitled to a share of that upon divorce.

Is there really nothing the OPs mother could have done differently when she left her husband to help protect hers and her children’s future? I know OP has said there was DV involved, but if the father has gone on to have a lifelong successful marriage and his current wife feels free to do what she likes with her own inheritance then he can’t be that unreasonable.

Because i married a decent man who sees my 2 children from a previous marriage as his too. Our will reflects that and he'd never have dreamed of cutting his sc out in favour of his biological child with me.

If you marry someone with children already you should be prepared to take them on as your own.

I would get a say as it is a joint asset so up for discussion in how it's distributed in our wills. I can't imagine a world in which someone can marry someone else with children and say 'No they're not getting anything from ME they're not MY kids!'
And you're being ridiculous over bringing coercion into it. Are you very young?

The son isn't being disinherited though is he. He's getting the most money out of the situation. It's the daughters who are being cut out of a joint marital asset - which in a divorce the step mum couldn't just ring fence like she has.

I truly hope you are never step mother to any kids - God help the poor mites

You said that you would “never let him” leave his 50% to his biological child, not that he wouldn't want to. If he did want to treat them differently with regard to inheritance, you couldn’t stop him. You might not even know about it.

I would get a say as it is a joint asset so up for discussion in how it's distributed in our wills. I can't imagine a world in which someone can marry someone else with children and say 'No they're not getting anything from ME they're not MY kids!'

As many posters have said it's probably quite standard for inheritance to be split in this way when there are step-children involved. Solicitors probably advise it. The step children have another family after all. OP has her own mother and maternal grandparents to inherit from.

I agree. If my husband tried to suggest he was "letting me" do something in my will I would not be his wife for much longer.

I think you should tell your SM that in the future you'd rather not have financial discussions with her.

It’s common advice given to those in blended families. Each parent divides their half between their own biological children. It is equal on the basis that each person has two parents, and thus the potential to inherit. Why should stepchildren potentially benefit from three or four different people, while those whose biological parents are together will only benefit from two?

The fact that some people choose to divide their estates differently doesn’t mean that those who choose to do it by biology are wrong.

Step mother engineered hers and my father’s will like this - their house split 50/50 her share to my half brother and my father’s 50 % share split three ways between all three siblings. Fair?

Yes, absolutely fair. As is the rest of it.

You have zero say in the money from step-grandparents, sorry. She's perfectly within her rights to give that money to her biological child. It sucks for you to see his "easy life", but it is what it is.

Is you dad still alive? Presumably you will inherit from him one day? What about your own mum?

Way to discredit every step parent going "only every other weekend from 5-16". nice.

You seem to know alot about what went on financially in your parents divorce when you were a child. You cannot know what actually happened in regards to the proceeds of the sale.

Wrong thread. Sorry.

No it wasnt, OP said that the step mum inherited cash as well as a share in the house she now has, she used the inherited cash to buy out her siblings and thats how she wholly owns the house

The house is 50/50 stepmother and op's fathers.
The stepmother only has on beneficiary, her son, the father has 3 beneficiaries.
Why should the op inherit from the stepmother and step grandparents? She has her own mother and grandparents

I would get a say as it is a joint asset so up for discussion in how it's distributed in our wills
A discussion is one thing. "Letting" or "not letting" your husband distribute his assets as he's sees fit is another.
And you're being ridiculous over bringing coercion into it
Not really, if you are forcing him in some way to leave assets the way you'd like rather than how he would like then you are coercing him. You just don't like how that makes you look. As I clearly said, if it has been discussed and he is happy then thats fine.
Are you very young?
Not particularly.

The son isn't being disinherited though is he
He would be by his father if his father left him nothing in favour of his other children. Again, you just don't like how the suggestion makes you look.
It's the daughters who are being cut out of a joint marital asset - which in a divorce the step mum couldn't just ring fence like she has
They aren't getting divorced and if it hasn't been intermingled with the marital finances and assets then the step mother can do as she wishes with her own asset.

I truly hope you are never step mother to any kids - God help the poor mites
I am. And DSD gets plenty from me, don't worrry, directly and indirectly, dead or alive. We (neither DSD, her parents or I) carry on any pretence that she is an equal child to me or I am an equal parent to her. We all rub along just fine, thank you.

I’m really struggling to see the issue. My partner has 3 children, I have 1 (none shared and I think it unlikely there will be in future).

My share of the property will go to my child, his share will be shared 3 ways. They are not siblings, sharing 4 ways means they would benefit whilst my child loses out. I am fond of the step children but do not love them equally to my own child by any means.

@Sugarplumfairy65 I think it's been well discussed. The money was made off the back of OP s mums suffering, generated by Ops grandparents, leaving Ops mum with nothing. Ops father is leaving his son, product of current marriage, more than his children from a previous marriage.

The money was made on the back of OP’s mums suffering? OP’s parents split up 40 years ago when they were in their 20s. They probably did not have that much to split back then even if it was somehow unfair, which I doubt anyway as the mother had children to look after. That her father has done better than her mother in the subsequent 40 years does not mean it was on the back of her suffering. What a stupid conclusion.

And it was nothing to do with OP’s grandparents!