Step mother gifting half brother his ‘birth right’ inheritance

[Undertherainbow00]

I just need somewhere to vent - I’m sure I will be shot down for being unreasonable but maybe someone will see my point of view or will enable me to view this through a different lens…
Family history in brief - step mother has been in my life since just before I turned five (I’m now 43) and she and my father began dating. My parents marriage broke down because of his alcoholism but being the 80’s, the judge decided he could still have my sister and I every other weekend. As a side note, step mother was eight years younger than my father and was approaching her 21st birthday when they got together. She too had a problem with alcohol but they masked their problems to the wider outside world… Her parents were not happy that she was dating an older man who was divorced with two children. However, as time went by, her parents (mainly her mother) warmed to my sister and I. When I was fourteen, my father and step mother had their child, a son. I should add that at this point neither of them drank but my father still had his uncontrollable temper that was often directed at me. She actively encouraged his discipline methods but would also be there to comfort me through my tears.
I fell pregnant at sixteen and to my astonishment both my father and step mother were supportive of my choice to keep the pregnancy. However, it could been seen as fulfilling a prophecy of their making… Problem child, pregnant at sixteen. I would just like to add, any problems I had were directed at myself - eating disorder, self harm and suicide attempts.
I completely got my life together once I was pregnant - worked and set up a home on my own.
That was all many moons ago now and since then I have made an attempt to improve my life chances. I returned to education as an adult and I have a career. However, at the ripe old age of forty three - I have never owned or have been in a position to save a deposit for a house.
Step mother engineered hers and my father’s will like this - their house split 50/50 her share to my half brother and my father’s 50 % share split three ways between all three siblings. Fair?
Anyway, her parents died several years back and left her a significant inheritance. She bought her two siblings out of the parents house as she didn’t want to sell it at that point. Today she has told me that she is selling it as my half brother is very anxious about approaching thirty without owning his own property. She is gifting him the entire proceeds of the house sale - a minimum of £500,000. I just sat there listening to her monologue of how much of his income is wasted in rent - I really can’t relate can I?
She waffled on that it was his birth right as they were his grandparents.
I feel SO angry as their property was bought from the sale of my parents house - so by that logic, my sister and I should have a greater share of their house.
My step mother has always spouted that she loves us all the same but words and actions are completely at odds with the reality of what our lives have been.
I feel bitter that I have forgiven them for their appalling behaviour when I was a child and I have never shared my experiences with my half brother. I have stood back and watched him have everything in life that I didn’t but this has really rocked me and I feel terrible for feeling like this. I am jealous that he will have a home of his own as I fear I never will.
I apologise for this ramble but if you got to the end - thank you! It was cathartic to just get it out of my head!

[Looneytune253]

I can see why you might feel a bit pushed out but I think technically she's splitting it right. She only has one child and dad has 3. Everyone wants to give a decent legacy to their own child.

[Bonheurdupasse]

Understand your trauma, but linking it to the money of people you are not related to - your stepmother's parents- seems quite grabby / entitled.

[Circumferences]

Sorry babe people can do whatever they want when passing on or not passing on their own capital.

I know people who have been written out of wills entirely while their siblings have inherited, or who have inherited debts rather than capital.

It's life.

[Meraas]

I don’t understand. Did she buy out her siblings from her parents’ home using the money from the sale of her and your dad’s home?

Then where do she and your dad live?

[CheshireCats]

From what you have described, it is fair.

[user1494050295]

Is your father still alive

[dianthus101]

It doesn't seem unreasonable for your step mother to give her money from her parents to her child. Will you not inherit from your own mother one day?

[drpet49]

YABU. Why should you inherit from your step mothers parents.

[AskingforaBaskin]

I'd day the split is fair. She has 1 child your father has 3 so that's the way their shares should go.

You can be annoyed at not owning a house, it's frustrating wasting all the money.

But you don't have a claim to the money so you've not missed out on anything.

[coffeecupsandfairylights]

I think it's fair too, sorry OP.

[drpet49]

“Step mother engineered hers and my father’s will like this - their house split 50/50 her share to my half brother and my father’s 50 % share split three ways between all three siblings. Fair?”

^Yes, completely fair. All blended families should split the wills like this.

[luxxlisbon]

You only lived with her only every other weekend from 5-16. Although she loves you and has supported you in many ways you aren’t actually her child. You have a father and a mother of your own.

There is a logic to how the inheritance will be split when your father and stepmother die but this isn’t that, her parents aren’t your grandparents, you already have 2 sets.

[ElenaSt]

Seems the right thing to do. Why should you get any money from her parents estate?

[sunshineandshowers40]

I understand why you are frustrated and annoyed but I actually think it is fair, although I'm not sure your step-mum should be discussing it with you.

[AskingforaBaskin]

I also think its really naive to belive she loves you both as much as her son. It's brilliant that you were treated the same but he is her child.

You were a step child there less than half the time.

Just appreciate what she has done without looking at what you feel owed.

[Beautiful3]

This happened in my husband's family too. It is fair.

[Jalepenojello]

I didn’t vote as I don’t think either party is unreasonable. It would be lovely if she split it more equally but I totally understand her logic too. You have a mother and father of your own to consider, just as she is considering her child.

[5YearsLeft]

Sorry, this is really confusing. First, you explain the original split of your parents’ house which most people agree is fair (your stepmother gives her half however she wants; your father’s half goes to his three children). BUT later you say that your parents’ (father and stepmother’s) house was sold so your stepmother could buy out her siblings share of this second house.
So:

• do you still inherit anything? Does that first house exist? If so, yes, things are fair. OR
• do you mean she sold that house and now the house she bought with it will be completely inherited by your half brother? If so, no, that’s not fair, and I’d be pretty upset that your father didn’t protect you from her doing something like that.

So which is it?

[Hugasauras]

@drpet49

“Step mother engineered hers and my father’s will like this - their house split 50/50 her share to my half brother and my father’s 50 % share split three ways between all three siblings. Fair?”

^Yes, completely fair. All blended families should split the wills like this.

Yep, this is what my mum and stepdad have. I'm an only, he has four, so I get 50% and the other 50% is split between the four of them. Totally standard.

[JacquelineCarlyle]

I totally understand why you feel the way you do, and you're entitled to your feelings. However, she is entitled to gift her biological son whatever she likes and it does sound a fair split of assets based on number of biological children.

Sorry it's been so shit for you though. It all sounds tough and you should be proud of the fact that you have forgiven and moved past it all.

[Porcupineintherough]

Totally unreasonable. You have no claim on the proceeds of her parents house nor on her share òf her own home. She has been married to your dad for a hell of a long time, it's hardly as if she's a gold digger.

[Bananarama21]

Difficult to follow but on the face of it, it's fair unless the family home was sold.

[TolkiensFallow]

This is pretty normal. I can see that you might wish for a windfall of your own but you don’t have a right to anything…

[gotthis]

I don't know if I understood right, but if they both contributed to the purchase of a house and there are four children, shouldn't they split it four ways?

[Crankley]

I think it's entirely reasonable. You have no blood connection with her or her parents. Presumably you will get an inheritance from your parents.