Step mother gifting half brother his ‘birth right’ inheritance

[Undertherainbow00]

I just need somewhere to vent - I’m sure I will be shot down for being unreasonable but maybe someone will see my point of view or will enable me to view this through a different lens…
Family history in brief - step mother has been in my life since just before I turned five (I’m now 43) and she and my father began dating. My parents marriage broke down because of his alcoholism but being the 80’s, the judge decided he could still have my sister and I every other weekend. As a side note, step mother was eight years younger than my father and was approaching her 21st birthday when they got together. She too had a problem with alcohol but they masked their problems to the wider outside world… Her parents were not happy that she was dating an older man who was divorced with two children. However, as time went by, her parents (mainly her mother) warmed to my sister and I. When I was fourteen, my father and step mother had their child, a son. I should add that at this point neither of them drank but my father still had his uncontrollable temper that was often directed at me. She actively encouraged his discipline methods but would also be there to comfort me through my tears.
I fell pregnant at sixteen and to my astonishment both my father and step mother were supportive of my choice to keep the pregnancy. However, it could been seen as fulfilling a prophecy of their making… Problem child, pregnant at sixteen. I would just like to add, any problems I had were directed at myself - eating disorder, self harm and suicide attempts.
I completely got my life together once I was pregnant - worked and set up a home on my own.
That was all many moons ago now and since then I have made an attempt to improve my life chances. I returned to education as an adult and I have a career. However, at the ripe old age of forty three - I have never owned or have been in a position to save a deposit for a house.
Step mother engineered hers and my father’s will like this - their house split 50/50 her share to my half brother and my father’s 50 % share split three ways between all three siblings. Fair?
Anyway, her parents died several years back and left her a significant inheritance. She bought her two siblings out of the parents house as she didn’t want to sell it at that point. Today she has told me that she is selling it as my half brother is very anxious about approaching thirty without owning his own property. She is gifting him the entire proceeds of the house sale - a minimum of £500,000. I just sat there listening to her monologue of how much of his income is wasted in rent - I really can’t relate can I?
She waffled on that it was his birth right as they were his grandparents.
I feel SO angry as their property was bought from the sale of my parents house - so by that logic, my sister and I should have a greater share of their house.
My step mother has always spouted that she loves us all the same but words and actions are completely at odds with the reality of what our lives have been.
I feel bitter that I have forgiven them for their appalling behaviour when I was a child and I have never shared my experiences with my half brother. I have stood back and watched him have everything in life that I didn’t but this has really rocked me and I feel terrible for feeling like this. I am jealous that he will have a home of his own as I fear I never will.
I apologise for this ramble but if you got to the end - thank you! It was cathartic to just get it out of my head!

It is normal to split up house sales like that, although I know people who have split equally between the kids which I think is better.

I don’t understand the connection between the sale of her parents house and the house she and your father had?? Obviously if this is inheritance from your SB GPs it’s going to go to him.

Two practical suggestions

Figure out how much you need to get on the housing ladder properly, and ask your SM if she could help with that. It could be taken out of your inheritance, your SB doesn’t need 500 to start

Go see a therapist as it will be helpful for you to work through this anger from your childhood.

I do know a blended family who have decided to leave equal shares to all the children, whether they are step children or not. That seems fairest to me,

Sorry, you only mention 3 children in your post. So are you saying that as well as inheriting his mother's half of the estate your stepbrother inherits 1/3 of your Father's share also? That seems a bit odd.

I think there are two things going on here, one is the money, which sounds a logical split, although you wouldn’t be human if it didn’t feel like a massive ‘fuck you’ that step brother is having such a huge leg up. The other is the fact they treated you appallingly as a child, which from what you imply may have bordered on or been abuse. You don’t have to be okay with this, just because you’ve brushed it under the carpet in the past. I suspect the issue with the money is bringing to the forefront the fact they treated you so shoddily before.

He's his biological child. So Step mum has one child. OPs father has three. The OP, her sister and the Step mums son.

So he split his share between all his children

So essentially:

She is giving her 50% share to her one biological child.

Your father has split his 50% share between his three biological children, which also includes your half-brother.

Your half-brother is therefore getting an inheritance from his mother and his father, just as you presumably will get/have had something from your mother too? So it's just the amounts that are the problem, because his biological mother has benefited from a lot more from her own family?

She's been in your life since she was 21? So logically she'll have spent a fair amount of her own money on you while growing up.

Sorry but I feel that you're being incredibly selfish. I love my stepson as if he were my own son, I spend a significant amount of my salary on him. But when it comes to inheritance, he won't be in it. He has 2 parents whose responsibility that is, my bio children only have me and my husband.

Unless there's more to it as pp have said, eg the property was bought from money that is from for father's side of things, this sounds reasonable. All the (adult) children inherit from their biological parents. You have/will inherit from your mother as well as your father. Your mother may have less than your step mother, but that's not your step mother or step brothers fault. I'd feel differently if you'd been brought up with your step mother as your mother but that's not the scenario here

I think that the Op is upset because the “joint marital assets” are all from her father’s side of the family. In which case she should be left a third of them.

But instead they are being “shared” between husband and wife giving Op and her sister a sixth.

But the assets from her step mother’s side are going directly to her half brother rather than being shared as a marital asset.

Is that correct Op?

It would be nice if she gave her son her 50% of her and your dad's house snd you and your sister could inherit the other 50% between you. Or, knowing that her son already had a big inheritance from his grandparents, let you and your sister share the other house. She's not technically done anything wrong but it would be nice to see the 3 kids treated more equally (assuming you won't inherit from your mum. If you will then that changes things somewhat).

She ought not to be so tactless as to tell you all about it, as if your brother is hard done by, while clearly ignoring your own situation. If your dad is still alive, he sounds like a fucking idiot for not telling her to shut up about it all snd stop rubbing your nose in the disparity!

This is the way we are doing it. Our home and joint assets will be split fifty percent, my percent will got to our two DDs together and my DHs share will be split three ways to include DSD.
I also stand to inherit from my grandfather and, if that happens, the property will go to my DDs as it has been in the family for generations.
Maybe it’s different for us because our home etc. were all acquired after our relationship started and DH left his relationship with his ex with no assets.

@AskingforaBaskin Thank you! Didn't read properly. I suppose something to consider is how the split between OP's parents left her mother financially. If selling her parent's house led to her stepmother and father being able to buy a house, where did that leave her biological mother in terms of money, property etc. Hope OP gives more information.

I think the will split is fair.

It must be difficult to see your half brother be handed such a large sum of money but in the nicest way, they aren't your grandparents.

Presumably you will inherit from you mother and potentially grandparents on the maternal side of your family? Although I'm guessing from your frustration that the sums involved won't be as significant.

There will always be someone with more than you. It's hard when it's family.

A married couple should split their home 50/50 - which is what they’re planning on doing.

It’s fair that she gives her son her entire lot as she only has 1. And it’s fair your dad shares it between his children.

You have a mother and grandmother that is different to your half brothers, so you can essentially get inheritance that way.

It would be very unfair to your half brother if you were to split your parents house equally when you have 2 parents and a step parent.

It would be nice if she gave her son her 50% of her and your dad's house snd you and your sister could inherit the other 50% between you.

This would be much more fair.

I guess it’s just simpler to split everything 50/50 and then share that out with your biological children.

It's legal, and legal isn't always fair. My OH's family are strictly even splits between their children, even though OH and i are higher earners without childre and need it less. Is that a fair split? My mum and her husband have a property, no shared children but two each of their own, and no other inheritance. He died. Mum plans to leave the house to my brother and I. I'm the executor. This is hopefully ages away, and perhaps the property will need to be sold to fund her care, but if not then I'll be in a tough spot explaining the will to his children, regardless of whether we share the inheritance 4 ways, it's still potentially hurtful. Family and money are tricky things. I how you can find a way through this that feels acceptable for you.

Why would this be more fair though? Assuming that OP and her sister will also inherit 50% each of their mum's estate?

Genuinely interested in thoughts on this as we have debated this a lot in my family too.

I don't have biological children, my H has two from his first marriage.

If I were to inherit from my parents, by your logic this should then be willed to my husband's children when I die?

Or can I choose to gift it to my nieces, nephews, friends / friends children...being my inheritance and all.

I am wondering if the situation is that OP's mother was left financially disadvantaged by the split. It's obviously difficult for a single parent to work and provide the majority of care, also it certainly used to be possible for a husband to sell the family home and take the entire amount after a divorce. So, if OP and sister really can't expect to inherit anything significant from their mother, and if this was partly her Father's fault, it would be more fair to try to give more to the OP and sister. However, as many have said, the proposed division is legal and a common situation. Very hurtful, nonetheless.

She is correct. Her money and her parents money should go to her child - she has one child.

Your fathers money goes to his children. He has three. You don't mention (in your op) your mother. What inheritance will you be due from her? Presumably your father bought out your mother at the time of their divorce so the fact your father and step mother sold the former family home is irrelevant.

This is basically what we've done. My first 2 inherited money from their dad, our money is now my half being split between all 4 children, my husband leaving most of his half to our two children but he is leaving some to my first 2 as they are his step children and he's known them along time and they all get on well.

It wouldn't have seemed fair to us if the older 2 had ended up with a six figure sum each from their dad and then got an equal share of ours. If there had been money from grandparents it would have gone however grandparents wanted.

I think that the OP is rightly hurt that someone she has seen as a mother, since the age of 5, has shown through division of assets that they do not see her as a daughter. I can completely see why that is difficult for you. It is incredibly insensitive of your step mother to talk to you about your ‘poor’ brother. Is there a way for you to get past this? One thing is for sure. Do not step in to do any care if she ends up needing it. You’ll need to focus your time and energy on paying the rent 😉

Their will is completely fair and normal for many people. My parent and step parent have a similar set up.

It’s also fair for the step mum to give her inheritance from her parents to her own son, the only bit that sounds questionable is hat really paid for her to buy her siblings out of the house.

Presumably your maternal grandparents won’t have left/be leaving you half brother anything in their will.

It’s fair. Her half goes to her child, whereas your father’s half is split. Her parents money is of course going to be passed to their daughter, and then their grandson.

Yep, this is definitely fair.

You don't have to forgive them if you feel they did not treat you well growing up, however, which is really a seperate issue.